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New here and dating an alcoholic.

Old 08-08-2010, 11:44 AM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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It's a waste of your own life to pine away for something that isn't real. There are people out there on whom your love won't be wasted. You'll miss out on that by chasing an illusion.
I probably already am. I've had a few guys ask me out on a date. I just really do not feel like it. I know I waste my time on chasing after my ex. It just hurts so bad to know that someone you loved and cared for could care less if you live or die.

I've broken down and contacted him through Facebook,but I never get more than a "I am fine" response when I ask how he is. He's even deleted me on there,and I,again in a state of weakness tried to add him back. He denied me. It's obvious that he just does not give a damn.

I don't know why I even bother. My life is not so great at the moment anyways. I'm dealing with my own depression and anxiety,and I really don't need his s*it on top.

So why do I miss him and even try? I really want off this rollercoaster of emotions. I HAVE to find the strength inside of ME to get off.
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Old 08-08-2010, 11:52 AM
  # 42 (permalink)  
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It's also not such a great feeling when he treated you like you were dirt on occasions. Yet he plays the nice guy to her,and everyone around him. I only wonder if he would treat any woman he dates/marrys etc etc the way he treated me.
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Old 08-09-2010, 07:56 AM
  # 43 (permalink)  
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Hey Musicislove82,

Thanks for the input,I've been trying to keep in touch with this site and it really has helped me since.I did come to realize that I cannot change him,and of course that goes with everyone.I'm still with my boyfriend,but I am more cautious to not be so vulnerable and I may have even put up a few walls.It's been a week since the last time he did something stupid,but thats you know,a week is not enough to prove anything.

I try to stop myself from thinking like,"hey,he's actually going good now,maybe I'll let these walls down" but no,it's only been a week,like I said.I came to realize that we'll never have a normal relationship until he straightens up.

I still plan on doing the things I want to,with or without him.I know for a fact,I will not let him ruin my life even if he has already ruined his own. Right now,I'm just the type of person who does like to take care of people,I do want to see where it goes,even if I know where it may already lead...there's that little glimmer of hope in my eyes. Even if he's let me down a million times,he's my best friend,I'm not gonna abandon him,but if it means I have to leave him then I will.
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Old 08-09-2010, 10:29 AM
  # 44 (permalink)  
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hey,he's actually going good now,maybe I'll let these walls down" but no,it's only been a week,like I said.I came to realize that we'll never have a normal relationship until he straightens up.
a week

I sit here so confused - why do we do this?

I just read a thread from a woman who is finally letting go after 10 years. Another post from a woman who gave up 23 years of her life.

Why do tolerate it for 20% happiness - for a couple of good moments.

Even if he's let me down a million times,he's my best friend,I'm not gonna abandon him,but if it means I have to leave him then I will.
REALLY!! when after 10 years have been wasted and your 35ish. WHY?

Read the sadness in these threads - the pain.

Read the ones that you're thinking don't apply to you, maybe cause they are married and have children and seem so different from you.

Because that is where your life is headed.

Sometimes things turn out well, sometimes! - but is it worth the HELL you'll have to go through to get there?! You have no idea what you are in for.

(But we'll keep are trying to tell you, cause that's what we are here for)


Christie
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Old 08-09-2010, 11:44 AM
  # 45 (permalink)  
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Thanks for checking back in Excordis!

You have my support and hope for the strength to do what you need to in order to take care of yourself.

Please remember that this forum is for YOU and that only you can decide what is best for you.

Peace and (((hugs)))
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Old 08-09-2010, 11:52 AM
  # 46 (permalink)  
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It's your life, excordis and you are the one who has to live with your decisions. If you aren't ready to leave the relationship, then don't. Leaving before we are truly ready usually just means we go back when they say the things we want to hear. Just know that you can come here at any time and vent and we will support you. Take care of yourself, hon.
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Old 08-09-2010, 12:48 PM
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Thanks guys and I know I sound crazy for staying,but I'm actually kind of glad for realizing all this even though I'm still with him.I will let go when I'm ready,and that could be soon who knows. I really like those little smiley faces that hug each other hahah it makes me feel all happy inside because they're so cute!
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Old 08-09-2010, 01:33 PM
  # 48 (permalink)  
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Your not crazy - you're young and in love.

Take good care of yourself. And yes when you are ready you will do what is right for you.

This forum is for all of us. Some give hugs, advise, awesome advise, tell wonderful and sad stories and some just want to shake some sense into ya'.

Different people and different styles, but we all mean well and we are all here to help each other.

keep reading and posting
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Old 08-09-2010, 01:45 PM
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I definitely need the sense shaken into lol
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Old 08-09-2010, 01:50 PM
  # 50 (permalink)  
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Hi ExCordis. I am glad you are going to a therapist. The important question is why you find that kind of person attractive in the first place...

I went out with someone like that and it is heartbreaking to see them prefer alcohol and start changing for the worse. But it is more heartbreaking to see someone who can be healthy,loving and productive to lose her life and health as well.

You have no options regarding what others will do but your life is yours and as a wonderful woman here told me "you are still writing your own story".
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