He leaves the 20th
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Maybe I can leave, then he can share the current apartment with his friend or whoever and his job would be to get another roomie... anyway, that would be his problem. I paid for that apartment's deposit and would like it back when the time comes, but if don't get it back it will be the price to know someone. And it would be cheap given what I could have lost.
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
suki: yes, I agree with you. No worries I intend to be wise with my money and buy a house all by myself 
marriage is out of the picture so no worries there. I got a friend that is divorcing and I see all the mess, money, pain that involves. She told me to learn from her mistakes. 
I will give my coworker a ride and I will check the place out again. Ugh, just ran into bf and afraid of the bad feelings. I will remember I am free now and thankful I am not the same woman that arrived there 2 years ago.
marriage is out of the picture so no worries there. I got a friend that is divorcing and I see all the mess, money, pain that involves. She told me to learn from her mistakes. 
I will give my coworker a ride and I will check the place out again. Ugh, just ran into bf and afraid of the bad feelings. I will remember I am free now and thankful I am not the same woman that arrived there 2 years ago.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
He is blowing smoke and confusing the issues...and it is not all by accident!
How about asking him for the money from the ring you don't want to go toward the monies he owes you.
We women are supposed to go vapid and swoon at the mention of the RING, don't ya know?
LMAO!
How about asking him for the money from the ring you don't want to go toward the monies he owes you.
We women are supposed to go vapid and swoon at the mention of the RING, don't ya know?
LMAO!
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
I came home tired, depressed and stressed. I saw the trash was still outside, the poor bamboo without water, (one of them alreadydied ) the kitchen the same mess only with one more dirty glass from him.
I proceeded to tell S that he has until the 12th when rent is due, otherwise I am leaving with my coworkers. He started yelling at me and my heart shrank... I remembered myself as a small girl and felt I have failed her horribly .
I wanted to cry but I got really angry for being a decent hard working woman who arrives at 9PM TO KEEP WORKING and she gets yelled at by the "loved one". I so NOT deserve this AT ALL. So Thank God I also got angry.
I told him his "teamwork" is really "teamwork" when it comes to sharing my money, my time, my knowledge, my friends, my car, my laptop, boring chores. But when it comes to watering the bamboo, taking the trash out, filling the fridge, washing the clothes, dishes, emotional support we are definitely NOT a team.
He then said that yes maybe he IS interested in living with my coworkers, and that tomorrow he is going to look for something -so he wasn't really looking!!?!?- and that its CERTAIN he will leave before the 12th. And that he loves me and -check this out- "doesn't treat me that bad". All I was thinking at that point is that it is true history repeats itself. He is now playing good guy. I said I also do not want to go out with a man that yells to a woman. He said "I got him angry". I thought, how can I ask someone to stop accepting abuse when I am accepting it ? SO I said I no longer want to be with him and maybe it was better not to make him lose any more time.
It is obvious we were never partners, more like mom-child. I have felt I am educating him. I am so glad I got my therapist and you and listen more to myself.
I have a headache and still have a long working night and Friday to go through. I feel sad but I also feel hopeful for myself. How could he yell? I feel really bad when someone yells at me.
Thanks for letting me vent
) the kitchen the same mess only with one more dirty glass from him. I proceeded to tell S that he has until the 12th when rent is due, otherwise I am leaving with my coworkers. He started yelling at me and my heart shrank... I remembered myself as a small girl and felt I have failed her horribly
. I wanted to cry but I got really angry for being a decent hard working woman who arrives at 9PM TO KEEP WORKING and she gets yelled at by the "loved one". I so NOT deserve this AT ALL. So Thank God I also got angry.
I told him his "teamwork" is really "teamwork" when it comes to sharing my money, my time, my knowledge, my friends, my car, my laptop, boring chores. But when it comes to watering the bamboo, taking the trash out, filling the fridge, washing the clothes, dishes, emotional support we are definitely NOT a team.
He then said that yes maybe he IS interested in living with my coworkers, and that tomorrow he is going to look for something -so he wasn't really looking!!?!?- and that its CERTAIN he will leave before the 12th. And that he loves me and -check this out- "doesn't treat me that bad". All I was thinking at that point is that it is true history repeats itself. He is now playing good guy. I said I also do not want to go out with a man that yells to a woman. He said "I got him angry". I thought, how can I ask someone to stop accepting abuse when I am accepting it ? SO I said I no longer want to be with him and maybe it was better not to make him lose any more time.
