Pelican

Try to get some rest tonight Beth.

She is safe tonight.
She has a place to sleep.
She will be given food to eat.

You did good today! Give yourself a hug!

wicked

of course you are correct hammerhead. the tears were just the beginning.
and i wonder too, if i should be there thursday.
it will be tough.
oh the juvenile po was for a special thing they have here in michigan - the juvenile drug court, supposed to act as an early intervention with the close supervision of the kids. it has been successful, but not with her.
sigh......

now, with the new mip she got while still on juvenile drug court (or about to graduate) moves her into adult land. she is now in the county jail until her court date on thursday.

but she will survive and so will i.

thank you again hammerhead.

Learn2Live

Beth, My read of the conversation you had with daughter that you posted is pretty much in line with HammerHead's comments. It reminded me of conversations I had with the last alcoholic/addict who lived with me. His game is to play the Defeated Innocent. It just never stops. I don't fall for it any more; haven't for a long time.

I know this week has been tough for you already but it might be best if you let your daughter go ahead and sleep in the big girl bed she has made for herself. Let her deal with where she has put herself ALONE. If you go on Thursday, you will be holding her hand, providing support for her to continue doing what she is doing. I get the sense too, that talking to her and TELLING her ANYTHING from your perspective is continuing to parent her through something she is adult enough to parent her OWN self through.

One of the first things I learned in Recovery is to parent my SELF. It stands true for ALL of us, alcoholics, addicts, codependents, whomever. Maybe you can come here and tell US how you feel about what is going on with her but leave her to figure this out on her own? I have learned that when I find myself lecturing someone about their behavior without their directly asking my opinion about the situation, that I am trying to get some need of my OWN met. Do you think there might be some need you have that you are trying to get met by telling your daughter your perspective on her situation? By staying involved with what is going on with her? Maybe assuaging the guilt you have that you talked about earlier?

Hang tough, you did a GREAT job!!!

wicked

You and Hammerhead are right Learn2Live,
I must think for awhile and get this straight.
what need am i trying to get met here?
and the manipulation must stop.
oddly enough, or maybe not, my oldest son told me,
"mom, she plays you like a violin, real friendly and your bff when things are going her way, cold and bitchy when they're not!"
of course, at the time, i thought he was jealous!
LOL
i am getting it now, must think some, clear the decks, prepare for some work on myself, and let her work on herself.
thank you for you insights and gentle prodding.
thank you very much.

Learn2Live

It's a good reminder for me, too, Beth, to get busy working on me so that I also do not get wrapped up in other peoples' problems. Thanks for the reminder.