kittymammas

I have been wondering if maybe my AH is depressed. I mean he is practically paranoid of everyone and thinks that everyone is talking bad about him behind his back...outrageously jealous, he also just has days where life is such a chore. He went to the doctor's today and got a prescription for depression, I don't know if they hand them out like paper or if they really do diagnose and felt that he he needed this med. He is also attending his second AA meeting of his own free will..I have never been so proud. He came and sat with me with tears in his eyes after his first meeting last week and said "I never knew how bad it was till I had to explain my whole story and all I could think was..OMG what have I put my wife and kids through!" I am still leaving but he knows I will always be here for him, I am not giving up on him at all and I just need a safe secure place for the kids and I. So I just wanted to update you all on what was going on and hear your thoughts on if depression could be the cause...like his drinking is a sort of self medication?? I don't know I suppose I am grasping at straws as they call it. Oh and I found an Alanon..I am going to tomorrow, I must admit I am a bit nervous. It isn't easy to just open up to people about what I am going through face to face...But I am going to go anyways..wish me luck
Hope everyone is doing well, or as in my case as well as can be expected.

DMC

I thought my STBXAH was just self-medicating for years. Heck, I figured out the depression part long before the alcoholism part.

Depression and alcoholism are often very intertwined that it is nearly impossible to treat one without working on the other. In his case, his new psychiatrist announced "You are an alcoholic. Get sober, and then we'll talk." That was the FIRST time anyone had said it, and he just came out with it. It felt like getting slapped across the face... but it's what I needed to start to actually see what was going on.

From then on, he toyed with sobriety, and did take his antidepressants, but they never really worked. Alcohol is such a depressant that I don't know if it's really possible to lift depression without getting sober.

I stuck around for another, oh, 4 years after that eye opening statement. (So good for you if you're getting out, and be strong if you don't - doesn't mean you won't someday)

Learn2Live

Good for you!! That is EXCELLENT news!

kittymammas

Sigh I know...I just..Im a fact person and it doesn't make sense to me to want what destroys you!!! I wanna help him and I can't and I'm realizing this but god it sucks... I just want him...and sometimes the thought that Id rather have him drunk than any other guy sober..scares me to death!
How could I even think about going back just from a few kind words and some progress on his part....only when I am completely heart wrenchingly honest with myself (which is never as often as it should be) I know with out a doubt that its a very good chance when I leave it will be over...he is not gonna change
But I push those thoughts away cause I am his loving wife and I want so bad to believe in HIM!:

just kill me pls =)

wow1323

Kitty, Do you have children?

kittymammas

Yes I have a 5 year old and 3 year old, he is the father of both. I already realize how badly they have been affected by his drinking..his last bout was bad, my 5 year old even asked me if daddy really loved her. I know I have to leave..3 weeks till my new apt is move in ready. I am just trying to stay strong and not give in. I know he wants to get better but I cannot just go back to him on his words alone anymore. I need to see that he is doing something about and long term sobriety.

wow1323

I'm sorry first of all. I was almost on the same path, but I decided early on to ask my alcoholic baby fathers to get out. I was terrified for my baby. You must think of your children before him. It is better to come from a broken home than live in 1. Be strong for the next 3 weeks and you should probably take your babies and run. I realize this is your life and only you know what is best. I am speaking for your children; they must come first. I KNOW it is hard go deep within listen to your gut.

Jadmack25

His addiction has lost him his wife and children, plus his health....His going to AA may, just may be his salvation, if it isn't a ploy to give you hope and keep you in contact with him.

If his AA attendance also includes real recovery, who knows what the future holds as far as you all getting back together, but you will need a firm basis for that decision and it will take a while for that.

Meantime, you have to care and protect yourself and your children, and he is totally responsible for doing or NOT doing what is necessary for his recovery.

Wish you both, all the best.

God bless

kittymammas

Yes I know my kids absolutely come first, and I feel bad that I have let them go through what they have. I know I should have put my foot down and left at his first drunken blow up but I am (what is at times a curse) a person who always see's the light in people. I am always a very optimistic and hopeful person and I thought that my love and support and guidance and him having the best reasons in the world to quit, (his kids and I) I could help him..I of course realize after many years that this is not the case. Yes only 3 more weeks till my new place is move in ready and as I am hurting to see him hurt and I wanna just hold him and tell him everything is ok, I am so ready to move in and get away from him. I love him but he brings me down alot specially when I cannot a do a single THING to help him!!
I know I am doing the right thing...My grandmother always told me "the hardest choices in life are usually the right ones"
I know what she is speaking of now.
I have my first Alanon meeting tonight..so nervous but I'm ready.

wow1323

Kitty, I haver been thinking about you: Stay strong. Lots of love AND STRENGTH SENDING your way. Wow