It just creeps up on you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
It just creeps up on you.
It's been a year today since I separated from my XABF. It feels like I just dosed off and *poof* a year has gone by. It crept up on me like a little green vine.
A year ago today I woke up in the my now Ex-friend's unfinished basement with all the belongings I could fit in a U-haul, my two dogs, three cats, and my two horses grazing at a neighbor's barn. I was fearful, relieved, confused, determined, despondent, defiant...a veritable storm of emotions.
I sought guidance here and was encourage to focus on what was familiar and comforting. So, I fed my pets and tended to their needs. I spent time grooming my horses and talking softly to them. I napped often with my dogs. I sat stroking my cats as they chirpped at butterflies outside the window. I had to remind myself a few times to eat. I worked my at-home job most every other minute and even took on extra work to save up funds. There were nights I just couldn't bring myself to shut off my computer as I clung to it for contact with others in my initial lonliness. I read and posted here on SR and it kept me moving forward in my recovery even when it felt like I had fallen flat on my face. I cried myself to sleep a few times, but always got up the next day and put on foot in front of the other.
Slowly but surely I began feeling whole again. I started thinking ahead by days, then by weeks, then months, and (I suppose it's fitting today) I finally began thinking about where I'd like to be another year from now.
I still find lessons every day in how to have healthy relationships.
I still take my personal inventory, set boundaries, and detach often.
I still sometimes cling to my computer past my bedtime working my job and reading on SR but not because I feel lonely but because I enjoy my work and my friends here.
But one thing has definitely changed...
It has been a very long time since I cried myself to sleep. In fact, I actually snuggle with my dogs in bed and giggle at their snuffles and snorts, though sometimes it is to the point of tears. It is a remarkable thing to fall asleep with a smile on your face and wake up the same way.
Thank you all for encouraging me to change my life.
Thank you all for supporting my decision to wait and see when I was uncertain if I should leave XABF.
Thank you for being there for me when life took a turn and I had to sink or swim on my own.
Thank you for pulling me onto that little SR boat and telling me everything was going to be okay.
Much love today,
Alice...One year older and many moons wiser.
A year ago today I woke up in the my now Ex-friend's unfinished basement with all the belongings I could fit in a U-haul, my two dogs, three cats, and my two horses grazing at a neighbor's barn. I was fearful, relieved, confused, determined, despondent, defiant...a veritable storm of emotions.
I sought guidance here and was encourage to focus on what was familiar and comforting. So, I fed my pets and tended to their needs. I spent time grooming my horses and talking softly to them. I napped often with my dogs. I sat stroking my cats as they chirpped at butterflies outside the window. I had to remind myself a few times to eat. I worked my at-home job most every other minute and even took on extra work to save up funds. There were nights I just couldn't bring myself to shut off my computer as I clung to it for contact with others in my initial lonliness. I read and posted here on SR and it kept me moving forward in my recovery even when it felt like I had fallen flat on my face. I cried myself to sleep a few times, but always got up the next day and put on foot in front of the other.
Slowly but surely I began feeling whole again. I started thinking ahead by days, then by weeks, then months, and (I suppose it's fitting today) I finally began thinking about where I'd like to be another year from now.
I still find lessons every day in how to have healthy relationships.
I still take my personal inventory, set boundaries, and detach often.
I still sometimes cling to my computer past my bedtime working my job and reading on SR but not because I feel lonely but because I enjoy my work and my friends here.
But one thing has definitely changed...
It has been a very long time since I cried myself to sleep. In fact, I actually snuggle with my dogs in bed and giggle at their snuffles and snorts, though sometimes it is to the point of tears. It is a remarkable thing to fall asleep with a smile on your face and wake up the same way.
Thank you all for encouraging me to change my life.
Thank you all for supporting my decision to wait and see when I was uncertain if I should leave XABF.
Thank you for being there for me when life took a turn and I had to sink or swim on my own.
Thank you for pulling me onto that little SR boat and telling me everything was going to be okay.
Much love today,
Alice...One year older and many moons wiser.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Thank you for sharing, Alice.
I'm glad you are a part of the SR family.
You are an amazing lady. I often find strength, wisdom and patience when reading your posts. May your journey continue to bring you serenity.
Peace and (((hugs))) to you and your furbabies.
I'm glad you are a part of the SR family.
You are an amazing lady. I often find strength, wisdom and patience when reading your posts. May your journey continue to bring you serenity.
Peace and (((hugs))) to you and your furbabies.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Thank you ever so much for your post...such an inspiration and encouragement when we are strugglling...we need very much to hear this kind of thing
And how very delightful for you...going to sleep smiling..priceless!
And how very delightful for you...going to sleep smiling..priceless!
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
Wow Alice, I feel like I was there for all that. I can't believe it's been a year already!I feel like if I can just get away from my AH (legally), that I can move on like you have. Thanks so much for the inspiration!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Alice, your baby steps to freedom, have led to big strides in your personal growth. Have a happy 1st year of success birthday.
If you hear lots of little footsteps, don't worry....they are the baby steps of others from SR, following your trail out of their own life in Alcohol.
God bless
If you hear lots of little footsteps, don't worry....they are the baby steps of others from SR, following your trail out of their own life in Alcohol.
God bless
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