A's are nuts!!!
 

I am still SO ANGRY about something that happened last night!!!!My neighbor drinks and does drugs.

Anyway, I had posted a thread abt a month ago about him, his daughter, daughters mom and my kids and cheerleading, how I got sucked into their drama...

It happened again!!!!

Last night, as I was preparing to take my kids and his daughter to cheerleading, he got very offended that I was doing it,and got very dismissive with me ("oh, so it's your rules now, you run he show, etc etc) and that annoyed me greatly. ) My daugher had a problem that I wanted to discuss with the coach. I said that he could take his daughter and I would take mine, but he airily waved that off and said he was going to sleep.

(note that I am not very good with confrontations- fight or flight?? I'm flight)

It was parent's night to watch so I went back early. Took his daughter to his place and he took him home.

Now, we were supposed to pay 7.00 for an EXTRA oair of socks.The daughter(10) got very upset that her dad didn't come and pay for the socks. I calmed her down, saying that she had 1 pair right now. right?? (they have a competition this Sunday) She said that her mom said her dad had to pick her up to pay for the socks.

OK, We come home and he takes his daughter home. 1/2 hr later, he calls me, yelling that I am to ask no questions, but I have to call the mom to tell her why I PICKED THE KIDS UP!!!! (I knew it was about the stupid socks0 the girl got home, mom freaked and called dad and yelled at him for not getting the socks(EXTRA socks, mind you) and he blamed it on me!!! Anyway , I asked "WHY" and he yelled "no questions!!!! Are you going to call" I said NO.

I am angry about that way he treated me-- like I was his b#tch who was misbehaving!!!

Anyway, I am going to tell him that his daughter is no longer coming with me when I drop my girls off-- it's ridiculous, as he livs right next to me, but I do not want to get involved in any of their plans today.

I am tempted to tell him that she is no longer welccme to play with my kids in my house any more (the mother has long said bad things about me to him)

Is that going too far?? she's a nice kid, but has her evil moments. Very spoiled.

(((sdp))) First, take a long, slow, deep breath - say the Serenity Prayer and think it through. I'm learning that if I get angry and REACT, I give up my power - I give up who I can be. To be caring, compassionate, and loving, it takes COURAGE and STRENGTH to not react. It takes courage to carefully think things through. Go toward this little girl, she is a precious child who needs love and caring. It sounds like you are very loving and caring. How terrible it is for her (and everyone around him) to be the victim of an A's behavior. But, you can go toward, not run from this challenge. This is an opportunity to use your skills. Reach out and love this child. She can learn from your choices, from your behavior. It will also help your own children to see you "rise above" a very sick man's behavior. ((((More HUGS)))

Thanks.. I forgot to mention that this took place right before bedtime. I was so PO'd it took me a loong time to get to sleep. I am so tired today.

Anyway, I am definitely putting permanent boundaries on taking her to cheerleading. What was my crime last night?? Oh, I drove them there and forced him to go back to sleep, precenting him from going up there himself!! Me bad!!!!
I do need to calm down. It's just that I considered him a friend.. I feel betrayed by his actions last nite. It was so childish!! Now I want nothing to do with him.

Hmmm, my response is a little different from Still Learning. I say run (for the hills ;))!!!! These people are sick and have thoroughly sucked you into their drama. They are bad-mouthing and using you. You can't save their child and you have no reason to put up with their chaos. I think for your own peace of mind, you need to step back. Your instincts are dead on - if you gut is telling you to sever ties, then that's what you should do. I know it's hard b/c the kids are involved, but your kids don't need to be exposed to all this drama any more than you do.

Let us know how it turns out.

Hugs,
JG

Did I mention this was an EXTRA pair of socks?
The mother is also psycho. I do feel sorry for the kid, as she is frequently put in the middle of their sick relationship.

Here is an example of her nutsoness-- a few Halloweens ago, the kid was over my house, trick or treating with my kids. The next day, at school it was learned that she had lice. The mother blamed my kids!!! Even tho they did not have lice and did not give them to her kid. Her reasoning-- her daughter plays with some kids who go to my kids' school. everyone KNOWS that their school is just FULL of lice. Ergo- it's my kids' fault. Does that make sense?? I shoulda complained to HER that she let her lice ridden kid play with my lice free kids!!!!

Ya know what? A valuable lesson I have learned is when someone repeatedly causes me to get my knickers in a knot....I don't need that person in my life. If I have looked at me and mt side of the street is clean....asta la vista baby!

Keep it simple!!

Hugs,
JT

Thinking it through. There is no LOVE in enabling the "sickos" to take you with them. I agree. It's best to say "Bye-Bye". Someone else will be there to jump in where you left off. Do what's best and loving for you and your family. Thanks for sharing. Hope you are feeling better today. :)

i USUALLY GET FRAKED OUT ABOUT THINGS FOR LIKE A DAY..... THEN I RELAX.

I'd smile nicely and let it go. It's not the kid's fault and the whole mess will just be upsetting to your kids.

In the scheme of things his daughter needs some normal. BTW, maybe next time you could just pay for the socks and collect from mom or dad later.