It is obvious we were never partners, more like mom-child. I have felt I am educating him. I am so glad I got my therapist and you and listen more to myself.
I have a headache and still have a long working night and Friday to go through. I feel sad but I also feel hopeful for myself. How could he yell? I feel really bad when someone yells at me.
Thanks for letting me vent
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Originally Posted by TakingCharge999 
Maybe I can leave, then he can share the current apartment with his friend or whoever and his job would be to get another roomie... anyway, that would be his problem. I paid for that apartment's deposit and would like it back when the time comes, but if don't get it back it will be the price to know someone. And it would be cheap given what I could have lost.
I moved out. It cost me a moving van, and I left him with a month's rent and told him it was his problem--that he signed the lease after I'd told him not to, and he could figure out how to deal with the problem.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
ah, TC, that is just crappy!
I need my home to be my sanctuary and I know how hard you work to cultivate inner peace and serenity.
Sometimes it is good for us to get angry. It lets us know our boundaries are being stomped on.
I was always afraid of letting myself be angry...I am learning it does have it's place.
AND I do have the right to express it!
Can you afford to pack his stuff up, send him on his way and keep the place for your own?
The poor baby can go stay with his dad?
I need my home to be my sanctuary and I know how hard you work to cultivate inner peace and serenity.
Sometimes it is good for us to get angry. It lets us know our boundaries are being stomped on.
I was always afraid of letting myself be angry...I am learning it does have it's place.
AND I do have the right to express it!
Can you afford to pack his stuff up, send him on his way and keep the place for your own?
The poor baby can go stay with his dad?
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
He woke up and told me he is going to look for places and already has one he liked - also that he is thinking to go with my coworkers - and that he prefers for me to stay here. He said he was sorry yadda yadda. I know that part, too.
For me anyway, I slept, I feel much relaxed, I am working from home today and all I know is at 7 PM I will be in my first group therapy session. Yesterday the therapist told me it would do me good, there is a relaxation meditation at the end and that I didn't have to talk if I didn't want to but listening can help me and that others can give me feedback on my issues...
THANKS for your ongoing support !
For me anyway, I slept, I feel much relaxed, I am working from home today and all I know is at 7 PM I will be in my first group therapy session. Yesterday the therapist told me it would do me good, there is a relaxation meditation at the end and that I didn't have to talk if I didn't want to but listening can help me and that others can give me feedback on my issues...
THANKS for your ongoing support !
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,870
He prefers for you to stay there? Why? Just curious. Would him living with your co-workers cause any problems? Would you living where you are as a single female be a problem? You mentioned a couple of times that it is frowned upon.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
It is obvious we were never partners, more like mom-child. I have felt I am educating him. I am so glad I got my therapist and you and listen more to myself.
I have a headache and still have a long working night and Friday to go through. I feel sad but I also feel hopeful for myself. How could he yell? I feel really bad when someone yells at me.
Thanks for letting me vent
I have a headache and still have a long working night and Friday to go through. I feel sad but I also feel hopeful for myself. How could he yell? I feel really bad when someone yells at me.
Thanks for letting me vent
I am sorry this boy-man is doing whatever he can to steal your serenity.
When anyone yells at me, I feel bad too, like a child and I want to run away. Sadly, the people who use this method to "control" me use it because it works, and they know how badly it makes me feel.
Please do whatever it takes to get away, get your life, and stop trying to get boys to become men. The man you let into your life should already know how a responsible adult behaves.
Beth
:ghug3
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
HE states he has found an apartment with his friend. And that he is leaving on Tuesday. I can't wait to be alone. Thank God I got an exam and plans to study all weekend.
He asked me to lend him luggage.
He hasn't moved a finger around the apartment.
He is not going to pay for the extra parking space we have paid - so no,he is not willing to pay $30 a month in case he visits me. But.. its OK. Whatever.
He asked me if I can keep some of his stuff. I won't.
I may start occupying his closet and taking care of my own mess.
