He Is SPINE-LESS.
 

I asked for my things back a while ago. Well,I FINALLY get a reply,and he tells me...GET THIS..I can come PICK THEM UP AT HIS WORK. The spine-less peice of @!#$ won't even FACE ME. Not only am I now in physically pain(I have Ovarian Cysts) but now,again,I am in emotional pain.

I "should" be over all of this by now,but I'm not. I am sad,I am hurt,I am feeling used,and I am P*SSED OFF.

I wrote him this as a response..

"I wish you would have told me before you took my things to your work.

I can't believe how easily you can just seem to write me out of your life. I guess maybe you think since you have your nice apartment you do not need me in your life now.

I stood by you when you had nothing,and now you treat me like I'm nothing. You have no idea how bad you have hurt me.

I guess I didn't meet your "standards" when the real truth is,you don't want to deal with YOU. You wouldn't even face me to give me back my things.

I was a true friend to you. It seems that means absolutely nothing to you. I'm sorry I fell in love with you.

I wanted to remain friends with you,but you've made that damn near impossible and don't wish to have that anyways."


*Sigh*

ah-yeah...don't you love him making a public parade out of getting your things? Spiteful, if you ask me.

Do you have a friend who can go get it for you. Then there is NC and if he is doing it simply for the satisfaction of being an a**-well he does not get the satisfaction. I would not bother telling him this. I would disengage. Hurt or not, you are still letting him hurt you. Find a way to take care of you.

So if you can, find a friend and email him and say so and so will be picking my stuff up at (whatever time) and say nothing more.

Did this today with stbxah and it was amazing how fast it deflated his plans. He was ragging at me because my BIL is picking up our son to bring him to therapy because it is such a long drive. stbxah cannot stand that my family is helping me out so I just emailed back--you have right of first refusal. DS's therapy appt. is at 4:30. You can drop him off there or meet me at 4:15 someplace halfway. Let me know by 3:00 which arrangement works better. Two minutes later I got an email, I need to be somewhere by 3:00. I cannot bring DS to therapy.

Shock of all shocks--just quacking again.

Yours is trying to quack in public. Don't give him the satisfaction. I know he has hurt you but try to set your boundaries so he cannot hurt you again.

Next time he pulls one of these moves come here and tell us what you want to tell him. Get it out--but don't waste your breath on him. You're worth more and deserve better.

amen!

I define my codepency in many ways. When it came to my XABF, I was emotionally invested in his actions. Everytime I wanted or expected a certain action from him and he did something different, I succumbed emotionally. If he did something my way, I loved him, if he did something I didn't like, I was devastated. I always saw this as his problem to fix. I didn't realize until I sought recovery, that I created the problem for myself.

You asked for your things. He's made the arrangement that works for him. How you emotionally react to this news is entirely up to you. You told him that you wanted remain friends....even in the best of breakups, that takes time.

Best to you!

Alice

"I stood by you when you had nothing, and now you treat me like I'm nothing."

That is a gut wrenching statement. I'm sorry you're going through this, but hopefully you will emerge from it stronger and wiser. Be well.

We very often give advice to people to put their ex's belongings outside or in a storage facility or other places to keep them from having to come inside the house. What he did does not sound that outrageous to me. Just go get your stuff and be done with him. It's time to move past this and start living a new life for you.

I am sorry you are hurting Music.

At this point... it doesn't matter how spine-LESS he is.... what matters NOW is how spine-FULL you are. :)

((hugs))

I have seen this used as a humiliation tactic thus my response...

Thank you,dear.

Thank you all for your answers. I guess I should have also included that a mutual friend of ours happens to work RIGHT NEXT DOOR to my X's apartment. He could have easily emailed me,and made sure it was okay to give to said friend. He could have at least ASKED me if he could take it into his work.


Yes. I am glad he did not throw my stuff away,but I also see as a way to,as live said,a humilitation tactic.

I hardly,and I mean only on a wave sort of bases,KNOW ANYONE AT HIS WORK.

I'm taking my friend with me to get my stuff back. I am over with and done with him