Someone please tie my hands
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Maryland
Posts: 33
Someone please tie my hands
It's almost like I'd imagine an A feels wanting that drink or a drug addict feels wanting the next high.....but I feel much like I'm addicted to this man, or maybe I am addicted to what I got from him-he fed my emotional needs and I need them met and now with him gone it's like a circus in my head.
I texted him this am....my son told me that BF had been online gaming last night and told him if he wanted to play to send him an invite and my son ignored him. So I felt the need to text him to tell him why my 13 yr old won't have anything to do with him.....then since he did NOT text back.......two hours later I texted him to LET HIM KNOW I WASN'T GOING TO TEXT HIM ANYMORE...I figured he's not texting because he sooooooooo hates to text over serious matters......and the very LAST text I got from him was the one about him moving which started all this....He hasn't texted since that message.
I KNOW No contact is the way to go, but I feel like I may have to throw my phone away to do it! WHY is this bothering me sooo much I was THE ONE who TOLD him to leave, I was THE ONE who told him I couldn't go backwards....the first day he was gone I felt relief, the second still happy, the third and fourth addicted....
I'm going to my AlAnon meeting tonight if all goes well....been trying all day to keep my hands busy in the yard and with everything I've gotten behind in since he and I started dating.....yet I keep bouncing back and fourth...Think I'll head up to the nice AC now and do some journaling......make another list of all the reasons why....
Thanks for listening.
I texted him this am....my son told me that BF had been online gaming last night and told him if he wanted to play to send him an invite and my son ignored him. So I felt the need to text him to tell him why my 13 yr old won't have anything to do with him.....then since he did NOT text back.......two hours later I texted him to LET HIM KNOW I WASN'T GOING TO TEXT HIM ANYMORE...I figured he's not texting because he sooooooooo hates to text over serious matters......and the very LAST text I got from him was the one about him moving which started all this....He hasn't texted since that message.
I KNOW No contact is the way to go, but I feel like I may have to throw my phone away to do it! WHY is this bothering me sooo much I was THE ONE who TOLD him to leave, I was THE ONE who told him I couldn't go backwards....the first day he was gone I felt relief, the second still happy, the third and fourth addicted....
I'm going to my AlAnon meeting tonight if all goes well....been trying all day to keep my hands busy in the yard and with everything I've gotten behind in since he and I started dating.....yet I keep bouncing back and fourth...Think I'll head up to the nice AC now and do some journaling......make another list of all the reasons why....
Thanks for listening.
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Admitting one's weaknesses is awesome.
The next step is figuring out what to do about it. Can you...
a) leave your phone at home accidentally-on-purpose?
b) leave your phone with a friend totally-on-purpose?
c) remove his number from your contacts?
d) keep yourself insanely busy for the next little while until the worst of your cravings to contact an obviously toxic person passes?
Someone on SR posted this for me once and it totally snapped me awake:
"Discomfort never killed anyone"
It's ridiculously true. We might writhe around turning this way and that, trying desperately not to be uncomfortable or not to feel pain, but in the end, no one ever died from this. Time passes by, minute by minute, hour by hour, whether we work ourselves into a frenzy or whether we're watching Oprah (kill me now).
Give yourself a break!
The next step is figuring out what to do about it. Can you...
a) leave your phone at home accidentally-on-purpose?
b) leave your phone with a friend totally-on-purpose?
c) remove his number from your contacts?
d) keep yourself insanely busy for the next little while until the worst of your cravings to contact an obviously toxic person passes?
Someone on SR posted this for me once and it totally snapped me awake:
"Discomfort never killed anyone"
It's ridiculously true. We might writhe around turning this way and that, trying desperately not to be uncomfortable or not to feel pain, but in the end, no one ever died from this. Time passes by, minute by minute, hour by hour, whether we work ourselves into a frenzy or whether we're watching Oprah (kill me now).
Give yourself a break!
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Reminds me of when I was trying to get over XA+ABF and would start driving over to his house about oh... I don't know... 9PM... and just keep driving by all night, who-knows-how-many-times? It took me a while before I stopped doing that. I wrote him so many letters, I can't tell you how many. I wish I could remember what they said, probably a bunch of stuff about my feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelings.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 902
Whoever invented text messaging should be slapped. LOL! I know where you are at. I have been there too.
When I feel the need to text because I am being reactive, I hide my phone. When at home, I usually turn it off, stick it in a box, and hide it in the back of the closet. Problem solved! At work, I bury it in a file, which means I actually have to stop what I am doing and get up to dig it out and get it.
With xabf, I put him under the name "Alcoholic, Manipulator, Liar" in my phone. that was enough to remind me in times of weakness to not contact him. It's so hard, but NC gets so much easier. Another favorite, how he was save in my email under "This will only hurt you."
