Startingover2

Exh has been sober for a few months now. For the past few weeks I have 'suspected' that he may have started drinking but he denied it and I couldn't prove anything.

Yesterday he was gone all day fishing with nephew. Came home last night drunk, and within 5 minutes cops showed at the door. Someone followed him and he was arrested for a DUI right in our driveway! All the neighbors all of a sudden came outside and saw the whole thing. Got him out of jail at 1:30 this morning.

This is his third offense in 7 years. Can't be good. Anyone know penalties for a third one?

Not sure what my next move is. I am exhausted and mentally drained. I really hope he chooses rehab or some agressive treatment. Obviously what he was doing wasn't working.

Thanks for the support.

suki44883

How embarassing for you. As for penalties for a third DUI, they can vary from state to state, but you are right, they can't be good, and they shouldn't be. I'd have left him sitting in jail. I really have little sympathy for drunk drivers.

I hope you don't get yourself all tangled up in this mess. It's his mess and he should be the one to deal with it. It won't be cheap and he's certain to lose his license for a time, which means he might expect you to cart him around to where he needs to be.

Learn2Live

This is your EX husband? Does he live with you?

suki44883

Well, lookie there. I completely missed the EX part. LOL!

I amend my initial response to read...And this is your problem why?

Live

I don't know what state you live in, however I am sure you can look up the charges
and penalties in your state on the internet.

Frightening that he was with nephew~there could have been a tragic accident!
Considering all things...everyone getting home safely, whatever happens, it could be so much worse!

transformyself

Starting over, I'd say your next move should be not bailing him out or rescuing. I'm always exhausted when I try to rescue others.

Taking care of myself first and foremost gets me all rested up and happy.

Startingover2

He is my exh....we were reconciling.
Choices have to be made now on both sides. We are going to our counseling session tonight.
Right now I am too tired to even think.

transformyself

Ugh, I've tried this too the reconciling with the X. It is exhausting. I hope you get some rest.

ChrrisT

Hi Startingover.

If he is your EX- you already know what the deal is - you're not a newbie or naive about life with an alcoholic.

your suspicious, he's drinking, he's lying... - is this a repeat of your past?

I don't know the penalties are for #3, but I imagine at the very least - not only are you his Knight - but you will now be his chauffeur.

Carol Star

My XAH's last DUI was 6 months in jail, lost job, no liscence for 10 yrs. $5,000. for lawyers.......plus court fees....in Va.

ChrrisT

Hi SO

I was curious about the situation with your EXAH, so I went back and read some of post (from 2007).

Now truly I do NOT mean to be rude or thoughtless.

But really - what are thinking - Sweetie? Are you really surprised by the DUI?

You NEED to go back and read what you have wrote, because you seem to be a little in denial.

Hugs to you

KerBearz

I believe in MN, the 3rd DUI in 10 years is a felony.

hello-kitty

Well said. Just because you were in the process of reconciling doesn't mean you have to stay in the process of reconciling.

Check your boundaries. What are they?

dollydo

Well, to be honest, I would not have bailed him out. 3rd offense, not good, he won't just get a slap on the hand. He needs to be off the street before he kills someone, I am sure that the legal system will take care of that.

Now, what are you doing for you? He is your ex, this is his problem, not yours.

Maybe it is time to reread some of your prior posts, there is a reason that he is your ex.

Get some rest tomorrows another day!

fourmaggie

ITS STILL NOT YOURPROBLEM....I mean, if you're keeping up with AL ANON you should know this.....( i hope your in al anon...does not ever mean you should stop...IT A LIFE TIME CHANGE OF LIFESTYLE)

HELLO?? u are going to AL ANON (still)?

wow1323

STAR
stop
think
asses
react

Carol Star

In Va. a felon....can't vote or own firearms and good luck getting a job......

Jadmack25

He is your EX, he has been sneaking his drinks, has lied to you about it and now has really done a big one......all while you are thinking of reconciling.

Reconciling to WHAT exactly???

Him still drinking, getting drunk?
Visiting him in gaol for this DUI?
Wondering where he is, what he is doing...if he is late home?
Looking at him all the time, checking to see if sober?
Rehashing all that led to YOU making him an EX in the first place?

Bailing him, "helping" him, driving him, are just allowing and enabling him....to get set up later on for DUI number 4.

You don't have responsibility to decide what recovery program he needs....that is for him to decide or NOT decide.

Maybe you could think about reconciling, if or when he has been thru Rehab, been in recovery and sober for at least a year. Til then, the greatest gift you can give him, you and kids is to leave him to sort himself out, to take responsibility for his actions and learn to be a man you are proud of, not babysitting.

God bless

Carol Star

Codependent no More helped me alot......I think codependence was my main addiction.......I am in recovery for them all now but it was the core one and the last one I arrested......I am an .......alcodependentcodaholicaddict.......a quadruple winner!

Kassie2

Hi SO,

Sorry it happened again. I know what you want and like me and others, perhaps step back and give yourself a break. It shouldn't matter what the penalties are - what matters is how are you taking care of yourself and your little girl (who I believe just had a bd!?) Let your Ex figure out his problems and learn to be the man he can be and you love - and focus on things like how you are going to pay the bills, keep up therapy, and move forward in building yourself a life you are proud of sweetie. Miss you.