The Damn Book - Chapter 2: Shattering
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The Damn Book - Chapter 2: Shattering
Shattering:
I have not finished this chapter, but thought I would start it. This is what stuck out with me...
"Only the strong can endure the shattering' the weak need their defenses."
I have been feeling so weak - but, I'm not the weak one. I'm the courageous one...
More to come...
- an epiphany of insight, an awakening of the emotional core.
- a bottom, a transforming bottom - the same bottom which people over the years have found redemption.
- a feeling of devastation, unbearable pain.
- the birth trauma revisited. It is rebirth.
I have not finished this chapter, but thought I would start it. This is what stuck out with me...
"Only the strong can endure the shattering' the weak need their defenses."
I have been feeling so weak - but, I'm not the weak one. I'm the courageous one...
More to come...
peaceful seabird
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Originally Posted by wicked 
It's called The Journey from Abandonment to Healing
by Susan Anderson.
We called it the damn book, cause we know there are some tough hurdles to get over with this abandonment crap.
You think you are in recovery, then bam! it pulls you back in.
:ghug3
by Susan Anderson.
We called it the damn book, cause we know there are some tough hurdles to get over with this abandonment crap.
You think you are in recovery, then bam! it pulls you back in.
:ghug3
subtitle:
Surviving through - and recovering from - the five stages
that accompany the loss of love
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"Let's all please agree that whenever a new chapter and new thread is started, the first poster include the name of the book and author for any new folks who come across our damn book club." - L2L
Ooops, sorry about that! Still too early in the morning! Thank you Pelican!
Ooops, sorry about that! Still too early in the morning! Thank you Pelican!
Persevere, Never give up!
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Wow Jenny, I am impressed! Yes, YOU are strong! and having just got through a ''Shattering!'' myself, I can tell you, there is hope and an awesome Rainbow on the other side! Keep it up, perevere until the end!
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"Many abandonment survivors engage in fantasies about the impact their death might have upon their lost partners." (Page 34)
Here I was, thinking I was the only crazy fool who'd think about this. Sometimes, when I'm feeling down on myself, I think about my death... and I always wonder, who'd come to my funeral. My thoughts always end knowing it would be PACKED. I have so many people who love me.. but then I think.. would he be there? What if I got into an accident, would he come see me? It's a way to warp my mind into believing he could come back to me.
Does anyone else do this?
Here I was, thinking I was the only crazy fool who'd think about this. Sometimes, when I'm feeling down on myself, I think about my death... and I always wonder, who'd come to my funeral. My thoughts always end knowing it would be PACKED. I have so many people who love me.. but then I think.. would he be there? What if I got into an accident, would he come see me? It's a way to warp my mind into believing he could come back to me.
Does anyone else do this?
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yeah, jenny, i don't think about my death, but i did have times where i entertained the fantasy of getting myself into an accident so he'd show up at my bedside. the most beautiful he ever treated me was spoon-feeding me in hospital when i didn't have function of my arms, and putting a cool wet cloth on my forehead. it's sick to want to go back to being damaged physically, so that your emotional needs can be met.
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Only on chapter 1, but I just want to address you Jenny on the "impact death" and Coffee about thinking about getting into an accident.
We have to keep in mind, these thoughts are human thoughts, not just thoughts of a codie or someone with abandonment issues.
I know many people who are hurt who imagine someone coming to their side in time of need.
When we were babies, we cried for our Mom's when we were hungry and needed a poopie diaper changed. It's normal, please don't think it's not!
We have to keep in mind, these thoughts are human thoughts, not just thoughts of a codie or someone with abandonment issues.
I know many people who are hurt who imagine someone coming to their side in time of need.
When we were babies, we cried for our Mom's when we were hungry and needed a poopie diaper changed. It's normal, please don't think it's not!
Wrong book. Heehee.Member
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<-------Chronic Symbiotic Issues.....Though I was never ever abused as a child and grew up in a loving home.
