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Old 07-20-2010, 04:29 PM
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I know some of this sounds crazy like him not letting me go to ALanon because of his embarrassment and shame, but I am pretty low on energy and I have to pick the issues carefully to keep from overload. I have a therapist who tells me I have done pretty well dealing with this, but that doesn't seem like enough rightnow and when I talk with my otherwise very loving hus band about what i see and what I feel he just can't see it, but he is very good recognizing his friends as addicts and alcoholics. I am amazed what alcohol has done to him even when he doesn't drink.

I will be going to Alanon this weekend9he agreed) and am hoping that I can get a sponsor.

I need to take care of me and that usually involves getting out of town for the weekend usually to the beach. My next trip is 6 weeks away. The beach is so quieting for me.

Does anyone here know of an Al Anon meeting I can go to on the NH seacoast that is on the weekend.
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Old 07-20-2010, 04:48 PM
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Glad to hear you're planning to go to a meeting. You can check your local phone book, or google Al-Anon and look for meetings in your area. Many will have a phone number you can call to check on the details regarding days and times, etc.

Here's the link to Al-anon in New Hampshire:

NH Al-Anon Alateen
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Old 07-20-2010, 07:21 PM
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Don't worry about pleasing us or meeting our expectations, we have no right to place any of that on you!
Every one in a relationship picks and chooses which things are worth compromising over, scheduling now or later etc.
Boy, I am envious of that beach time! kick a little sand for me!
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Old 07-20-2010, 07:45 PM
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Hey Puppy Girl - although I live in MO, I'm from NH! I LOVE hearing from people from back home. My parents are in Harrisville, and both are active in AA and AlAnon. If you want me to get you in touch with them, PM me. I'm sure they'd be happy to help you find AlAnon meetings, or just talk. They live by a lake (incentive?).

Anyway... I'm with Live... do what's best for YOU. We women tend to get all wrapped up in pleasing others before taking care of ourselves. Problem is, if you don't take care of YOU, you can't take care of others. YOU-ARE-WORTH-IT!!!

Keep coming back here... we know just what you're going through.

HUGGS, TIGG!
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Old 07-21-2010, 08:01 AM
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I am amazed what alcohol has done to him even when he doesn't drink.
Yes it's unbelievable how "different" they are even when sober. unrecognizable

Nobody is here to judge, just a little "tough love" :ghug3

Keep us posted
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Old 07-21-2010, 09:23 AM
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I will be going to Alanon this weekend9he agreed) and am hoping that I can get a sponsor.
This is GREAT news!!! Good for you puppygirl! I am glad he agreed too. The support, love, and acceptance I felt when I first found Al-Anon were life-changing. For the first time in my life I felt understood. Of course, I went to a handful before I found such complete feelings but that was normal.
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Old 07-21-2010, 02:50 PM
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I think actually he only agreed to this weekend because it is a half day seminar meeting. I think that I will tell him it is what I need to do for me- not about him....about how I am going to take care of me. I hope I can tell him without him getting angry. I am pretty emotionally fragile right now. Getting out of the house tonight for church.....calming, productive time. I love him lots but why does he have to make this ALAnon 2 hours a week so difficult.
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Old 07-22-2010, 05:10 AM
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It's about control Puppy. If you are strong - his life effected.

The sad thing about addiction (one of the hundreds) and it cab be the hardest thing for loved ones to accept.

The addiction can be stronger than their love for anything else.

That's why they have to get sober for themselves.

Then they can truly love others.

It is a very hard and painful reality for people who love alcoholics. IMO
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Old 07-22-2010, 05:17 AM
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...ADD ON

Not saying they don't love. But they can't give the things that people in relationships need and want.

Like compassion, empathy, understanding, caring of others feelings... the list is endless.

Ya' know the stuff that makes you feel like this person you are with "has your back" no matter what.
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Old 07-22-2010, 05:26 AM
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why does he have to make this ALAnon 2 hours a week so difficult.
Because with time, EVERY decision is made with the sole purpose of protecting the disease and continuing to drink. There becomes no other purpose in life. It is like a monster that takes over the person and directs his or her every step.
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