LexieCat

******{JayScott}}}}

NoDaybutoday

*sigh* I nursed my daughter exclusively from birth until 10 months, and then reverse cycled until she was almost 2. We just recently weaned. It really pains me to imagine a poor newborn being deprived of breastmilk because his mother is too intoxicated.

Have you contacted Milkshare to see if there would be a local donor willing to donate her breastmilk to your son?
Donation

*hugs* I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, but please know that you're doing your son a huge favour by addressing the issue now instead of letting it lie for years and years.

suki44883

Just as a caution...don't be surprised if your son spits up the formula at first. Sometimes it can be trial and error to find the right formula for your baby. You might want to contact her doctor and explain that you are making the switch and see what he/she recommends. You don't have to go into all the gory details if you don't want to, but it might be helpful to get his/her opinion.

You're doing a wonderful job and you are a great dad! ((((HUGS))))

ThatWasThen

This is excellent advice. I knew that my wife was drinking while home alone with the children, but I didn't know how much or how often. When she eventually hit bottom and ended up in the hospital, a social worker came to talk to her. She told the social worker that she had been taking care of the children while intoxicated, so the social worker was obligated to report us to Child Protective Services for suspicion of child neglect. And the report isn't just about my wife, it's about me, too. Never in my darkest moments would I have ever anticipated the nightmare of worrying that a knock on the door could lead to my children being taken away from me. But that's the situation I'm in now, and it's because I turned away when I saw my wife drinking.

So "wanting" is correct: as bad as things are for you now, jayscott, they'll get much, much worse if you don't get your child out of your wife's care now.

Thumper

You are in such a painful place.

When I came here, also in a painful place, with the confusing emotions swirling, more then one person said all I needed to do was the next right thing. You are doing well in that regard.

Keep taking quiet moments and don't think 'to' far ahead, and when making a decision, don't dwell on the confusing emotional turmoil, just focus on the next right thing.

jayscott

Life is not without moments of irony, it seems...went out tonight to get some breast milk alcohol testing strips to see how much could be salvaged from our dwindling supplies, and got run off the road by a drunk driver. I think I'm done for today, we'll see if tomorrow brings better times.

She dumped what was left of the wine she bought today, she really wants to be able to feed the baby, but I fear it will take too long to metabolize everything.

transformyself

Wow. That's amazing. You're in some crazy stuff Buddy.

But-in my experience, in times like these, I can hear and see The Angels. They surround me and sing to me.

Try to get sleep. Try to be quiet and listen to them

And I would make this
my mantra.

It's really all you have to say, because whenever I try to discuss AH drinking with him, he twists and contorts everything. The more I try to make sense of WTF he's saying, or try to make my point clear, the worse it becomes. It's like quicksand.

So I don't go there. I state my boundary and keep moving.

Glad you called in the family. Big hugs.

transformyself

This should be posted in every school, day care and grocery store.

TakingCharge999

Hi jayscott. I am thinking about you and sending you my thoughts.

Here is a great link about alcoholism:
Addiction, Lies and Relationships

I am sad to report there are many of us who have been hurt witnessing an alcoholic and the inevitable progression. We all know how it feels. We all thought we were going crazy. But here we compare notes and realize we are not alone, that it IS a progressive and chronic disease and that it has nothing to do with us. That is a tough one. But it still true.


I know your time is very limited but these are some recommendations for reference:

"Codependent no more" by Melody Beatty is a GREAT book.
Here are other links that I find very helpful.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ddicts-do.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...lics-make.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...cters-1-a.html


Keep moving forward. You are doing the right thing.

hello-kitty

Don't worry. Your child will be fine if he ends up on formula. I'd say that's the least of your worries right now. :-) Babies still grow up to be healthy, well-adjust children without breast milk. Thank God for options!

I'm so glad you have help on the way.

Sounds like you are making wise choices for you and your child. Your wife is going to do what she is going to do - we cannot fix an alcoholic. Recovery means they have to do it themselves.

