Hope for something more....

Old 08-13-2010, 07:22 PM
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Hope for something more....

I spent the evening watching my oldest son's football game. Quite an exciting night actually. I talked to a few friends and acquaintances....and I had a sudden realization - that people make it through this. They suffer and then they put the pieces back together again. One lady I was talking to is divorced and her husband was an A, we were talking and it was amazing the similarities in behaviors. Another person also divorced has a good relationship w/ his X and his kids are doing well. I guess I have made divorce such a bad word that i felt like i could never do it...but people survive, they take steps forward, and eventually find happinses again. I needed this tonight....I needed hope for something more....
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Old 08-14-2010, 06:27 AM
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Yes, we will survive, as the song goes. We will move on with our lives, make things as good as we can for our kids and ourselves, and let the past be the past. Although I would hope that we can learn from our mistakes and not get caught in the turmoil that living with an A can bring, ever again. H
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Old 08-14-2010, 06:58 AM
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Thank you SO much for taking the time to post this. I think I'm going to print it out and carry it with me for a while so I can read it when I'm scared.
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Old 08-14-2010, 08:22 AM
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I'm 8 months past my divorce and things are getting better every day as I get more and more involved in my own life. I do still have some contact with my XAH but that's becoming less and less. At the time I didn't think I would survive but I just took one day at a time and slowly things got better. This forum and AlAnon have been lifesavers for me.
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Old 08-14-2010, 08:35 AM
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There is indeed life after divorce!

I've been through two divorces myself. I've been on my own for many years now, and wouldn't have it any other way.
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Old 08-14-2010, 12:04 PM
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Divorced 12 years - life is GOOD, boys are normal, imperfect, well-adjusted, both working and doing well in high school/college...they are managing their own problems & issues!!

I met two kinds of people after my divorce - the most common were the bitter and angry souls who couldn't say a kind word about their ex, even in front of their children they would bad-mouth and deride and complain.

And the others were more serene, gentle, had made their peace with the end of the marriage and taken responsibility for their part in its demise and if they couldn't say anything nice about their ex in front of the kids at least they didn't bad mouth him/her.

Guess which ones have the less stressed and f***ed up life?!!

I decided (because it is a choice) pretty quickly which way I wanted my life to be. I needed help to figure out how to be that person I wanted to be (therapy!) and it has definitely paid off - mostly in the mental health sense that I am not holding onto any bitterness or anger towards exH which would only poison me, and by taking 100% responsibility for 50% of the problem I learned a lot about the things I needed to change in myself to become a more loving and loveable person.

Glad you are beginning to see your bright new future! Role modeling people who I admired and whose attitude inspired me was helpful to me too!

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