One son is going to be OK
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: back from the brink
Posts: 457
One son is going to be OK
I've worried immensely about my son's and what direction they will go in life (right or wrong direction) as I've learned so much about the tendency for addictions to be passed on. My older son has followed in the path of his father (alcoholic), and I've grieved about that for some time.
My younger son (now 18) I have worried about too. He has a very outgoing personality, very well liked amongst his peers, makes friends easily. He carries some baggage from growing up in such a disfunctional family - both his older brother and father were acting out to a great extent during that time.
He's experimented with weed, and some drinking - as has his friends. I've tried real hard to emphasis the dangers, he seen the results himself, but I know all youth experiment. That is normal. Never the less, it weighed heavy on me - but I've come to the point in my life where I feel I have done the best I could in teaching him, and either he'll get it or he won't.
The other night, he had plans to spend the night with friends. I was told they were going to "camp out". OK with me, he's 18. I do however want to know where he is, and when he'll be home, but this was to be an overnight, so I wasn't expecting him home.
About 4am, he came home. Woke me from a sound sleep - had to talk he said. He was quite agitated, riled up and I knew instantly he'd experienced something that was dangerous.
He proceeded to tell me that they'd attended a party that night at another person's house. Another guy that my son knew—but was not in the circle of his close friends—was there at the party. As the night wore on, this guy pulled out a bag of coke, and all the guys milled around wanting to try it. My son said he sat there and observed what was "going down" - and couldn't believe his eyes. He never figured his friends would be willing to try this out...and was horrified at what he was seeing. He said it felt just like he was apart from the group, drawn back - and that it was just like seeing a movie on drug use when the guy began to draw the powder out on the table with a card. My son said "that little voice you spoke about Mom, went off in my mind, and I knew it was my good judgement speaking up in my mind. I knew it was wrong, and I knew I was not about to partake in the usage."
He continued on to tell me that after seeing a few of his close friends try this that it also caused him to feel an immense sense of anger. He spoke up and voiced his feelings by telling his friends that it was wrong. He went against the group, stood his ground and made that tough choice to not join in, not give in to peer pressure. Seeing that he had shocked his friends, and feeling dissapointment, he said he decided to leave, that it was not the place for him to be any longer. So he came home.
That little voice that spoke to him was his conscience. Instilled by our talks as he has grown up, I now know for sure he knows the difference between right and wrong, and I know he is capable of making good decisions for his future. It made me feel relieved. Very relieved.
I told him I was very proud of him, that I trusted him and that I knew he'd have a good future because he is capable of making good decisions. I could see he was proud of himself and his decision.
Thank God he has common sense.
My younger son (now 18) I have worried about too. He has a very outgoing personality, very well liked amongst his peers, makes friends easily. He carries some baggage from growing up in such a disfunctional family - both his older brother and father were acting out to a great extent during that time.
He's experimented with weed, and some drinking - as has his friends. I've tried real hard to emphasis the dangers, he seen the results himself, but I know all youth experiment. That is normal. Never the less, it weighed heavy on me - but I've come to the point in my life where I feel I have done the best I could in teaching him, and either he'll get it or he won't.
The other night, he had plans to spend the night with friends. I was told they were going to "camp out". OK with me, he's 18. I do however want to know where he is, and when he'll be home, but this was to be an overnight, so I wasn't expecting him home.
About 4am, he came home. Woke me from a sound sleep - had to talk he said. He was quite agitated, riled up and I knew instantly he'd experienced something that was dangerous.
He proceeded to tell me that they'd attended a party that night at another person's house. Another guy that my son knew—but was not in the circle of his close friends—was there at the party. As the night wore on, this guy pulled out a bag of coke, and all the guys milled around wanting to try it. My son said he sat there and observed what was "going down" - and couldn't believe his eyes. He never figured his friends would be willing to try this out...and was horrified at what he was seeing. He said it felt just like he was apart from the group, drawn back - and that it was just like seeing a movie on drug use when the guy began to draw the powder out on the table with a card. My son said "that little voice you spoke about Mom, went off in my mind, and I knew it was my good judgement speaking up in my mind. I knew it was wrong, and I knew I was not about to partake in the usage."
He continued on to tell me that after seeing a few of his close friends try this that it also caused him to feel an immense sense of anger. He spoke up and voiced his feelings by telling his friends that it was wrong. He went against the group, stood his ground and made that tough choice to not join in, not give in to peer pressure. Seeing that he had shocked his friends, and feeling dissapointment, he said he decided to leave, that it was not the place for him to be any longer. So he came home.
That little voice that spoke to him was his conscience. Instilled by our talks as he has grown up, I now know for sure he knows the difference between right and wrong, and I know he is capable of making good decisions for his future. It made me feel relieved. Very relieved.
I told him I was very proud of him, that I trusted him and that I knew he'd have a good future because he is capable of making good decisions. I could see he was proud of himself and his decision.
Thank God he has common sense.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Wow. I'm so impressed with him, with his maturity. That had to be difficult--not so much the "not partaking" part, as the vocally standing up against what was going on. He may have made his friends think, too. Maybe next time they will have a bit more courage to say "no."
I also think it's very cool that he came straight to you to talk about it. That's a great reflection on you as a parent and on your relationship with him.
My own kids have made some dumb decisions (as most kids do), but I'm hopeful that if they ever DO find themselves running into problems with alcohol or drugs, they will have the good example of their dad (my ex, 30 years sober in AA) and me (almost 2 years sober). Just to know there is help out there, and that it works.
I also think it's very cool that he came straight to you to talk about it. That's a great reflection on you as a parent and on your relationship with him.
My own kids have made some dumb decisions (as most kids do), but I'm hopeful that if they ever DO find themselves running into problems with alcohol or drugs, they will have the good example of their dad (my ex, 30 years sober in AA) and me (almost 2 years sober). Just to know there is help out there, and that it works.
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