Do not beat yourself up if you text, but know that the rush you get from getting it off of your chest is not worth the pain when he ignores it. Hit a pillow, write a FU letter in red pen and tear it up to get the anger out. Anything but text him.
Hang in there!!! Hugs : )
When I feel the need to text because I am being reactive, I hide my phone. When at home, I usually turn it off, stick it in a box, and hide it in the back of the closet. Problem solved! At work, I bury it in a file, which means I actually have to stop what I am doing and get up to dig it out and get it.
With xabf, I put him under the name "Alcoholic, Manipulator, Liar" in my phone. that was enough to remind me in times of weakness to not contact him. It's so hard, but NC gets so much easier. Another favorite, how he was save in my email under "This will only hurt you."
Do not beat yourself up if you text, but know that the rush you get from getting it off of your chest is not worth the pain when he ignores it. Hit a pillow, write a FU letter in red pen and tear it up to get the anger out. Anything but text him.
Hang in there!!! Hugs : )
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
I agree about the text messaging too. I think this is a little off-topic but just shows you more of the same problem: I have to STOP myself at least once a day from grabbing my phone while DRIVING and texting or reading someone else's text. I am thinking about getting rid of this phone I paid WAY too much money for and go back to the plain one that doesn't have super-texting capacity.
Anyway, the point is 12stepnchick, lots of people are having a hard time with everyday life and technology can just make it harder. Texting is so convenient. I don't have to drive 20 minutes each way, thirty times a day, in order to act out my obsession with an alcoholic. Now, I can just TEXT him and be rejected, ignored and abused from the comfort of my own living room.
Just know, hon, you will stop when you are ready to stop. Don't beat yourself up too much about it. I do hope you get to the bottom of this though
Anyway, the point is 12stepnchick, lots of people are having a hard time with everyday life and technology can just make it harder. Texting is so convenient. I don't have to drive 20 minutes each way, thirty times a day, in order to act out my obsession with an alcoholic. Now, I can just TEXT him and be rejected, ignored and abused from the comfort of my own living room.
Just know, hon, you will stop when you are ready to stop. Don't beat yourself up too much about it. I do hope you get to the bottom of this though
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Originally Posted by Learn2Live 
Anyway, the point is 12stepnchick, lots of people are having a hard time with everyday life and technology can just make it harder. Texting is so convenient. I don't have to drive 20 minutes each way, thirty times a day, in order to act out my obsession with an alcoholic. Now, I can just TEXT him and be rejected, ignored and abused from the comfort of my own living room.
OMG that is so funny!! Sad...but funny...and boy, can I relate!! When I was going thru my similar break up 13 years ago (yes, it's still fresh in my mind!) we didn't have texting...we had pagers! And we'd send vile numeric-coded messages to each other LOL!! I had to put on my special decoder ring to figure them out half the time and I look back on that now and just shake my head!! I went thru that kind of crap for years and finally enough was enough. You'll know when you've had enough!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by nodaybut2day
Someone on SR posted this for me once and it totally snapped me awake:
"Discomfort never killed anyone"
It's ridiculously true. We might writhe around turning this way and that, trying desperately not to be uncomfortable or not to feel pain, but in the end, no one ever died from this. Time passes by, minute by minute, hour by hour, whether we work ourselves into a frenzy or whether we're watching Oprah (kill me now).
"Discomfort never killed anyone"
It's ridiculously true. We might writhe around turning this way and that, trying desperately not to be uncomfortable or not to feel pain, but in the end, no one ever died from this. Time passes by, minute by minute, hour by hour, whether we work ourselves into a frenzy or whether we're watching Oprah (kill me now).
Making positive changes in our lives means stepping out of our comfort zone.
My sponsor often referred to my codie relapses as jumping back in the brier patch, rolling around till I was cut up and bloody, then jumping out and saying "Damn, it does feel better out here!"
For 13 years after I left the abusive EXAH, as soon as I felt any discomfort, I would head for my comfort zone, which was finding solace in the arms of a man, and never a healthy one either.
At the end, that comfort zone was like a ragged old blanket that a little kid would drag around, dirty, torn, and with snot on it. I finally tossed it in the garbage.
I don't miss that icky blanket anymore.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Alexandria Township, NJ
Posts: 275
It's amazing how you know when you are truly done with someone..
When you see his number calling in or his text and it makes you flinch and then your skin crawls.
OHHHH man!!! it's awesome when that happens - FREEDOM!!!!!!
Just wait 12step it's too soon - but it will happen.
When you see his number calling in or his text and it makes you flinch and then your skin crawls.
OHHHH man!!! it's awesome when that happens - FREEDOM!!!!!!
Just wait 12step it's too soon - but it will happen.
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