Yesterday I had a bad UTI and worked from home. The doc told me the UTI is due to.. our "interactions". Yes it makes total sense and I feel like an idiot for thinking it was my problem.I have passed really bad UTIs and I resent him for that, now HE comes to complain about the cat and talks about "how everything will change" and how "he will invite me to the beach" and how "when we marry we will pay someone to help clean and cook". Gaslighting is all it is. I would like a partner like me able to solve his own stuff alone but as my therapist says, that is only with foreigners, Latin men will always need a mom, a wife, a sister, a maid - a female figure at his service. Yuk.
I am selling myself short...
On Tuesday my mom arrives and will stay with me for a few days- looking forward to that. Please if I ever mention bringing someone to live with me, I'll pay for your ticket to Mexico to come and shake me and tell me "NO! DONT!!" until I get it.
He asked me to lend him luggage.
He hasn't moved a finger around the apartment.
He is not going to pay for the extra parking space we have paid - so no,he is not willing to pay $30 a month in case he visits me. But.. its OK. Whatever.
He asked me if I can keep some of his stuff. I won't.
I may start occupying his closet and taking care of my own mess.
Yesterday I had a bad UTI and worked from home. The doc told me the UTI is due to.. our "interactions". Yes it makes total sense and I feel like an idiot for thinking it was my problem.I have passed really bad UTIs and I resent him for that, now HE comes to complain about the cat and talks about "how everything will change" and how "he will invite me to the beach" and how "when we marry we will pay someone to help clean and cook". Gaslighting is all it is. I would like a partner like me able to solve his own stuff alone but as my therapist says, that is only with foreigners, Latin men will always need a mom, a wife, a sister, a maid - a female figure at his service. Yuk.
I am selling myself short...
On Tuesday my mom arrives and will stay with me for a few days- looking forward to that. Please if I ever mention bringing someone to live with me, I'll pay for your ticket to Mexico to come and shake me and tell me "NO! DONT!!" until I get it.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,870
The sooner you get that guy out of your apartment and life, the better off you will be. Sorry, but from everything I have read about him, he is nothing but a loser and a user. You deserve better, but first, you deserve some quiet time to yourself. 
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Originally Posted by TakingCharge999
- He asked me to lend him luggage.
- He hasn't moved a finger around the apartment.
- He is not going to pay for the extra parking space we have paid
- talks about "how everything will change" and how "he will invite me to the beach" and how "when we marry we will pay someone to help clean and cook".
TC you've gotta throw yourself a "FREEDOM PARTY" when that loser leaves...as in, dance around to awesomely loud music drinking your favourite drink (I'm partial to virgin pina coladas!), maybe watch a ridiculously silly movie and stuff your face with popcorn while celebrating your liberation from that leech!
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Your support means a lot to me.
Thanks. Yes, I read my posts and think "WTF is wrong with her?".
He also used my car yesterday and now it is dirty and didn't put gas on it.
I am at that stage where you no longer care to be angry you just want that to be part of a Yesterday.
nodaybut2day: good idea. I started cleaning and will keep it on. It is a good idea to celebrate the Freedom. The other day I made a Clericott and I enjoyed it very much. I may rent a series and watch it all day while I do yoga!! I will buy my airplane tickt to the beach party next week - for 200 more I can stay one more night.
The guy said I need to save, money and days so we can go on a long weekend but - now that I think of it - I prefer an extra day on that hotel. With MY friends. Or alone. Got to ask for that extra day at the job. Thanks for the idea
And yes, the first 2 hours of freedom I know I will feel weird, so I'll play my favorite all time songs!! I got "girl power" songs for the ocasion.
ON a different topic, there is a park nearby that is quite charming and gets me in a good mood. On Sundays artists show their work and there is much activity. I have to have 5 paintings and send my "artistic resume" to pay a fee and be able to put my paintings over there. I would like to paint 5 goddesses/warriors/female legends.
Yes, I will be drinking clericott, cooking myself my favorite veggie dinner (tacos of soy 'meat', instead of tortillas I use lettuce, with some olive oil and Lemon & Pepper), browsing and sketching Goddesses, playing with the cats, and driving for THE HUGEST CANVAS I CAN FIND.
