Freedom1990

I saw this coming a mile away. After she shelled out thousands of dollars so he could attend a friend's funeral in NY, and too many other things to mention, he didn't like the fact she has grown a backbone and will not change for him.

He was at my house yesterday after riding her motorcycle, and she ran to Walmart for me to pick up some things. I could tell he was irritated as hell with the current situation. I know they went to the country club last night so he could drink because he was telling her friends had invited them out when she got back with my stuff.

He's been keeping the fire under her butt about moving back to NY, and she's not willing to give everything up for him.

Long term at my house is not an option for her unless things change drastically from when I booted her out.

I'm paying my own bills now, so my parents don't have strings to yank.

For now, I'm just going to take it a day at a time.

wicked

Freedom,

Thank you for posting this. My youngest (in rehab now) is still attached to idiotic boyfriend, and plans on going to college when she gets out of rehab.
Yeah, life as she knew it is over. This is my house. Yep.
God, it will suck though. :ghug3
I am still working on reacting to her bad choices.

Beth

Freedom1990

It's so hard not to do that when all we want is the best for our kids, you know?

It took a lot of practice, deep breathing, and letting go over and over before it was no longer a knee-jerk reaction to my daughter's bad choices.

The beautiful thing about continuing to work on that and not react is that we do have a good relationship today. She knows she can come to me to talk, without fear of judgment or a lecture.

My mom wasn't a mom you could talk to about anything, and it's still that way today!

As I said, I'll take it a day at a time, a moment at a time for now.

She had been talking about helping me getting the interior painting done on the house, and pulling up what little crappy carpet is left, so this may be a good thing in the long run. We shall see.

She is going to find out I am not the same as I was a year ago, and I will not run a flophouse. My house, my rules.

Pelican

Family resemblence! I know you are proud of her for standing up for herself.

Wishing you both a happy future! :ghug3

wicked

Oh yes, especially when I was running interference from consequences or treating her like a baby, and thinking it was the best. I know much better now, and I am practicing detachment and allowing her the dignity of making her own choices, even if I don't see them as in her best interest.

We have been working on this too. I notice that when she is doing self destructive things she will avoid me. And I can call her on it. Obviously, since she went to jail, she did it again, but I think she actually got something out of the jail experience.
She said,
"Mom, there are women in there, (jail) who are your age, who keep coming back because of their addictions."
Yep, and it can happen to you too. You have choices to make now.

so onward and upward i say, even at my age (50!) i still have another half of my life to live and it doesnt include any more rescuing of addicts.
Peace of mind, body, soul.

Beth

Impurrfect

(((DeVon))) - oh, I think Amber already knows that you're not the same person you were, a year ago, but she may still try the "old behaviors" just to "test the water". I have complete faith in you, that you will protect YOUR serenity while allowing Amber the dignity of making decisions and facing the consequences of those, good or bad. After all, that IS what growing up is about, right?

Sending big hugs and prayers to you, Amber, and all the furbabies,

Amy

CatsPajamas

((( devon ))) this made me smile.

It will be an interesting time when each of you learns what is the same and what is different about the other. My sons were both more than a little puzzled when i first started setting boundaries. They tried them out, bumped up against them a time or two, tested them a bit to see if they were for real.

We stumbled a bit as the steps to the dance changed, but we made it thru. Honestly, our relationships are richer and stronger as a result. It's good for them to see that I have made positive changes and that I respect myself a lot more than I used to. It's funny - it took awhile for me to see that it must have been difficult for my boys to respect me when i didn't yet respect myself...

Mom hugs
Cats

Freedom1990

Well that lasted a long time! She's going back to the farm today.

I snore like a grizzly. She got no sleep.

He stopped by today to drop off her phone charger, and they were outside talking for a bit. He's whining like a baby now since she wasn't there last night.

Better her than me. No more King Babies in my life!

I can snore to my heart's content tonight without having her yell at me to quit snoring!

wicked

The ultimate fall back plan!
:rotfxko

Yeah, no more king babies!

Beth

RollTide

"I snore like a grizzly. She got no sleep."

Brilliant plan! LOL!

CatsPajamas

Who KNEW it could be that easy? LOL

Isn't it funny how things work out just the way they are supposed to?

Freedom1990

Life's never dull at my house! You know, both of my daughters insisted for years that I snored, and I kept telling them I did NOT!

Then one day I woke myself up from a nap because I was snoring so loud. No more denial for me!

I even had the sleep test done for apnea, and it came out fine. I just snore like a grizzly.

The good news is she got all the new bedding on yesterday (I had to get a mattress pad first), so I don't have to do that!

Life is good, and once again quiet in my household.