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Is this quacking?

Old 08-02-2010, 08:28 PM
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Is this quacking?

My husband has been cutting down over the past week (ie he will leave one glass worth in the wine bottle instead of drinking the whole bottle).

The next night after drinking most of the bottle the night before, he will assure me "Tonight I'm only having this ONE glass", as if we had some sort of agreement that he had to cut down.

Last night he said "I bought a bottle of wine but I'm only having two drinks, okay?" (which ended up being untrue anyway.)

My reaction to these proclamations is to shrug indifferently.
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Old 08-02-2010, 08:39 PM
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Old 08-02-2010, 08:43 PM
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Lol!
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Old 08-02-2010, 08:47 PM
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Anytime they are discussing their "current alcohol management I am not an alcoholic" when you know differently, is quacking.

Good to shrug rather than engage in THAT conversation.

Try not to snicker.

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Old 08-02-2010, 08:57 PM
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The fact that he is discussing/negotiating cutting down their alcohol intake suggest that he is trying to control it, so he knows he has a problem. A 'casual' drinker wouldnt do that, they wouldnt need to 'control' it, they would just stop - no big deal.

I agree, its good to shrug, better than getting involved in that 'game':

You: You said yesterday you would only have one.
AH: Well I felt like another, I had a bad day, tomorrow I will only have one.
You: You said yesterday you would only have one.
AH: Well I felt like another, I had a bad day, tomorrow I will only have one.
Cont.......
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Old 08-02-2010, 09:14 PM
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Your shrug was the perfect response to the quacking. Any other response in my experience can lead to a discussion which can become an argument which becomes an excuse to drink more and blame you .... quacking greeted with silence = future angry quack reduction.
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Old 08-02-2010, 09:15 PM
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Wow, that brings me back......ahhh memories.

My EX would go through periods of moderation. Some periods were pretty long in fact. I must have heard every proclamation in the book.

Once upon a time, I believed him and was disappointed at every relapse into binge drinking. I think the grander the proclimations the deeper the disappointment and the deeper my disappointment the angrier he was at me when he finally gave in and went on a bender.

I remember when he made his announcements (and believe me he would walk in like Moses with tablets in hand some times to proclame his decision)were always about how great he was and how he could take control of his life and the relapses were always about how unsupportive I was of him and how unforgiving I was. I considered permanently installing a soapbox in the living room because he spent so much time on one.

You asked if what your A says is quacking.....and it most certainly is. When you see it as just his addiction playing games, you can detach from his behavior. No more disappointment over the backslides and no more fall guy when he doesn't stay long on his "one glass" path. Bravo to you!!

If moderation were that easy, he would be doing it everyday without declaring it. Addiction has him and thus "just one" can't be a reality.

Stay strong. You see his BS a mile away!!

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Old 08-02-2010, 10:43 PM
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Thank you for your confirmations... it is kinda hilarious really, if it wasn't so sad.

Alice I love your soapbox idea, think I might install one myself!

Yes... whenever tragedy befalls anyone on the news my husband straight away looks to me and says, "See, this is why we need to be careful about this blah blah blah". Constant morals to the story that apply to us. A lady I knew died recently, at a young age with three young children. The first thing he said was "That's why we need to be grateful for how lucky we are," and I said "I don't really care about being grateful right now, I'm sad about my poor friend that just died." He shut up after that.
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Old 08-03-2010, 04:35 AM
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The A is finally doing what responsible adults do everyday.

Did the A want a cookie or gold star for that?

Your shrug is the perfect response.

Good on You!

Oh Alice! Coffee spewed on the screen this a.m.

:rotfxko

Originally Posted by ItsmeAlice View Post

I remember when he made his announcements (and believe me he would walk in like Moses with tablets in hand some times to proclame his decision)
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Old 08-03-2010, 05:03 AM
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Alcoholic talking about their use=quacking.

You shrugging=priceless
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Old 08-03-2010, 07:57 AM
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I wish I could teach you the "what evah" sign my BIL recently created when he and my sister cannot come to an agreement on something. It is his way to diffuse things and my sister does it now. It is their agree to disagree sign.

But it works equally well with quackers. I find myself doing it to the computer screen when I read stbxah's quackmail.
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