Excerpts From A Dogs Dialy Diary
I Love Who I Am
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Excerpts From A Dogs Dialy Diary
Wish I could say I wrote this. It's SO hilarious-and true!
Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary:
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite
thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Placed in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My
favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite
thing!
Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary:
Day 683 of my captivity:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.
The audacity!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously ********!
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe....
....... for now...
Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary:
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite
thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Placed in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My
favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite
thing!
Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary:
Day 683 of my captivity:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.
The audacity!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously ********!
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe....
....... for now...
Last edited by transformyself; 08-14-2010 at 03:14 AM. Reason: clumsy fingers
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Chicory, that's true, we should. Maybe that's why there's that saying, " I just want to be the person my dog thinks I am."
Realistically, my cat is very loving. But I let him outside. I don't have a choice. He bum rushes the door and you can only back out with the squirt bottle so many times...
Realistically, my cat is very loving. But I let him outside. I don't have a choice. He bum rushes the door and you can only back out with the squirt bottle so many times...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Transform,
I loved this! It has me snickering and then really laughing. I went to get a coffee and thought of "day 683 of my captivity" and started giggling again.
This made my day.
Thank you.
I want to read it to my daughter when she calls this afternoon.
Hilarious.
We have all three, a dog, a cat, and birds.
Beth
I loved this! It has me snickering and then really laughing. I went to get a coffee and thought of "day 683 of my captivity" and started giggling again.
This made my day.
Thank you.
I want to read it to my daughter when she calls this afternoon.
Hilarious.
We have all three, a dog, a cat, and birds.
Beth
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Thanks for sharing--it made ME smile! I've often wondered why my cats are trying to kill me by getting under my feet on the stairs (honestly, it was part of my motivation to give up drinking--I could have been taken out on more than one occasion).
Really, I thought they LIKED the nuggets...
Really, I thought they LIKED the nuggets...
!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Loved this thread, and .....Mea Culpa...had to look for snap or whatever to go with it.
Found this, and an oh, so perfect picture, which I post separately.
What is a Cat?
- Cats do what they want.
- They rarely listen to you.
- They're totally unpredictable.
- When you want to play, they want to be alone.
- When you want to be alone, they want to play.
- They expect you to cater to their every whim.
- They're moody.
- They leave hair everywhere.
CONCLUSION: They're tiny women in little fur coats.
What is a Dog?
- Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
- They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room.
- They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
- They growl when they are not happy.
- When you want to play, they want to play.
- When you want to be alone, they want to play.
- They leave their toys everywhere.
CONCLUSION: They're tiny men in little fur coats.
God bless
Found this, and an oh, so perfect picture, which I post separately.
What is a Cat?
- Cats do what they want.
- They rarely listen to you.
- They're totally unpredictable.
- When you want to play, they want to be alone.
- When you want to be alone, they want to play.
- They expect you to cater to their every whim.
- They're moody.
- They leave hair everywhere.
CONCLUSION: They're tiny women in little fur coats.
What is a Dog?
- Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
- They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room.
- They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
- They growl when they are not happy.
- When you want to play, they want to play.
- When you want to be alone, they want to play.
- They leave their toys everywhere.
CONCLUSION: They're tiny men in little fur coats.
God bless
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
HA Jadmack, your description of dogs and cats explains this!
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously ********!
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