What percentage don't drink?
What percentage don't drink?
I knew my husband and his group of friends drank all the time but at a very young age it is just partying. Young and having a good time at the lake every weekend in the winter our house was the hang out house. The guys played cards or whatever and drank and we girls would go shopping or cook and gossip or whatever and our guys were close by. We were very young then and did not know about alcohol being a disease. We are not together now after 23 years of marriage not counting dating. I did not know until I found this sight what a mess of a disease alcohol is and how many people it effects. I’m sitting here wondering what percentage of men Don’t have the disease. Without alcohol I would still be married and I can bet so many of you would be still married also. This was our only problem, it was the other women (and you can’t fight a bottle and run her off) without it I had a very intelligent man who’s family owns two radio stations(they fired him cause he showed up drunk or not at all). No other man can ever compare to his touch, his love, his kisses (the feelings he gave me before alcohol smell poured out of his skin). I just knew this disease would go away because my love for him and his love for me and his children was much stronger and he would choose us. Is alcohol a stronger drug than crack cocaine and all those other’s that tear family’s apart? I just can’t grasp the fact that a man would choose alcohol over a normal, loving family that goes to church and all the things you would think a man would want, loving wife, beautiful children. I could have even accepted if he said I don’t love you but I will take care of my children, he even let them fade out of his life. I can’t imagine any type of drug that would make me forget my children. I guess if he loved me as much as the alcohol he would be a stalker and never let me out of his sight, he wouldn’t be able to think of anything but me, you know what? He did love me this much at one time long ago and I miss that guy. Now she (VO and Coke) stole his sole.
Hi Letgo
For now - my RAH (recovering alcoholic husband) chooses and works hard for a sober healthy life which includes us. But it took time and he lost everything for a while. His rock bottom.
He wanted his LIFE to be different, better, normal.
He stopped drinking and got help to have that life, with that he got his family back.
He choose alcohol over a healthy LIFE for along time, and the reality is he may again someday.
As a wife of an Alcohlic I know that and except it. But I enjoy my life today and TRY not to think about tomorrow.
I'm sorry for pain. He choose alcohol over a LIFE without it. Unfortunately that includes his family.
For now - my RAH (recovering alcoholic husband) chooses and works hard for a sober healthy life which includes us. But it took time and he lost everything for a while. His rock bottom.
He wanted his LIFE to be different, better, normal.
He stopped drinking and got help to have that life, with that he got his family back.
He choose alcohol over a healthy LIFE for along time, and the reality is he may again someday.
As a wife of an Alcohlic I know that and except it. But I enjoy my life today and TRY not to think about tomorrow.
I'm sorry for pain. He choose alcohol over a LIFE without it. Unfortunately that includes his family.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 390
I hear you. I remember when volunteering at the campus hospital in my 3rd year of school, with a nurse in the psychiatry dept. She told me how much was 'normal' drinking when we were talking about it with relation to her patients, and I said then every university student is an alcoholic, because we all drank A LOT more than that!
Even when school ended and we all moved on and got jobs, we still hit it hard. I recently went back to my old city and met up with some friends for cocktails. It was a nice club for the after-work crowd in the business district, and I was still amazed at how many 'adults' still tie one on pretty hard - and so many of them do this still every weekend! It's really part of a mentality of unwinding, socializing etc. and I suppose it's only a problem if you HAVE to be there versus being able to leave when you choose. I wonder how many people there HAD to be there?
On my path before I found Al Anon, I cried many nights about why he continued to choose alcohol over me and our family. Because I was looking at it from my perspective of being able to leave it. Unfortunately it seems that in his brain he sees it differently, a way I could never understand. I truly don't think that he wants us to be hurt or lose us, but somehow that information gets lost or rationalized away and the compulsion to drink trumps it. I suppose that's why he feels so bad after. Then after a few days, the rationalizations begin again and it doesn't seem so bad to have just one. The closest thing I can relate it to is when I used to get drunk. The next day hangover sucked - I'm never going to drink again! Then next weekend rolls around and all of a sudden you've forgotten how crappy you felt last weekend, or you feel you won't drink as hard this time around.