I have waited so many years to do that. Finally the world will enjoy my talents lol. Thanks, thanks I feel much better and excited now!!
Thanks. Yes, I read my posts and think "WTF is wrong with her?".
He also used my car yesterday and now it is dirty and didn't put gas on it.
I am at that stage where you no longer care to be angry you just want that to be part of a Yesterday.
nodaybut2day: good idea. I started cleaning and will keep it on. It is a good idea to celebrate the Freedom. The other day I made a Clericott and I enjoyed it very much. I may rent a series and watch it all day while I do yoga!! I will buy my airplane tickt to the beach party next week - for 200 more I can stay one more night.
The guy said I need to save, money and days so we can go on a long weekend but - now that I think of it - I prefer an extra day on that hotel. With MY friends. Or alone.
Got to ask for that extra day at the job. Thanks for the idea And yes, the first 2 hours of freedom I know I will feel weird, so I'll play my favorite all time songs!! I got "girl power" songs for the ocasion.
ON a different topic, there is a park nearby that is quite charming and gets me in a good mood. On Sundays artists show their work and there is much activity. I have to have 5 paintings and send my "artistic resume" to pay a fee and be able to put my paintings over there. I would like to paint 5 goddesses/warriors/female legends.
Yes, I will be drinking clericott, cooking myself my favorite veggie dinner (tacos of soy 'meat', instead of tortillas I use lettuce, with some olive oil and Lemon & Pepper), browsing and sketching Goddesses, playing with the cats, and driving for THE HUGEST CANVAS I CAN FIND.
I have waited so many years to do that. Finally the world will enjoy my talents lol. Thanks, thanks I feel much better and excited now!!
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Originally Posted by nodaybut2day
Ick. Ew. What a loser.
TC you've gotta throw yourself a "FREEDOM PARTY" when that loser leaves...as in, dance around to awesomely loud music drinking your favourite drink (I'm partial to virgin pina coladas!), maybe watch a ridiculously silly movie and stuff your face with popcorn while celebrating your liberation from that leech!
TC you've gotta throw yourself a "FREEDOM PARTY" when that loser leaves...as in, dance around to awesomely loud music drinking your favourite drink (I'm partial to virgin pina coladas!), maybe watch a ridiculously silly movie and stuff your face with popcorn while celebrating your liberation from that leech!
You sound awesome!!! I'm so happy for you!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Please if I ever mention bringing someone to live with me, I'll pay for your ticket to Mexico to come and shake me and tell me "NO! DONT!!" until I get it.
I would like to paint 5 goddesses/warriors/female legends.
And do something outrageous, like put on moviestar sunglasses and big hats to go to the artist's fair!
Beth
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Chocolate and cat treats it is. This is my favorite brand:
In US I tasted Godiva (there may be Godiva chocolates in the gourmet shops here but Lindt is enough).
I also like pina coladas.
Tomorrow a coworker invited me to a breakfast in a Golf Club. Yes, that is what it is about. Thanks thanks... it was just a relapse... I know better... it will get better...
In US I tasted Godiva (there may be Godiva chocolates in the gourmet shops here but Lindt is enough).
I also like pina coladas.
Tomorrow a coworker invited me to a breakfast in a Golf Club. Yes, that is what it is about. Thanks thanks... it was just a relapse... I know better... it will get better...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Thank God, this one has finally moved his carcase out.....keep him at a distance til he latches on to someone else, which of course he will.
Funny how "macho" men, always NEED a woman to do it all for them, so they can feel MACHO.
Quote: ((( Please! If I ever mention bringing someone to live with me, I'll pay for your ticket to Mexico to come and shake me and tell me "NO! DONT!!" until I get it. )))
Can do! Even if only thru SR, I figure you will feel like a cocktail.....shaken and stirred.
Go and enjoy your freedom TO BE YOU.
God bless
Funny how "macho" men, always NEED a woman to do it all for them, so they can feel MACHO.
Quote: ((( Please! If I ever mention bringing someone to live with me, I'll pay for your ticket to Mexico to come and shake me and tell me "NO! DONT!!" until I get it. )))
Can do! Even if only thru SR, I figure you will feel like a cocktail.....shaken and stirred.
Go and enjoy your freedom TO BE YOU.
God bless
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