Are you married to this man? No

Are you sleeping with this man? No

Do you have a relationship with this man? No

Do you even like this man? No

Then why do you even give a **** what he thinks. We have rules here you know. You can only let people control you if youre in a relationship or related.

As for the daughter I wouldnt abandon her. Its not her fault her parents are jerks. But I also wouldnt alter my existing routine. If youre already going somewhere and she can fit in then take her.

Dont expect anything from this guy and you wont be disappointed.

sdp;

I learned (in working the program) to accept the fact that there are user people in the world and there are givers....Just as there are black dogs and white dogs.....I believe I am a giver but I also had to keep all expectations out of my giving...Most of the time I don't even expect a thank you....

Today IF I can give or do something for "fun and free" I'am ok...IF I have strings attached to my giving then I need not give it OR do it... except where kids are concerned....You may be the healthest person this little girl will know for years...BUT IF YOU ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE USED AND ABUSED, SUCKED IN TO THEIR STUFF.
then in my opinion it's NOT for "fun and free".

Take care !

T is it thoughtful
H is it honest
I is it intelligent
N is it nessary
K is it kind!

THINK!

God Bless1

Hey sdp? You know what I think? I think you're going to do whatever it is you want to do regardless of any advice or suggestions that have been thoughtfully shared.

After each thoughtful reply, you simply went right back to the perceived "problem", all the while ignoring the people who took time out of their day to share with you.

When you reach a point where it's just too frustrating doing it your way, maybe you'll be able to receive what is freely being given to you.

Wow, Jon, bad hair day? Maybe the dry heat has a bit of humidity?

sdp--I agree with Cecilia and with stillstanding (the first time around).

Before you leave for cheerleading have your daughter run next door and see if this girl needs a ride to/from or one of them. It seems like you are automatically driving this poor girl without making sure she checks at home first. It is the 10 yr old's responsibility to double-check with Dad as to who is driving where. I'm sure she knows that and is just putting you in the middle. Where you seem very content to be.

A few Halloweens ago this kid was 7-8. If my kid came home with lice I would assume they got it from the people they were with the night before. Good thing I don't have a kid, I'd be out killing other parents!

A lot of times people obsess about other asinine things to avoid obsessing about what they are usually obsessing about--the problems at home. Can't you consider the neighbors as comic relief??

Who, me???

In my communications/counseling sessions, I'm learning to be VERY SPECIFIC when talking with others. The statement is: "Please help me understand." Keep asking questions until there is clear communication about exactly what is expected, required, and to be done. We could even try it here with some of the statements that have been made. Bad hair day? Please help me understand. :rolleyes:

I do want to thank you all.. Yesterday I was still upset, as I hadn't slept well, and all posts except the first one were at work, where I try to keep posting at a minimum. Anyway, I also wasn't feelng well and left early. I pretty much slept the whole day.


Tiny- the father frequently drives them also. I was surprised that he was so upset bout my taking them- his reaction was way out of line, and I was taken aback.

(Information time) Also, with lice, they have to on the head for a while to be detected.They usually are detected after they have laid eggs (nits) I have been through the lice nightmare, but thankfully, not for a while!!! It's a real pain in the butt. There was no way she could have had so many on her head from just the night before- she probably had them for a week or so.

Anyway, my throat still hurts and my head if stuffed, and I can't think too well right now, but I do thank you for your help.

Ok Jon--I didn't notice your picture until this morning so if you are reading threads in order than my earlier comment about laughing was a reaction to seeing your picture for the first time. Bizarre, I know.

I had it in my mind that you were the one with the quote 'but it's a dry heat'. I thought your earlier comment was a bit harsh so I asked about a bad hair day, not realizing I was commenting on something self-evident.

You're usually together (kind of) and I was surprised when you body-slammed her. If you're having a bad weekend, you have my sympathy. But you can't have my hot rollers.

sdp--It's the principle of the thing. Wouldn't you, as a parent, react to the timing of finding out about the lice, rather than the gestation period??

I wouldn't blame somebody else for the lice, unless it was done intentionally.ie- somebody knew their kid had lice, and let them out w/out telling anyone. If you've never been through that horror, you don't know until it's way too late. It's one of those sucky things that just happens sometimes. She doesn't like me, anyway. She's nice as pie to my face,tho.

And I am trying to get over codie ways-- before, I would have called her to explain why I picked up the kids. However, not taking care of the world backfired!! My niece is also on the cheerleading squad, and they had a special practice today. Her father does the Tues nite practices, we do the Thursday. Anyway, I thought of calling to find out how she was getting there, but I stopped myself-"no, it's not my job".. well, when I dropped my kids off, someone asked where the niece was?? I had to turn around and get her. It turns out, my husbnd had discussed this with someone last nite and forgot to tell me that I was taking her!!! Now if I had called, I would have known!!!

No good deed goes unpunished...

Also, Tiny--
I have noticed that when an avatar or quote is changed, it looks like they're also changed on all old posts.. I noticed that around 9/11....