I recently heard a lot about alcoholism being an anxiety disorder, much like OCD. The person feels anxiety and must perform their compulsion to ease it, like turning on and off the light switch 20 times. What works for many is behaviour modification - not allowing them to touch the switch and working through their anxiety to show them that it will subside and they can manage. I suppose recovery for an A is similar - AA doesn't allow them to pick up that drink, and helps them face the residual feelings they must then face. Makes a lot of sense to me, but doesn't always make it easier to handle.
Sometimes I am really saddened when I look at my situation. On bad days I really wish things were just different, and on good days I manage to see the good things in my life and make it one more day.
Even when school ended and we all moved on and got jobs, we still hit it hard. I recently went back to my old city and met up with some friends for cocktails. It was a nice club for the after-work crowd in the business district, and I was still amazed at how many 'adults' still tie one on pretty hard - and so many of them do this still every weekend! It's really part of a mentality of unwinding, socializing etc. and I suppose it's only a problem if you HAVE to be there versus being able to leave when you choose. I wonder how many people there HAD to be there?
On my path before I found Al Anon, I cried many nights about why he continued to choose alcohol over me and our family. Because I was looking at it from my perspective of being able to leave it. Unfortunately it seems that in his brain he sees it differently, a way I could never understand. I truly don't think that he wants us to be hurt or lose us, but somehow that information gets lost or rationalized away and the compulsion to drink trumps it. I suppose that's why he feels so bad after. Then after a few days, the rationalizations begin again and it doesn't seem so bad to have just one. The closest thing I can relate it to is when I used to get drunk. The next day hangover sucked - I'm never going to drink again! Then next weekend rolls around and all of a sudden you've forgotten how crappy you felt last weekend, or you feel you won't drink as hard this time around.
I recently heard a lot about alcoholism being an anxiety disorder, much like OCD. The person feels anxiety and must perform their compulsion to ease it, like turning on and off the light switch 20 times. What works for many is behaviour modification - not allowing them to touch the switch and working through their anxiety to show them that it will subside and they can manage. I suppose recovery for an A is similar - AA doesn't allow them to pick up that drink, and helps them face the residual feelings they must then face. Makes a lot of sense to me, but doesn't always make it easier to handle.
Sometimes I am really saddened when I look at my situation. On bad days I really wish things were just different, and on good days I manage to see the good things in my life and make it one more day.
Yeah, there is definitely the obsession/compulsion, though it isn't exactly like OCD, and it doesn't really respond to the same kinds of therapies. Though I wasn't lost as deeply in my alcohol addiction when I stopped as some people are, it's a terrifying thought to an alcoholic to give up drinking forever (and giving it up forever is really the only effective way to arrest the disease). It's our go-to default response to everything--coping with stress, celebrating, combating boredom. When we try to stop, the feelings of panic are so overwhelming that we feel like we are going to die if we can't have a drink. And to justify our drinking we have a boatload of excuses and rationalizations. If our drinking is causing someone else trouble, well, that's THEIR problem. We become incredibly selfish, but the selfishness is born of fear and compulsion.
I was fortunate enough to finally, after years of trying to "control" my drinking, finally be DONE with it. Some people have to travel a lot further down the road before the pain is sufficiently great to actually do something about their alcoholism, and some people never do.
Most alcoholics who lose their families and still keep drinking have managed to make the loss, in their minds, all about the other person--how it was all his or her fault. It's the disease, the addiction, protecting itself. The addiction will kick and scream to the bitter end.
I was fortunate enough to finally, after years of trying to "control" my drinking, finally be DONE with it. Some people have to travel a lot further down the road before the pain is sufficiently great to actually do something about their alcoholism, and some people never do.
Most alcoholics who lose their families and still keep drinking have managed to make the loss, in their minds, all about the other person--how it was all his or her fault. It's the disease, the addiction, protecting itself. The addiction will kick and scream to the bitter end.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)