please help

Old 08-04-2010, 06:13 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: ft. lauderdale florida
Posts: 275
Oh man, You are not thinking clearly; listen to these posts.
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Old 08-04-2010, 08:10 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
nodaybut2day's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Hi user1234. to SR.

This is a wonderful place to find support and some good laughs too.

I hope you keep coming back and tell us how you're doing.

Please know that we've all been where you are right now. You're not alone in feeling the way you do.

I hope there's also something inside you that screams "W.T.F.?" about being blamed for outing your husband's "secret". He has an addiction. Addictions thrive in secret. If HE has shame about his drinking, then it is HIS problem, not yours.

Nowhere in your marriage vows did you say "I solemnly swear to hide my husband's alcoholism and abusive behaviours from our friends, family and neighbors, until I go completely mad". Sorry, but that just wasn't in there.

Please keep posting and reading. SR is always open.
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Old 08-04-2010, 10:56 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
theuncertainty's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
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Welcome to SR, User1234. A lot of good information has been offered already. I hope there is some that you are ready to use.

I do not know all of your story, but I know that when I first came to SR, I was convinced that all the problems in my marriage were because of my STBXAH's drinking or my fault for having a problem with it. I could not acknowledge or was even aware that how he treated me was not normal; I did not understand that his behavior was abusive or that it certainly wasn't caused by his drinking.

So, in being able to acknowledge that he is mean and verbally abuse, you have an amazing insight (scary but powerful) into the nature of your relationship.

As Live points out: alcoholism and abuse are two separate issues. While alcohol can loosen inhibitions, it does not make a person abusive.

Please, please, know that you did absolutely nothing wrong by talking to a friend when you were scared and needed help. What you did was not a betrayal. I hope you will keep reading and posting here. Please read through the stickies and the information about abuse.

Keep yourself safe and take gentle care of yourself.
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Old 08-04-2010, 12:51 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
ChrrisT's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Alexandria Township, NJ
Posts: 275
Welcome USER

This sounds like you are going need some serious "tough love"

If you want the truth about your AAH (abusive alcoholic husband) and your relationship - then read and post all can here, go to meetings, make yourself stronger to fight.

But you if just want to how to get the man 'that scares" you back - that's a different forum.

However - he'll be back - they always come back.

Find strength
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