I hope you'll keep posting.

Suzie12

Hiya,

Just wanted to say what a wonderful person you are hun, you are doing the very best you can in an extremely difficult situation. Your wife is very lucky she has your support and your son is lucky to have you as his father.

I really hope we see your wife on here at some point telling us she is ready to quit and go into a programme.

Best of luck with everything, we are all thinking/praying for you and your family.

jayscott

Hadn't had a chance to get online much yesterday, it was a pretty rough day, but wanted to give an update for all of the concerned voices out there. She started detoxing at home yesterday...wasn't pretty. Hearing things. Woke up this morning and said "I can't live like this anymore." I know that's not exactly asking to go to rehab but it's the first time she's ever said out loud that she's getting fed up with it. Trying not to hang all my hope on that. Time will tell.

Thank you all again for amplifying the voices of reason in my head.

suki44883

Thanks for the update, jayscott. You are right not to hang your hopes on anything she says right now. Just try to take things one day at a time and deal with things as they come up. It sounds like you have the childcare thing pretty much under control, which was the most imperative of the bunch. You hang in there and give that precious little baby a few cuddles from his auties on SR!

luckyrina

Hello Jay, so sad to hear what your going through. I know it's hard but you will find a solution. Hopefully it will be soon. With your wife being the alcoholic and she's breast feeding, the baby gets whatever she is eating and drinking, so therefore that is not healthy for your son. Arguring with a person who has been drinking or is drunk does not work, she does not have the compacity to understand or even not to remember. Sometimes we have to take it a step further and do what is best for you and your son. Make the situation healthier then what it is. Doing the next right thing, whatever that may be. You can even do an intervention. I do wish you the best and keep posting.
You and your family are in my Prayers.

wow1323

Jay, I don't know what to say. I'm just happy your son has you to protect him. Give him formula it has plenty of vitamins in it and better than taking a chance. Do not leave the baby alone with your AW. Period .........Call your family and friends that you trust. It is time to ask for help.

Bernadette

Jay welcome and keep up the good fight for your precious son!

Just a thought - can you locate the number of your local AA chapter?
Alcoholics Anonymous :

Jot it down on a piece of paper and just hand it to her and let her know that there are people out there who CAN help her. No pressure to call, just give her the number, let go of the outcome, and continue to make safe, serious plans for your son's care and upbringing.

The ball is always in her court as far as recovery is concerned. And the ball is in your court as far as your happiness and the health/well-being of DS (dear son!). It may not be the road you planned to take but it is the one you're on and please know you're not alone. Glad you're here.

Peace-
B

Thumper

Your son is a lucky boy to have you. I'm so glad you updated.

If your wife continues to hear voices I would urge her to see her doctor. I do not know a lot about post partum depression other then that it needs to be treated and won't go away just by sobering up.

You are really doing an admirable job of handling things.

ChrrisT

Welcome Jay

This is such a sad situation. I'm sick just reading about it -

ALCOHOL SUCKS!!!

As far a childcare - how about a mother's helper?

We don't believe in ultimatums, they never work, but in case like this, how about go you to rehab or go to jail for child endangerment.

She is sick that is true, but she has the choice.

Take her the family doctor, have an intervention, don't keep hidden. Typically they have to reach rock bottom - hers has to happen quickly.

Just MO

Good luck to you

LexieCat

If she is having hallucinations, that could be very dangerous. Alcohol withdrawal can be deadly.

She needs to see a doctor, and possibly have a medically-supervised detox.

Seriously. Unlike heroin withdrawal, which is very uncomfortable but seldom dangerous, alcohol withdrawal can kill a person. I saw my ex-husband almost die from it.

wanting

I wonder if she has post-postpartum psychosis. I hope that you and she can go visit a doctor asap. PPP can trigger feeling of dependency on alcohol as a coping mechanism.