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Confused...

Old 07-18-2010, 08:14 AM
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Confused...

Here I am feeling a little off balance this morning....I had an interesting conversation with my ex last night....We have our son...so I do have to talk to him sometimes, but we haven't spoken about the break up or anything like that until last night....Wow...am I glad I left him...I think he's been mostly sober for the last couple of months...So, now I know it wasnt all alcohol to blame...Seems he still thinks its my fault for kicking him out of the house..He confused me by asking him if I was trying to teach him a lesson....All of this out of the blue..He told me I was out looking for other men....wow...I tore our family apart etc...I mostly listened, but ended the conversation by saying that I did the right thing...And that I am happy he is gone...

I have been dwelling on this all morning....I know I need to stop...I will know better next time....Back to short conversations about our son only....

Guess all along I believed alcohol was the entire problem...Now I'm seeing that it isn't...And that's okay....Just makes me a little sad...I'll keep on pushing forward...I have a peaceful home that I'm very thankful for and wonderful kids...Need to get out of this moment and stop dwelling
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SoloMio (07-18-2010)
Old 07-18-2010, 08:31 AM
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He may or may not be sober. However, he is still displaying the "ism's" of alcoholism. Without recovery (life changes) he will continue to manipulate, blame shift, deny, lie, etc. because it is his way of reacting to life.

The healthiest thing you can do is detach. detach. detach.

Can you take yourself for a walk? Physical excercise helps me release the stress of dealing with a dysfunctional individual.

Some other steps that help me:

Put the problem onto a piece of paper and put it into my HP box. Leave it there for HP (no takebacks).
Forgive myself and move on.
Make a gratitude list.

Peace and ((hugs)) to you and your children!
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Old 07-18-2010, 08:47 AM
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erica,

alcohol and drug abuse is but a symptom of a larger problem. the true nature of it, is that they don't live life on life's terms, and they mask their pain and confusion and overwhelming feelings with a drug.

of course you did the right thing. of course he cannot accept the truth. and you are strong.
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