I apologize
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 53
I apologize
I apologize for the phrasing I used in my last post.
A while back I contacted a forum leader and asked if my posts pertaining to kids were too vitrolic, if they were not welcome here. I expressed concern that I was alienating everyone.
I was told this was a place for all people to share their views. Whatever their views may be. And that my posts were welcome.
I admit the obscenity was overboard but I felt attacked. No excuse and I do apologize.
A while back I contacted a forum leader and asked if my posts pertaining to kids were too vitrolic, if they were not welcome here. I expressed concern that I was alienating everyone.
I was told this was a place for all people to share their views. Whatever their views may be. And that my posts were welcome.
I admit the obscenity was overboard but I felt attacked. No excuse and I do apologize.
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Thanks Tiny...so much.
Being direct is a quality we share...it takes me FOREVER sometimes to post because I need the phrasing to be right. We need to be gentle with each other...sometimes we are the only ones who are.
Hugs,
JT
Being direct is a quality we share...it takes me FOREVER sometimes to post because I need the phrasing to be right. We need to be gentle with each other...sometimes we are the only ones who are.
Hugs,
JT
Paused
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Iowa USA
Posts: 102
Tinyone, I think if you are here, you have problems just like everyone else, so things may happen sometimes. Hopefully we can all help each other. I like what just tired said, gentleness. Best wishes.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 53
The more I think about all the problems that have come out today the more hurt I am.
I don't post what I am going though because I don't feel I deserve unconditional support--I've done some questionable, easily misunderstood things and I think unconditional support would be false. And would do me an injustice. (plus it's embarassing-hehe) And I can't give it to others so I don't feel I should look for it.
I don't think unconditional support all the time is necessarily healthy. For anyone here. Empathy is another thing completely. I empathize. I've been there, if not with Bob than with past relationships.
What I don't understand is why, if there is so much negativity built up towards me, didn't anyone think to PM me? All it would have taken was one person sending me a message or directing a post to me saying "Tiny One, your posts towards parents are offending a lot of people." That's all it would have taken. One person.
I think once you get it in your head that someone is a witch, shall we say? then every post thereafter is colored with that perception.
I worry about a lot of people. Sometimes I check back the next day to make sure they checked in. I mentioned someone's comment the other day because it was so uncharacteristic of that person and tried to make a joke out of it because I was worried.
I'm not looking for absolution or support now, either. I just think in the future if someone is ticking you off all the time, take the time to let them know. They might be more receptive then you think.
None of this excuses my behavior today--totally separate issue.
I don't post what I am going though because I don't feel I deserve unconditional support--I've done some questionable, easily misunderstood things and I think unconditional support would be false. And would do me an injustice. (plus it's embarassing-hehe) And I can't give it to others so I don't feel I should look for it.
I don't think unconditional support all the time is necessarily healthy. For anyone here. Empathy is another thing completely. I empathize. I've been there, if not with Bob than with past relationships.
What I don't understand is why, if there is so much negativity built up towards me, didn't anyone think to PM me? All it would have taken was one person sending me a message or directing a post to me saying "Tiny One, your posts towards parents are offending a lot of people." That's all it would have taken. One person.
I think once you get it in your head that someone is a witch, shall we say? then every post thereafter is colored with that perception.
I worry about a lot of people. Sometimes I check back the next day to make sure they checked in. I mentioned someone's comment the other day because it was so uncharacteristic of that person and tried to make a joke out of it because I was worried.
I'm not looking for absolution or support now, either. I just think in the future if someone is ticking you off all the time, take the time to let them know. They might be more receptive then you think.
None of this excuses my behavior today--totally separate issue.
Paused
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Iowa USA
Posts: 102
I don't think you are a witch. I think you have your own hurt and anger. I think you make a good point about empathy, too.
My opinion: There is support and then there is support. Some people are in a lot of trouble and need unjudgemental support just to make it through the night. Then there are others who need support in their growth, I think you will see less agreement and more "suggestions" in those situations.
I hear what you say about PM, maybe people didn't know you would be open to that. I know I never would have thought of it and would have been afraid of offending if I did think of it.
Anyway, I hope everyone finds their own comfort level here.
Gotta go, goodnight all.
My opinion: There is support and then there is support. Some people are in a lot of trouble and need unjudgemental support just to make it through the night. Then there are others who need support in their growth, I think you will see less agreement and more "suggestions" in those situations.
I hear what you say about PM, maybe people didn't know you would be open to that. I know I never would have thought of it and would have been afraid of offending if I did think of it.
Anyway, I hope everyone finds their own comfort level here.
Gotta go, goodnight all.
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
Tiny,
No one really had a major problem with your posts until today. Trust me, someone would have said something to you sooner if there was a problem. Today, it went a little too far.
