lulu1974

Hello SR...
I am always so surprised when I start to get lonely and miss my staxh. This time it came out of the blue and I was doing well before that. The last two days it was starting to get tough. But I made it thru!!! I used all the tools I could..Finally I threw on my codependent no more cd's. I dont know what it was but I can breathe again. Woohoo!
Does anyone else have this issue where its like we have a memory lapse of all they did and we miss them? And then I logically know it makes no sense to miss him but yet emotionally I can not get on the same page? Is this my inner child? I identified I was scared and felt vulnerable and unsure about my future. I know this logically but its strange how my feelings do not want to cooperate with my brain at times. Is it just me?

Hugs
Lulu

dollydo

Well, sometimes we try to think with our heart and not our head. Our heart is our emotional barometer, our head is our thinking mechanism...glad to hear that you are back on track, letting your brain do the work it was designed to do.

And no, been there done that!

Kittyboo

Does anyone else have this issue where its like we have a memory lapse of all they did and we miss them?
Oh goodness yes!!lol

But it is true...we, or at least I, miss who I thought he was. Basically I miss the actor.

Funny you posted this, I did kind of a "reverse fantasy" earlier, and for me it worked! When I miss him, when I am fantasizing about all I wanted with him and I am thinking about all of the things I wanted that his current girlfriend may be getting, I start pining and feeling lonely, I turn that loneliness around....

I was sitting here alone in my apt and imagining if I was currently in a relationship with him and he was out on the town, not picking up the phone if I call, drinking, out with other girls and here I am wondering, waiting, anxious in my stomach for him to come home.....
then snap....I start thinking I am soooooo grateful that ISN'T my life! I am so grateful I don't have to wonder where the man I love is, I am so grateful there isn't an arguement looming right around the next corner, I am so grateful I don't have to walk on eggshells constantly worrying about HIS feelings, I am so grateful I don't have to wonder if he will want to spend time with me.....

and the list goes on and on.

Yes, it is easy to miss them sometimes. We have real sincere feelings, it is easy. And it's also easy to be happy with the peace that surrounds you when they are not around.

suki44883

They (whoever they is) say that if women remembered how painful childbirth is, they'd never have more than one child. The mind has a wonderful way of letting some things just slide away. If you ever need a reminder, you can always go back and read your posts from a few months ago.

lulu1974

Its just always so surprising I think of him but then I need to remind myself that he was a part of my life for 10 years, roughly 1/3 of my lifetime so the healing will take a while. I am such an inpatience woman at times. I swear I feel such relief today. Back to me and discovering who I am..thank you everybody for being here for me and listening to my rants or raves and the emotional roller coaster I call my life

tigger11

All the freaking time, Lulu! It throws me into a depression that feels like a bottomless pit. I think I'd be better off living with all the crap than being without him. I think he's the only man I'll ever love, with all his abusive faults. The thing that gets me down so so low is missing the feel of his skin and wondering if there will ever be another man whose touch feels so good to me. There never has been before. Sigh. Dam*... tears.

Kittyboo gave a classic example of "playing the tapes back" to remember all the crap he put you through. Somehow that never works for me. But I'm thrilled it works for some.

You are NOT alone Lulu. Of that you can be sure. And we WILL get through this. All of us together.

HUGGS,
Tigg

Kassie2

I think we all have those moments. The brain is wired to remember the good and forget the bad. It is often a good thing it works this way - it makes relationships easier - but writing yourself letters or journalling etc are things you can do to remind yourself that there was a reason for your choice.

I go through one day remembering all the good stuff, and then days of recalling the worst stuff - it is all about working it out in your mind. You made a choice for your own reasons - it does not erase the positive memories nor recognize the loss. I have not made any long term choices until I am certain to work through it all - but I recognize that we all process things differently.

It is okay to recall the good - to miss your ex - to feel sad for the loss of the relationship - but it is also okay to remember that there are reasons for your choice and the new life. Just be kind to yourself and live!

I will sadly admit that I can't get there yet. I have a different view of the world that makes it more difficult for me and a lifetime of experience that does the same. But I do remember my reasons for being apart and I wouldn't change that decision if I could. My issues are not just about him and I think we forget to separate our stuff from the relationship. You will figure out you! And you will love it.

Kittyboo

When I was a little girl, about 9 years old, I was attacked by a neighbors dog.... a Chow. It literally almost killed me. I remember looking down and the little purple sundress I had was completely red....I loved that dog.
I remember screaming, I remember laying my head down on the table as he jumped on top of me....

I don't remember any of the pain. Nothing. Couldn't tell you what it felt like.

I do know that I never want it to be that moment again.