Help with inpatient treatment
 

My husband tried to walk into two different ER's last night to detox and get put into a in patient treatment center. They both turned him down saying that he wasn't in immediate medical need and they didn't have bed. What do we do now? I'm going to start calling around to some of the centers but I thought everyone here might have some insight.

PS we are in NYC.

He can call AA and ask for assistance.
He can call rehabs seeking information.
He can meet his doctor and be honest about his drinking.

Friend, he is the one that needs to make the contacts. This is HIS addiction.

The best way to help an active alcoholic is to step aside. Let them find their way. If we do all the work for them, then they will blame us for forcing them into recovery or blame us for controlling when they fail.

Do nothing? no. Assist him by looking up the numbers, if you wish. Let him decide when and if he will make the calls.

Remember the three C's of alcoholism:
You did not cause this
You can not control this
You will not cure this

If your alcoholic becomes stressed with anxiety or has an emergency situation from withdrawals or any other alcohol related effects, do not hesitate to call 911.

The Salvation Army is always open.

Ended up calling our insurance provider. They gave me a list and I passed it along, the rest is up to him. I just feel bad because he went in search of help yesterday and got turned down. That's got to be difficult.

I used to try to make things easier on everybody, especially alcoholics and addicts, because I felt so badly for them (and often because I would panic). I actually felt guilty when things did not go smoothly for people and would drop everything I was doing, and/or majorly inconvenience myself, and/or take on more hard work, and/or spend large sums of money I could ill afford to spend, in order to "help" them. I also used to take on feelings of responsibility and/or blame for ALL SORTS of things that had absolutely NOTHING to do with me. (I can remember taking on responsibility and blame like this as far back as age 15).

But recently I have discovered that most people over the age of 5 are actually capable of taking good care of themselves and of accomplishing things on their own. I have discovered that feeling the need to "help" other people and their circumstances is actually me feeling sorry for them. And honestly, I have learned that feeling sorry for someone is not honorable or respectful of them. It actually means I think I am BETTER THAN them. And that's self-righteousness disguised as morality.

Another thing I realized about myself recently is that I tend to overdramatize and emotionalize things. Things such as what you are talking about BrooklynGirl. Do you know how many times I personally have gone in search of help and been turned away or turned down? Probably at least a thousand. And was it ever really THAT difficult? No, not really. And what being turned down or turned away actually did was strengthen my resolve to accomplish whatever it is I wanted to accomplish. If someone had always done it for me, I would never have become so damn persistent.

So, you see, when we do for others what they can (and SHOULD) do for themselves, when we do not allow others to meet their OWN challenges head on, we do them a huge disservice. We actually succeed in WEAKENING the very people we love.

Let Go, hon, and Let God.