We offer support here and for the most part we try to be gentle. But sometimes a few of us will swing a skillet every now and then. Does anyone have the right to do that? Other than freedom of speech, maybe not. We are all doing the best we can and people want to know they can come here, share anything, and not be judged. But sometimes it can be frustrating watching someone bang their head against the same wall time after time, and I can understand wanting to try to shake some sense into that person. There's a difference between swinging a skillet and passing judgement. If I tell you I think you should leave your married boyfriend and run for the hills, I'm swinging the skillet, but I'm doing it b/c I care. If I tell you you have your head up your ass, I'm passing judgement and I'm not being supportive or helpful.
Now, if I read suggestions or advice from someone that I think will do more harm than good, I will definitely come out swinging!
Anyway, my point is, you should feel ok with sharing anything here, b/c most of us try not to pass judgement, even if we don't agree with what you've said or done. And if someone does try to beat up on you, we'll beat up on them the same way we did to you earlier!
Peace,
JG
No one really had a major problem with your posts until today. Trust me, someone would have said something to you sooner if there was a problem. Today, it went a little too far.
We offer support here and for the most part we try to be gentle. But sometimes a few of us will swing a skillet every now and then. Does anyone have the right to do that? Other than freedom of speech, maybe not. We are all doing the best we can and people want to know they can come here, share anything, and not be judged. But sometimes it can be frustrating watching someone bang their head against the same wall time after time, and I can understand wanting to try to shake some sense into that person. There's a difference between swinging a skillet and passing judgement. If I tell you I think you should leave your married boyfriend and run for the hills, I'm swinging the skillet, but I'm doing it b/c I care. If I tell you you have your head up your ass, I'm passing judgement and I'm not being supportive or helpful.
Now, if I read suggestions or advice from someone that I think will do more harm than good, I will definitely come out swinging!
Anyway, my point is, you should feel ok with sharing anything here, b/c most of us try not to pass judgement, even if we don't agree with what you've said or done. And if someone does try to beat up on you, we'll beat up on them the same way we did to you earlier!
Peace,
JG
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 413
Tiny One
I think that Bob person hurt you a lot more than youre willing to admit. I think your still pissed at him and youre frustrated cause you have unresolved issues with him. I hear a lot of anger in your words. When you have that much anger in you its bound to spill out.
I think youre grieving for the relationship you might have had. Right now youre in the anger stage. Its hard on you. Trouble is its hard on some of the rest of us too. LOL.
Not me personally.
Ive probably been guilty too a few times of a snippy post. We all need to take it easy on some of the more fragile ones. Its real tempting to yell at them when will you learn cause weve seen 14 other postees doing the same exact thing.
I think that Bob person hurt you a lot more than youre willing to admit. I think your still pissed at him and youre frustrated cause you have unresolved issues with him. I hear a lot of anger in your words. When you have that much anger in you its bound to spill out.
I think youre grieving for the relationship you might have had. Right now youre in the anger stage. Its hard on you. Trouble is its hard on some of the rest of us too. LOL.
Not me personally.
Ive probably been guilty too a few times of a snippy post. We all need to take it easy on some of the more fragile ones. Its real tempting to yell at them when will you learn cause weve seen 14 other postees doing the same exact thing.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: California, USA
Posts: 1,095
Tiny,
I've been reading these posts with interest. I am a moderator here, and one day one of the people in my forum seemed to me to be whining excessively about a situation in her life. I was frustrated, but instead of giving her a whack, I went over her with a steam-roller. She pm'd me and was actually accepting of what I said, however she never came back.
To this day I feel badly about that and wish I had been gentler.
Juls
I've been reading these posts with interest. I am a moderator here, and one day one of the people in my forum seemed to me to be whining excessively about a situation in her life. I was frustrated, but instead of giving her a whack, I went over her with a steam-roller. She pm'd me and was actually accepting of what I said, however she never came back.
To this day I feel badly about that and wish I had been gentler.
Juls
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: US
Posts: 6
Whoa Tiny
Tiny, I have been reading the posts from today, and at first I could not figure out why you were apologizing. Then I read further in to the posts. Did you even read the posts first? None of us come here to be talked to like that. A difference in opinion is one thing, but my goodness!!!!!! I think most of accept your apology, and realize that it took a lot to apologize, but please be careful in the future. We are here to support one another. If you need to criticize, please learn to be more constructive. Nuff said!!! Hugs to all, Spike.
Learning to love life...
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
I just wanted to add my 2 cents...
For what its worth
One of the things I have to keep reminding myself of, is that I am not here (at SR) to steer people in the "right" direction, or give advice and rules to follow.
In fact, this is a place to share; an opportunity to suggest and encourage; to offer up the lessons WE have learned, and our views on the particular situation.
We have to be aware that these are REAL people and not just ID's; demeaning and judgemental words can hurt.
Take care
Meg
For what its worth
One of the things I have to keep reminding myself of, is that I am not here (at SR) to steer people in the "right" direction, or give advice and rules to follow.
In fact, this is a place to share; an opportunity to suggest and encourage; to offer up the lessons WE have learned, and our views on the particular situation.
We have to be aware that these are REAL people and not just ID's; demeaning and judgemental words can hurt.
Take care
Meg
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