All My Old Friends Who Are on Facebook Still Drink
 

Does anyone else notice this? Or is it just me? I am thinking about either unfriending all these people and just using it to talk to close friends and family or just stop using it altogether. I am not sure what it is adding to my life. I used to get a good chuckle or two each day but lately not. Everybody posts their drunken party photos from the weekends, makes crude jokes, discusses their drinking every day like they are all still in their twenties. Starting to make me think. Is anyone else bothered by this too?

How old are these people??

In their forties!

Wow. Maybe I burned all that crap out young, but I have no desire to party all weekend, and I haven't in years and years.

I'd avoid people like that personally.

In my opinion, alkies lost old friends and get new ones. Alkies lost their past and friendship always. If you can keep old friends after quit drink, you might be a great person. The other thoughts comes up to me as well. When I drank, I thought drink friends were very honest. After quit drink, I realize drink friends are not honest and sobriety friends are honest. At this moment if you think so, you may quit friendship with alkies. :)

Well, I had to quit August 18, 1996.
If they are in their forties and talkin about drinking binges, yes, I would say it is time to let them go.
I tried Facebook for a minute, then old in-laws tried to start getting in my business.
No, thank you, been there, done that, got the t-shirt.
Trying to leave the dysfunction and substance abuse behind me now.

Beth

I use FB because family does, keeps me in touch with niece in UK. After dtr had her school reunion, I got contacted by her school pals who had spent so much time at our place during those years. Have lots of them as friends and up to date with their kids....OLD.

Haven't had any bother, but then I am lucky as my RABF doesn't do FB sober and would be useless if he drank anyway.

As for these "Peter Pans" and their boozy times, yeah I would give them the push, as who needs more of that in life?

God bless

I know some people who have more than one account. They have one account that has "everybody" as friends and another account for Real friends. If you didn't want to unfriend people, you could start another account and not have them as friends.

Also, you can Hide them in your news feed, without unfriending them, so you don't have to see their posts.

Or, you could just unfriend them. No shame in that - someone somewhere suggested a National Unfriend-Without-Guilt Day. :)

Lately I know several people who are talking about stopping FB altogether, for the very reason you give, "I am not sure what it is adding to my life." Drinking or not, if it's not adding to your life then you've probably answered your own question.

I'm also re-evaluating my participation on FB. I hardly have time for it anyway since I'm spending my time here--time well spent, might I add!

:)
posie

I've friended a couple of my old friends from high school and can see quite a few posts of other old acquaintances through their pages. Hard to judge by Facebook only, but they seem to be stuck in the same high school party mode. Bleah. I can now completely see what PO'd and disappointed my parents so long ago in my choices of who I hung out with back then. Meh.

I'd thought about stopping FB altogether, too, but we have family and family-friends scattered throughout the States and it's cool to see what the cousins on the East Coast are up to and see photos of their families and trade jokes/zings/practical jokes with them online. So will be very selective about 1. who I friend and 2. just how much time I invest in it.

Oh a happy FB note: I blocked my STBXAH today. Woohoo!
:bbj:

Good for you!!!

I like the idea of just creating a new account with the people I want to talk to and leaving the old account for networking when I need it, MTWildflower, thank you!! If I go a couple months without going on the old account, I'll just delete that old account without having to unfriend anyone. Whew!!! I've got a plan! Thank you everybody for your feedback.

Way back when, yes, but I don't have too many of those people from my past listed as friends.

Probably no more than a handful, in fact.

Between real life friends in the program, and virtual friends from here, about a 1/4 of my 'friends' on FB are in recovery.

Having someone as a friend that has as their profile message....

"If you wake up in the morning with an empty bottle of Jamesons' and a half eaten Lean Cuisine you'll be just like me"

.......wouldn't be something I'd find very appealing.

Did you know Facebook is one of the most hated webpages ?

Yes, create another account only with people that you truly care about. :)

I am pretty well aware of what so many of these people are doing, from reading their posts and looking at their pictures, regardless of whether or not they come out and directly state on FB what they are doing. I witness lots of FB interactions between people who USED TO be in my life (plenty of them still live geographically close to one another) setting up happy hours, trading inside jokes from the bar, posting pics the morning after, etc. Others blatantly describe in words what they drank, how much and with who, what so-and-so did exactly, etc. Mostly I have just been a bystander and said nothing, look at the pics and comments and move on to the next post. I have never worried that it would cause me to relapse because I have absolutely NO DESIRE to drink alcohol, hang out, go to a bar, etc. So I thought, "Well, I'm not worried about relapsing so it's not hurting me to stay FB friends with these people. I'm just networking."

I think what has finally gotten to me was the recent posting of photos of a husband and wife I used to know, at a party, with a bunch of obviously drunk women, doing a bunch of drunk stuff. I am sure you all know what kind of "drunk stuff" I am talking about because these are the behaviors that we talk about every single day. I guess I was just disgusted. I read other people acting out their drunkenness and codependence on FB, getting into arguments and being downright nasty. I guess you call that "being dysfunctional"?

So much of what I witness on FB is the OPPOSITE of what I believe in, the opposite of my values. So why do I continue to voluntarily witness it? Is it because I am afraid to hurt someone else's feelings by unfriending them? Is it because I am afraid I will miss out on something? Miss out on some entertainment? On some opportunity? How is ANY of this either an opportunity or entertaining? It is SAD, actually. To see these people who I left behind, STILL doing the same old stuff but now just OLD and still doing it.

Why have I let down these boundaries that I set up almost 15 years ago? Why have I invited it all back in? Do I need to even KNOW WHY? Or do I need to just take action?

i don't have a facebook account. never have. all i know of it is what you folks have shared here on sr.

sometimes, i'm tempted but really, if i want to contact someone, i can always write them an email or call them.

there are many people i have chosen to not remain in contact with for reasons at that time. i don't second guess myself on that. i have a rule, if i left them deliberately, i am not going to second-guess that decision years later.

I use facebook for work and my writing, but different folks use it for different reasons; playing those online games, keeping up with family, posting naked drunken pictures or alerting devoted followers to political news.

I"m not sure why people would post pictures of themselves in compromising situations, I'm also shocked at times by what folks SAY on facebook, it's a public forum and that **** never goes away.

Do what you think is right, what brings you the most peace. Those folks shouldn't upset you, they're just doing their lives and if it upsets you, off with their heads!

Transform you are funny ("posting naked drunken pictures")-Thanks for the giggle and the smile. And the feedback.

One thing I LIKE about FB is the safe, "long-distance" PRACTICE FB gives me in relating with others:
(1) Recognizing when someone makes me uncomfortable,
(2) Refraining from trying to figure out WHY that person makes me uncomfortable,
(3) Refraining from trying to figure out what I might have done to CAUSE the person to say or do something "to" me,
(4) Refraining from trying to fix it or make that person fix it, and
(5) Just un-friending (ending the relationship with) that person WITHOUT explaining why.

It is like the OPPOSITE of co-dependency.

So far, it is rather easy to do these things with SOME people, not so easy to do these things with others. I wonder why...

You're welcome and this one's my favorite