kia

i felt i had to write this as i feel like im travellling down the same road but am in a different car a better one.We had a silly fight over him trying to control a situation again and just cant see it i washed the pots and was drying them up and he said i dont dry em as it makes them all fluffy and just saw red and flung the towel and not the plate although could easily have been that at him and said well u fff do it then cos u could just say thanks for doing em and for once not critise me. He werent pleased but tis first time when hes been like this ive stood up to him and now hes saying hes staying up late tonite to watch tv and that i will moan about the volume of the tv when i go no i wont will just remind him that whatever volume its on now will be what its on in the morning so he can choose.

And do they or is it him doesnt like it when i do something thats not related to him in other words im watching something else and he wants me doing or watching what he is doing is this part of the disease or is this just him and i do know ill get lots of critism for this post and alot of i told u so and yes your right u did not looking for the rights and wrongs just needed to speak it before i burst so thanks for u all listening xxxkia

posiesperson

kia,

I have yet to meet an alcoholic who doesn't want things they WAY they want them, WHEN they want them, HOW they want them.

It cannot EVER be about anyone other than them unless and until they seek help for their problem. THEIR problem.

I'm sorry for your pain, but pain is our friend because it helps us to make different choices when we need to. Peace to you in your process.

Hugs,
posie

bookwyrm

This is what XAH was like. It was all part of his control. I don't think it was his alcoholism that made XAH like this. He became more and more controlling as time went on - and I let him! Good for you for standing up for yourself and good for you for setting your boundaries.

I don't mean to be critical of your choices when I reply to your posts. I just worry about you sweetie. :ghug3

kia

awwwww i know i just sensitive at the moment and have felt sometimes they have been critical but sometimes i resent it cos i know its true.

I had thought maybe the controlling bit was all in my mind as hes accused me of it in the past and i began to think maybe he didnt do that but know i see that he did and is trying to do again but i am standing up to him more nor nearly as scarey as i thought.

Im gonna need to do some more me looking after though been ill whole week ive been with him and have felt myself snapping more than usual so its now me time well will be when i got some money kinda skint atm but going back to own home tomorrow so will concentrate on me for a while cos do feel quite poorly today xxkia

coffeedrinker

hugs to you kia. go home, work on yourself. methinks you will possibly have some different viewpoints of this man and what you want in your life after awhile.

Ann

Kia, sometimes it helps me to look deeper to see why I behave the way I do and why I "react" sometimes instead of "acting with thought".

I'll bet this isn't about fluff on the dishes, right? And it isn't about who dries them better?

When I feel snappy at someone, or find them snappy at me, it's often a time to put some healthy space between us until we figure out what's really going on.

Hugs