12stepnchick

My son was apparently texting EXBF? today again and asked him why they couldn't still hang out even though he and I weren't dating. EXBF told him that they could with a big fat YES and a PROMISE after that. My son asked him if he thought I'd let them and he said he thinks so, but that he was planning to call me tonight anyway.

I've been in bed all day, a bit worn from yesterday's adventures, and a bit down I'd imagine, and now I'm anxious. I don't want to NOT allow them to spend time together if it is what they BOTH want, yet I can't imagine how that would affect us-since Im guessing we are over. My son grew close to him and his family took them in as one of them and my son has never had much family-his father has been absent since birth and his father's side of the family doesn't acknowledge him, and my side of the family is pretty much down to his grandma and a few uncles that spend no time with him. So I don't want to take all that away if I don't have to, yet I don't want to hurt either...

It's all just a bit much, and I feel the anxiety washing over me in waves....Wondering what to do about it all and just praying he doesn't call and goes on about his life.......wanting closure from him in other ways-our relationship ended on a text message.....

give me strength........heading back to bed........

dollydo

My goodness what a tangled web we weave, You were only dating this man for 3 months and you've got your son all wrapped up in your affair with a married man.

I would stop the texting and cut this off, now. It appears that you are using your son as a vehicle to keep on touch with your ex whatever he was. Your son needs friends of his own to text.

You are supposed to be the adult, do the right thing for your child.

Sorry to sound harsh, but, to me, this has gone far enough.

LexieCat

StepNChick,

I think you have to decide which will hurt your son more, in the long run. To simply have this man and family go out of his life, quickly, no fanfare, consider it a lesson learned, OR to drag it out, possibly make it more complicated, painful, and confusing for him, by allowing him to continue to have contact with this guy.

YOU are the mom, you make the rules about whom your son has contact with. Your son might not like it, but he isn't old enough to have a vote in this. It's not like this is his father.

Just my two cents. My own kids missed their stepdad a lot when we split up, but I decided it was best if they didn't go through any more angst than they already had.

Lola1024

That sounds like a pretty tough deal. I personally would say no to this for your son's sake. He may not like it or think it is fair but it is for the best in the long run if you are trying to end this relationship. You as the adult make the call. Don't get your son in the middle- just would hurt and confuse him more later on.

In my second divorce I had to let go of my former step children. It was tough, heart breaking but for the best in the long run. My daughter had to do the same thing with her former step dad. Just how it goes sometimes. It hurts but the sooner the healing and moving on starts the better. You can teach your son how to let go in a healthy manner.

MissFixit

Hi,

I grew up with a single father who dragged me and my sister in and out of his relationships. I am friends with most of the women still, but the emotional toll has been tough. You have abandonment issues arise when people comein andout of your life as a kid.

You are in charge, not this man and not your child. What is best for him?

This experience is hopefully a learning experience. You were in this relationship for 3months? My question to you is why did you introduce a man you dated for 3 months to your child? I am looking at this from the kid's perspective.

Thumper

Ugh. You are way past the point of praying someone else does something to make this situation a better one.

Decide what is best for you and your son. Then you take action to make that happen. It doesn't matter what the 13yo thinks. You are his mom and have life lessons under your belt, and a long term view, he does not. It doesn't matter what the ex thinks. This is not his child and we already know he does not take other peoples feelings/needs into account when deciding what he is going to do. Despite the fact that they have forged a relationship of their own, it has still only been 4 months. This is not a father, or a long term relationship. In my opinion, that makes a difference when deciding what is best.

Make your decision, take action, then stick to it with all you are worth, and take steps to fill you life, and your sons life, with positive healing activities.