how to help my husband(long story)

Old 07-27-2010, 07:50 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 2
how to help my husband(long story)

My husband of 10yrs. had his last drink 10 days ago. I don't really know the difference in problem drinking and being an alchoholic. husband has always drank. When we dated and first were married we'd go out dancing/drinking with friends. Then all that stopped when we started our family. It's hard to remember how much/how often he has drank over the years. All I know is that I've really had issues with it the past 3-4yrs. It seems that is has really escalated. He probably drank 5 evenings a week. Sometimes more sometimes less. And when he drank it was never 1 or 2 beers. IF he had a six pack he'd ususally drink 4-6. The same with a 12pack but sometimes it would be more. This just really pissed me off. We have 3 children and he would either come home with it or if things were a little crazy at home he'd say "I'm going to the store". He never got drunk...was never abusive. I guess it just took the edge off or something. But it didn't make him any less short tempered with me or the kids. We have talked about the drinking many times but as the years and gone by I don't mention it as much. He thinks that because he's not falling down drunk then there isn't a problem. I told him that he doesn't have to be falling down drunk to be an A-hole. Anyway...last week we had some family over and he had been drinking all day. He had an accident with a family member who got hurt. Everyone is ok but this really did a number on my husband. I told him that he needed to stop drinking. He confided in his brother that he couldn't stop at 1 or 2 beers. My husband has always been the crazy fun guy who's not afraid to do anything but I told him that he's not 18yrs. old anymore and everyone will still love him even if he changes. 4 days after the accident a friend came over and brought him a 6pk. My heart sank....I thought he was going to drink but he saw how upset I was so he didn't. I know he is still so embarrassed and distraut about the accident. Something much worse could've happened and thank God it didn't. I've been praying for a long time for him to quit drinking and hopefully this is his wake up call. But I don't know what to do. Last night was the first time since he quit that I could tell he was struggling. The kids were being a pain and he was really stressed. Normally he'd drink so I don't think he knew what to do with himself...and I didn't know what to do or say. He told me this morning the he dreamed about beer all night. This man will never agree to go to meetings or anything. He quit once before for @ 5 months. When he started up again he said he only quit to see if he could. I don't remember him feeling this way that time....maybe he knows this time is it. If he starts drinking again....I don't know what i will do. This incident that happened also opened my eyes alot. Any replys are appreciated. Thanks
boogiequeen3 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to boogiequeen3 For This Useful Post:
Jadmack25 (07-27-2010)
Old 07-27-2010, 08:18 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Blog Entries: 5
I would go to Al-Anon, regardless of what he does or does not do.
How to find a meeting in the US/Canada/Puerto Rico
Learn2Live is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Learn2Live For This Useful Post:
Jadmack25 (07-27-2010)
Old 07-27-2010, 08:27 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
RIP Sweet Suki
suki44883's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 32,117
I agree with L2L. Alanon will help you learn to take care of yourself and your children regardless of what he does. You can't control him, but you can control how you react. Living in dread of what he may or may not do is no way to live. If it is affecting you, it is definitely affecting your children.
suki44883 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to suki44883 For This Useful Post:
Jadmack25 (07-27-2010), Learn2Live (07-27-2010)
Old 07-27-2010, 08:32 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 17
Im sorry

I know how you are feeling. I was there and yes my husband said he would never ever go to a meeting! He quit for a few months at a time and would always somehow end up with the same conclusion "Oh I can handle a few beers" Which of course was never the case..once he had one he couldn't stop. Theirs really not much you can do for him I mean this is a choice he needs to make himself in order to be committed. I have always heard that in order for an addict to change his ways he needs to hit his rock bottom, unfortunately some of those bottoms can be very low. I have recently separated from mine in realization that he is negatively affecting our kids. He is now seeking treatment and I am proud of him but I still feel he has a long way. I wish you the best of luck and make sure your feelings are known! Make sure he knows that his drinking is affecting the marriage and family. I know you don't wanna pull that card but he needs to see that all is not well as most addicts want to think.
kittymammas is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to kittymammas For This Useful Post:
Jadmack25 (07-27-2010), Learn2Live (07-27-2010)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:25 AM.