I Am Letting Him Go
I Am Letting Him Go
Here is the letter I sent this morning via email, after defriending from Facebook the man who, for 17 years, I considered my soulmate. But I'm done.
I'm realy glad things are working out for you. It sounds like you and Jill are getting back together and that's good.
Despite that, I have come to the decision that it would be best for me if we did not remain in contact. I'm pretty sure the only reason you contacted me again after all of this time was sort of a cyberspace drunk-and-dial---you were feeling low and needed an ego stroke. But it looks like things are working out for you so I know I serve no purpose to you. You only really contact me when you are about to do something scary (move to LA, break up, get married, whatever) and need a boost. I don't associate with people like that anymore and don't get involved in one-sided relationships any longer.
We are not friends. I have been hoping that in the last few weeks we could really sit down at the computer and get rid of some of the baggage that maybe we have both been carrying around for a long time. At least I have. But you and I both know you are never gonna do it. When things get emotionally tough, you bail. I'm not interested in trying to maintain a relationship - friendly, romantic or otherwise - with an emotional coward. I think 17 years of not getting anything I want from you - an apology, an explaination, anything - are enough for me...finally.
My life is getting to a good place, and I don't need you in it anymore. Not for real and not in my head.
God bless and good luck. I think you will need both.
Christi
To SR folks - and yes, I will be changing my name here, as soon as I figure out what I should change it to.
I'm realy glad things are working out for you. It sounds like you and Jill are getting back together and that's good.
Despite that, I have come to the decision that it would be best for me if we did not remain in contact. I'm pretty sure the only reason you contacted me again after all of this time was sort of a cyberspace drunk-and-dial---you were feeling low and needed an ego stroke. But it looks like things are working out for you so I know I serve no purpose to you. You only really contact me when you are about to do something scary (move to LA, break up, get married, whatever) and need a boost. I don't associate with people like that anymore and don't get involved in one-sided relationships any longer.
We are not friends. I have been hoping that in the last few weeks we could really sit down at the computer and get rid of some of the baggage that maybe we have both been carrying around for a long time. At least I have. But you and I both know you are never gonna do it. When things get emotionally tough, you bail. I'm not interested in trying to maintain a relationship - friendly, romantic or otherwise - with an emotional coward. I think 17 years of not getting anything I want from you - an apology, an explaination, anything - are enough for me...finally.
My life is getting to a good place, and I don't need you in it anymore. Not for real and not in my head.
God bless and good luck. I think you will need both.
Christi
To SR folks - and yes, I will be changing my name here, as soon as I figure out what I should change it to.
Good for you. You got to say what you needed to say. Now, I hope you have blocked his email so you won't be tempted to read the quack, quack, quacking that is sure to follow.
There will be no quacking, I'm sure. He only needs me when he is feeling bad and he is getting back together with his ex-fiance. He was never an alkie and is not the XH I chat about here. He is the guy I was with before my XH.
I have no use for him now. That hurts to be sure, but I am better off in the long run. I am gonna be a wreck for a while, but it will get better. Then I can move on in my life to a man who can appreciate a goodhearted, polite, smart, funny, kind, sexy woman who, like everyone else, just struggles to make sense of it all. I really hope he is out there. But unless I make a room for him in my heart and head, I wouldn't matter if I found him anyway.
So I am making a room. And I am gonna try to make it the most beautiful room that I can.
I have no use for him now. That hurts to be sure, but I am better off in the long run. I am gonna be a wreck for a while, but it will get better. Then I can move on in my life to a man who can appreciate a goodhearted, polite, smart, funny, kind, sexy woman who, like everyone else, just struggles to make sense of it all. I really hope he is out there. But unless I make a room for him in my heart and head, I wouldn't matter if I found him anyway.
So I am making a room. And I am gonna try to make it the most beautiful room that I can.
That's some good venting!! I feel good just reading it.
17 years is a loooong time, do not waste another minute thinking about... what were we talking about
Do something you love - for yourself.
ChrrisT
17 years is a loooong time, do not waste another minute thinking about... what were we talking about
Do something you love - for yourself.
ChrrisT
I have one of these people in my life who found me on facebook who wanted to strike up a possible friendship. What he did the last time we talked about 15 years ago was E-V-I-L. I could not believe he even tried.
Good for you for sweeping the dirt out of your beautiful room. I think ChrrisT is right--maybe time for a new name.
unmatchable SOUL
BTW... DM.... Great NEW name suggestion
I agree!!
Congrats DM!! Sometimes these feelings have to be purged from you at the feet of the one who's caused the hurt. It's not pretty and it's not the highest road to take, but when faced with the opportunity to get it out and move on, you take it.
You are now free. Now if you find your thoughts drifting back to him, get busy doing something else, and fast.
Best wishes to you
Alice
BTW... DM.... Great NEW name suggestion
I agree!!
Congrats DM!! Sometimes these feelings have to be purged from you at the feet of the one who's caused the hurt. It's not pretty and it's not the highest road to take, but when faced with the opportunity to get it out and move on, you take it.
You are now free. Now if you find your thoughts drifting back to him, get busy doing something else, and fast.
Best wishes to you
Alice
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
Wow pretty dirtmagnet. So well said! Good for you. It seems from this letter you have done a lot of soul searching and a lot of realization. That takes courage my friend. Good things will surely be coming your way. Way to weed that garden of yours!
Hugs
Lulu
Hugs
Lulu
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