FarawayFromCars

My mom wrote me a civil email; it seems that she and my dad have decided to seek out a therapist to learn ways to deal with my sister's alcoholism. I wrote her a civil email in return in which I expressed that I was glad to hear that they were seeking out help, and I hope they would find it as helpful as I have. Then I changed the subject. My mom couldn't help but include a tidbit about AS and AS' perception that I am to blame for all her problems and her drinking. I requested (again) that my mom do not fill me in on AS' problems and if I am interested, I will contact AS. Left it at that. I am cautious but optimistic.
I think I am getting to the point where I value myself enough to stay outside of this situation until it gets healthier and to a point where I deem I want to be involved. That is a far cry to how I felt two years ago when I first started out on this journey (and in therapy; I will have been seeing my therapist for 2 years in August).

SlvrMag

"...AS' perception that I am to blame for all her problems and her drinking"



I still can't believe anyone could think that is your fault.

Glad to hear your mom was civil. =)

FarawayFromCars

Well, that's what alcoholics will do--they blame everyone but themselves, right? So AS thinks (in her warped sense of thinking) that everyone else is to blame, but for some reason she has it out for me in particular. I think it is because she views my life as "successful" and hers not so much (what she fails to recognize is how much hard work I've put into getting to this point, but...). I am letting it roll off my back; it is what this disease does.

theuncertainty

What good news, FarawayFromCars. I'm glad to hear it. It is a start and it's one step at at time. All any of us can do right? Sorry that your mom couldn't restrain from trying to relay your AS's skewed perceptions. Hang in there.

FarawayFromCars

Thanks everyone...yes, it is a start. As I said, I am cautious--i.e. not ready to jump back into a close relationship with my parents yet--but it is a good sign. I hope they will learn something there, but it's up to them. I am continuing to maintain my own life...it is funny, but when I heard that my sister blames me for her problems, I didn't find myself bristling with anger like I would have in the past. Instead, I just had a calm feeling of "Oh, well that's what an alcoholic will say / do", and was able to let it go. I think I am learning....

Learn2Live

scape·goat (skpgt)
n.
1. One that is made to bear the blame of others.

The longer you are able to stay outside of earshot of what is going on with the alcoholic, the clearer your mind will be, the deeper you will be able to breathe, and the better you will feel overall. Keep up the good work!

hello-kitty