A lot of post on heartbreak has me thinking
 

of my ex. I also went to the pool we used to hang out at when we were together today with our baby. I was fine I did not even think of him until I got in the car to drive away. The tears started coming and would'nt stop. My son is 14 months and was sitting in the back car seat and all I could think was he is missing this. My ex-AB and father to my baby is missing all this fun, my sons life. All the giggles, teaching him to swim, I loved him so much. We tried to get pregnant for almost a year. After 10 months I conceived my son. I stopped drinking he never did. i had to kick him out. He never cleaned up and now he is missing everything. I thought my heart had healed, but I guess every now and then it still hurts. Thanks for reading:tyou

I am sorry you are feeling so sad, but you did such a wonderful thing for your son. So many times I've read here, that the hardest thing for some of us is to give up the dream. I miss my ex A very much, but whenever I allow contact, I'm always disappointed. He just never is the way I dream about him. But although I am very new to all of this, I am sure it's perfectly normal and expected that we will still cry over them sometimes. I guess we cry over the loss of that dream.
Enjoy your son, I have one too. Every moment is precious. Lucky Mom! Thank you for sharing.

((((Wow))))

You are a good mom! I'm glad you had fun today with your son.

Be gentle with yourself. There is no timetable for grief. Ending a relationship triggers grief. It comes and goes. You will be okay!

Grief is God's way of getting us through it. Some days you will be fine...some days you will be sad....some days you will be in denial.....some in anger....some in acceptance- until you stay in acceptance. And there is bargaining , and maybe one I am missing. The difference between a good day and a bad day is 1 day. Stay close to God and your healthy friends. Work the program you wish he would work. Your son will someday be grateful for your healthy decision. He will not grow up in the drama and chaos.

I'm so sorry but yet So Proud Of You... Your son will Thank You one day for keeping him safe... I met my exAH when I was seventeen, young wild and free. I am now 49, I left when my sons 19months apart were in the 5th and 6th grade. I tried my best to get my exAH to spend time with them and teach them to hunt,fish,play ball etc. I told him one day you will be sorry because you can't go back in time and you are missing out. Well, the older they got the less they wanted to be around him... exAH wanted to see them one weekend and they did not want to go so I asked them Why? The answer was "Why should we go? All he does is drinks has his girlfriends over and his drinking buddies and he doesn't even know were there". They eventually stopped returning his calls(they have cells) and a few months before my eldest graduated this year from high school, he called me in his room and asked me how I would feel if he did not invite his daddy? I hugged him and let him know whatever he decided I would stick by his side (I never asked but I often wonder if deep down he was afraid his dad would not show up anyway and it would have been less hurt not inviting than to invite and him not show up)...When it was time to write down everyone that would get a grad announcement I went ahead and put his dads name down (just in case). His dad did not get an invitation, call, nothing. Well I tried all the years to push them together. Alcohol was more important, I look back now and think I could have killed my children by letting him get them and driving around. Although when he did get them he promised not to drive and drink, I took his word for it But intuition told me a different story. I just wanted so bad for them to have a dad. As good a mother as I am, I could have killed my children, and Yes it would have been my fault, I knew he is an alcoholic! If I could go back...I would have it put in papers to meet at the police station and he would take a breathalyzer test before they got in his truck.

You wish a better and healthy life for someone else. That is a thoughtful and selfless way to be. Good for you.

The choice he made is very sad for him, missing out on a happy life with you and your son.

Feel the pain, except it and let it go. And hug that baby!!

Thank you so much for sharing

Aw, that IS sad Wow, that he is missing out on the experience. But that is what he chooses for his life and, hard as I imagine it must be for you, there is nothing anyone can do to change that. It is not your responsibility to make it happen for him. Good for you for choosing sobriety for yourself and good for you for choosing to provide a sober environment and sober upbringing for your child!! That is so good to hear!!

Thank you all for replying. Yes, I know I made the right decision. There is something abot being a mother that just changes you. Everything from your thinking, actions, soul, mind and I would even say my blood. There are times at night when the last thing a do is double check all the locks in the house and how at thoose very moments I am so grateful that some drunk guy won't come stubbling in.
I can breathe again. My son is safe because of me, because of me! At times raising him alone can be difficult I cherish the fact that God has given me this blessing and gather my woman warror strength and do the best that I can do.