TakingCharge999

Thought #1

About the first step, (while I was waiting for the therapist I read through an AA booklet) "our life has become unmanageable".

I was thinking that also means that one needs to become humble enough to accept our own version of life and reality may be distorted, we may be living a fantasy that is not real.

The therapist left me an exercise about writing qualities and defects of my dad, mom and myself.
The column for "dad-qualities" was full.
The column for "mom-qualities" had a couple of qualities only.
The column for "TC- qualities" was EMPTY. It took me more than 20 minutes to write down something.

"Mom-defects" and "TC-defects" are virtually the same.
The column for "TC- defects" was OVERFLOWING.

That exercise is not over yet but man was it an eye opener.

I was thinking that when I go into my old patterns and start suffering or feeling really bad, it may not be because of a reality - it may be because I am living a fantasy of my own making, or because I am just seeing a part of something much bigger, or because I believe I am getting something out of that misery. NONE of that is Reality.

It sounds so dumb when I write it but it feels great to be aware that one may be playing out some scene, but one is also the director and can say "done. now let's play out this other scene" and you CAN change the outlook.

I thought I was doomed to feel the same stuff forever but now I really believe I can change. What I feel CAN be changed

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Thought #2

IF the only thing that exists is the present moment.
And if God is eternal.
Then the only place one can feel God is the present. Not the past. Not the future. The present.

I really need to read those "The power of now" books...

LaTeeDa

It doesn't sound dumb at all TC. In fact, it sounds very enlightened. My kids and I were having a conversation about this over dinner the other night. It started because my son (13) listened to some podcast about quantum physics and parallel universes. But then we started talking about how perception can really be reality. On our vacation, we saw some beautiful places, but because it was a driving vacation, we also saw some really desolate, undesirable places, too. It gave them a new perspective on the little town we live in. What was once a boring, backwards, redneck, rural town, now doesn't seem quite so bad after all. It's all in the perception.

I must agree with this. The present moment IS eternal. When the past happened, it WAS the present. And when the future happens, it WILL BE the present. So, really there is nothing but the present. All else is just memories or speculation.

P.S. I found "A New Earth" easier to read than "The Power of Now," but both are eye-opening.

L

theuncertainty

It doesn't sound dumb at all, TC. Thank you for posting it; I really needed a reminder that I am not powerless, and this is a great help.

Recently, a friend of mine, who is involved in a local women's shelter, went over a similar exercise with me. We had 3 columns, but they were all to be my qualities, divided as physical, psychological, and expression/actions (how I present myself and act). They were to be about me, not TU as a mommy or TU as a daughter, etc.; who I am that is not dependent on any one else. After sitting there for who knows how long, I came up with a big zero on all 3. She had to help me and has asked that I review these traits regularly, until I can see them and until I can add my own, because (obviously) they were her positive perceptions of me and not necessarily my perceptions. It is really hard. I think I'm starting see her points, but am still working towards reaching a point where I'll be able to add to the list.