lulu1974

Hello SR..

Has anyone ever had that moment in their recovery where things actually start to make sense?

This weekend I realized that if I truly really let go, things will work out. They may not work out how I want them to and.......................that will be ok. I dont need to fear the outcome even if its not what I want. Because it will still be ok as long as I take care of me.

I realized on Sunday that I will have weak moments towards my stbxah and I may remember the good times. I may miss him. I may wake up in the morning and have to remember what my life has become (lifetime movie material) but I can also walk myself thru the fear and pain and face it. I have never been able to process this before. When I got scared or teary I was scared to let it go because I didnt know if I would get control again.

Now that I know I may have these weak moments they dont seem so scary anymore. I know I can get myself through them.

I have an appt with my attorney tomorrow to discuss what his lawyer said in his response. I am ok with this.

Although at times I feel alone. I am never alone.

Recovery can be painful..for me sometimes torturous but when I make a baby step forward..I cant stop smiling because I know its my hard work getting me there...

I will never stop no matter how hard it gets I will still keep going in my recovery..

Hugs
Lulu

HealingWillCome

Good stuff, Lulu!

I am often reminded by God, my HP, that as long I do my part, he will do the rest. Like you said, if you really truly let go, things will work out. No easy road promised, no guarantee that you won't have some painful days ahead, but...things will work out.

theuncertainty

Lulu, if I haven't said it before: You are amazing, strong and inspiring. Thank you for sharing. I envy your realization regarding letting go, that things will work out and you don't need to fear the outcome. I am trying so hard to get there; some days I think I'm there, some I'm sure I will get there and others not so much. *sigh* Your post gives me hope. Thank you.

Learn2Live

Good for you LuLu! Getting stronger every day.

dollydo

LuLu,

Ain't life grand? Each day we grow stronger and wiser.

You are an inspiration to me!

Hugs,
Dolly

coyote21

I think you may have stumbled onto the "holy grail". Being O.K. with the outcome, what ever it winds up being, before the fact.

Before, I would ruminate on the outcome that I wanted. Then if it went some other way, I had spent SO much energy on it, I was devastated. Talk about setting myself up to fail.

I've been practicing with this lately myself, and the results have been pretty amazing.

I think you will find "this new way of thinking" far superior to the old tired way.

Man, i know I have!

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

coyote21

I think they call that a spiritual awakening.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

LexieCat

Thanks for a real upper of a post, Lulu. Nice to hear happy stuff. It reminds us it is out there.

Jadmack25

YeahLULU.



God bless

Learn2Live

This reminds me of how when I first started working on letting go like this, it FELT like I DIDN'T CARE. (Which felt WEIRD because I am super-carer). By the same token, for some reason, it always seemed to me that if someone didn't do things the way I wanted them, if someone didn't behave or act just a certain way, if someone didn't honor my feelings the way I thought they should, it meant they just did not care either.

I used to think that if a man did not act the way I thought he should act in a relationship, did not talk to me a certain way, or take responsibility for things the way I thought he should, or live his life in a way that I preferred, that meant he did not care about me or really did not love me. Which was confusing because they always SAID they loved me and SAID they cared about me. I still wonder sometimes if that means I am just paranoid.

A few years ago, I got a Higher Power and have been more easily able to just let go without all that mind-chatter about anyone not caring. (I admit, though, this is easier with some men than with others). I know now, in my conscious brain, that the world does not revolve around me, that OTHER people do not behave one way or another because they either care or don't care about ME. Everybody has their own way of doing things, their own way of interacting with their world. And if they choose to do things not to my liking, whether it's spending too much money or smoking crack or going out with friends every Friday night or drinking booze, or WHATEVER, well, that's got nothing to do with me. I choose my way of life that is best for ME and if our lives are not compatible, well, goodbye.

At some point I realized that just because I CHOOSE to relate closely with a man, in a "romantic" relationship, does not mean that the man is going to automatically behave the way I think he should behave JUST BECAUSE. Just because I have a bunch of expectations about how a person who loves me should behave does not mean that if he does not behave that way, he just does not care, or just does not love me enough. It's a completely separate matter altogether.

Not sure if this makes sense to anyone but coming to the "the world does not revolve around me" awakening was a trip. All of these awakenings have been a trip, actually. Glad you have gotten to this one LuLu.