Alcoholic Boyfriend, advice?? Support?? Help...

Old 08-08-2010, 06:28 PM
  # 41 (permalink)  
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 26
Hi BadChoices,

My sister married a fully "recovered alcoholic." He was a very functional & successful stock broker. The two years of their marriage was great and they had a son together. But when the economy tanked & his job was in jepardy, that stress led him right back to the bottle. He quickly became a totally disfunctional alcoholic. My sister stayed with him for many years and tried to help him recover from his addiction, but he never did. He constantly lied to her about his drinking. If he even had a job during that time, he'd always leave early to go drink at a bar before heading home. Ironically, I remember my sister telling me early in her marriage to him, that he would never ever cheat on her - he is not the cheating kind. Perhaps that was true when he was sober. However, 10 years later (8 of which he was abusing alcohol) my sister came home early from work one day and found him and a random woman from the bar naked in her bed together. They both didn't even her my sister come in because they were both passed out & hung over. She finally divorced him after that. Her ex-husband in now a homeless alcoholic.
My poor nephew hasn't even heard from him in over a year.

I understand how you feel. I believe I am in a relationship with a man who for sure has a growing alcohol dependence problem and is likely already a functional alcoholic. We have been dating 2 years. I first noticed his enormous binge drinking episodes (12 to 14 drinks in 2 to 3 hrs) a few months into the relationship. I addressed it with him and asked him to cut back. He did for a little while but it slowly escalated back up to again and is getting worse. Ive been told that alcoholics are emotionally unavailable in relationships and their emotional growth/maturity is stunted at their age which they began the abuse. I believe this may be the case with my man. I've been attending Al-Anon meetings. They have been wonderful and were very inviting. They wanted me to see the devestation alcoholism reeks on a family in hopes they could prevent my and my future children from suffering the same fate. At this point I know I need to break it off with him but just haven't found the heart/courage yet to do so. However my courage is quickly growing more and more.........

If I were you, I'd get out of that relationship before you grow any more emotionally attached to him. At the very least I'd break it off at least temporarily and tell him not to contact you until he has gone x number of months without a drink. In the meantime, date other people. It may help give you more perspective. Take care,
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Old 08-09-2010, 06:31 PM
  # 42 (permalink)  
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 390
Originally Posted by Babyblue View Post
"Take what you like and leave the rest. But if the answers bug you, maybe there is a reason why. It's up to you to do what you will with that. We were all there, in that honeymoon phase, and these voices are from those who have walked in your shoes. It would be wonderful for us to have helped someone get on the right path before all the pain, but sometimes we have to walk the path of pain before we get the message."

The answers probably bug her because they weren't answers to her questions. The projection was also probably bugging her.
That's why I said 'take what you like and leave the rest'. I guess that when someone posts here, they cannot control what the responses will be. Reason why I asked about her being bothered is because I know that when I've read posts here I have felt 'bugged' too at times, and it's usually because someone hit a nerve. In the end, everything is up to her; hopefully she found something useful to help her in her situation.
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Old 08-10-2010, 06:43 AM
  # 43 (permalink)  
ChrrisT's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Alexandria Township, NJ
Posts: 275

I have felt 'bugged' too at times, and it's usually because someone hit a nerve. In the end, everything is up to her; hopefully she found something useful to help her in her situation.
I find myself thinking about too and being annoyed. It's like talking to a friend who just won't get it.

There have been post from newcomers that I haven't seen in along time - and I'm thinking - I just know she took him back. It's so silly.
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