As for Shattering, yes, I was shattered and in shock, but since I've been through this many times in the last 10 yrs, had lots of therapy for it and am emotionally a lot more mature and stable every time I face it, I don't have the same reaction to shattering as I once did when it first happened.
Sure I am really hurt and sad, but not to the pont of feeling like my life is over or I am about to die.
Though, a BIG one here is the split thinking........WOW! That one is intense.
And I left my ex for cheating so even though I left, his cheating/betrayal was abandonment. Maybe had he left me to be with someone else (though I think he is prob with the person he cheated on me with or someone else), maybe the shattering would have been more severe.
Still fresh, still raw so......
Great book though. Bang on!
As for Shattering, yes, I was shattered and in shock, but since I've been through this many times in the last 10 yrs, had lots of therapy for it and am emotionally a lot more mature and stable every time I face it, I don't have the same reaction to shattering as I once did when it first happened.
Sure I am really hurt and sad, but not to the pont of feeling like my life is over or I am about to die.
Though, a BIG one here is the split thinking........WOW! That one is intense.
And I left my ex for cheating so even though I left, his cheating/betrayal was abandonment. Maybe had he left me to be with someone else (though I think he is prob with the person he cheated on me with or someone else), maybe the shattering would have been more severe.
Still fresh, still raw so......
Great book though. Bang on!
: you knuckleheadMember
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Originally Posted by Summerpeach
I left my ex for cheating so even though I left, his cheating/betrayal was abandonment.
i went/am going through all of the emotions she has mentioned. even though i was the one who left the relationship, it felt like i was being abandoned on a continual basis, and i was aware of it at those times.
Last edited by DesertEyes; 08-22-2010 at 09:54 AM. Reason: fixed broken quote
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It's interesting that the exercise for healing in Chapter 2 is Staying in the Moment. People here talk about it and use it so much, but I have to admit, it is NOT easy for me. I allow myself to THINK too much rather than just experience present moment for what it is.
Does anyone here use it for what Susan Anderson suggests...pain management? How do you all go about focusing on the moment? What techniques do you use? Are they different than the ones she suggests? Like I said, this is hard for me.
Does anyone here use it for what Susan Anderson suggests...pain management? How do you all go about focusing on the moment? What techniques do you use? Are they different than the ones she suggests? Like I said, this is hard for me.
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How do you all go about focusing on the moment? What techniques do you use? Are they different than the ones she suggests? Like I said, this is hard for me.
Stuck right here in my head.
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I get what you're saying, Beth.
She talks about using your senses to just experience the moment, letting your thoughts go...but I'm not very good at it. And when I do get there, it's nice...but then later the reality comes back, thoughts come back, pain shows up again. Nothing has changed in the long run. I don't think I'm getting it the way I should.
She talks about using your senses to just experience the moment, letting your thoughts go...but I'm not very good at it. And when I do get there, it's nice...but then later the reality comes back, thoughts come back, pain shows up again. Nothing has changed in the long run. I don't think I'm getting it the way I should.
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yeah, me neither.
but, there is a story i read in a meditation book that i remember.
there are monks at a monastery, always chopping wood and carrying water, they need to do this to eat and keep clean.
so months go by, one of the young converts walks up to the master and asks
"sir, all we do is chop wood and carry water, chop wood and carry water, may i ask what happens when we reach enlightenment?"
the master says,
"you will chop wood and carry water."
now, see, i must have missed the point here. life goes on, but you are now enlightened?
very confused, and i guess because i want results, results right now dammit.
geez.
i need to chop more wood and carry more water.
but, there is a story i read in a meditation book that i remember.
there are monks at a monastery, always chopping wood and carrying water, they need to do this to eat and keep clean.
so months go by, one of the young converts walks up to the master and asks
"sir, all we do is chop wood and carry water, chop wood and carry water, may i ask what happens when we reach enlightenment?"
the master says,
"you will chop wood and carry water."
now, see, i must have missed the point here. life goes on, but you are now enlightened?
very confused, and i guess because i want results, results right now dammit.
geez.
i need to chop more wood and carry more water.
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