Freedom1990

I called my 32 year old AD yesterday. I'm not even sure why as I expected nothing less than lies from her.

My 14 year old granddaughter is now being allowed to date a 21 year old.

All those old ugly emotions washed over me from when Amber ran away at age 15 after AD introduced her to a 24 year old man behind my back.

This was when I had allowed AD to temporarily stay with me, against my better judgment, after she had served a lengthy sentence on felony drug charges.

She introduced Amber to smoking pot. They were drinking beer after I went to bed and hiding the empties in the 2nd story bedroom closet. She left a wreckage behind like a nuclear holocaust, and that was my bottom with her. She's still not welcome in my home.

I decided to make the phone call yesterday after I had heard from my mother about my granddaughter wanting money to get her hair bleached back to its original color.

I checked on Facebook to see if granddaughter had posted anything about changing her hair color because she's at the age now she unfortunately lies to us.

There was a picture of her kissing the BF, which was extremely disturbing for me to see.

His birth date shows he's 21, he says in his description he's 19, granddaughter told my mother he's 16, and when I talked to AD, she said he's 18. I'd be willing to bet on the 21.

Regardless, I kept the conversation short. I didn't raise my voice or judge. I simply asked, after AD said he was 18 (and I knew I wasn't going to get the truth), if that was okay with her. She said yes it was, and they were never unsupervised, which is another lie.

Granddaughter doesn't have access to a computer at AD's, but posts to FB from her cell phone, and my feed recently showed an update where a bunch of them were out at the lake, unsupervised, of course having a grand time. AD didn't have any reply for that one.

I simply told her thanks for the info, and hung up.

I just feel so incredibly sad today, and I will allow myself to feel that sadness, and move on. The tentacles of this disease reach from generation to generation, and I am powerless over my granddaughter and the choices she is making, along with her mother's approval.

What I am grateful for is I have had my granddaughter every chance I could get. She was with me more than her mother right after she was born as they only lived 2 houses down, and I was convenient for a babysitter.

I don't regret having her any of those times for a second. She has always known that my house is a safe place to come to. She knows she is loved. I watched her grow up over the years more than her mother.

Now she's making choices that may very well impact her for years to come, and I'm going to have faith that God is present in her life as well as mine.

I'm detaching with an intensity I've never had with my granddaughter before, and life will go on, won't it?

Thanks for letting me share my sadness today. This too shall pass.

keepinon

Have faith that your grandaughter has the seed of good sense and knows what recovery looks like from being with you. Teenagers su** anyway w/out having addict moms (INMHO and years of experience lol!) She knows where to turn to for sanity. So sorry, when they are so young its hard to detach. Would just like to shake and lecture them which as we all know is super effective..hang in there!

Impurrfect

(((DeVon))) - I sort of know your sadness. I've gone through something similar with my niece. All I know to do is love them, let them know you're there for them (which I'm sure they both DO know), and pray a lot.

Love, hugs and prayers!

Amy

coyote21

A 21yo "dating" a 14yo is wrong on many levels, and pretty much against the law if you mean "dating" like I mean "dating".

When LMC is 14, if a 21yo decides it's a good idea to "date" her, you can bet I'll do what ever it takes to make sure the perpetrator get his fill of "dating" in jail.

But that's just me.


Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

P.S. Jail would be his safest bet.

coyote21

Reality smacks Coyote in the face as he suddenly realizes he'll be 63 when LMC is 14. Doh!

But you know.... a cane can be a handy persuasive/equalizing device in the right hands, not to mention a fabulous accessory.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

cmc

******{DeVon}}}

Pelican

Hijack Alert!

Anvil,
Did you make friends with the octopus after smoking the pot?


To DeVon,
Sorry about the boyfriend. Hopefully, they will loose interest in each other soon.
She has an awesome G-mom to look up too!
(((Hugs)))

Angelic17

Freedom

It amazes me how History always repeats itself. Children learn what they live, and often they learn things you don't want them to learn, even if you didn't introduce them to it. It's your daughters responsibility to protect her 14 year old daughter, for 14 yr olds are at that stage where they know everything. And 21 is just way too old for a 14 year old. It's not only against the law because she is under age, it's dangerous.
Did you ever consider having a heart to heart talk with this Grandaughter that you love so much? I know you said your detaching, and that might just be the thing that's right for you. I was just wondering. At the age of 14 things change pretty quickly when it comes to boyfriends. Hang in there. Hopefully this will just be a passing thing. Say a prayer that he finds a woman his own age and leaves your 14 yr old Grandaughter alone.

Freedom1990

Granddaughter and I have had many heart to heart talks. We've talked about what she wants to do after high school and what some of her dreams are.

I've always praised her and pointed out all her wonderful qualities. I've told her many times that happiness is an inside job, and she can do anything she sets her mind to.

She was so relaxed and happy to be here last visit, and then her mother calls the next day, claiming she had a migraine and needed granddaughter back home to watch her little brother.

There's a long history with AD. She's never forgiven me for many things, including moving over 2 hours away from her dad after I got out of rehab.

gns

Dear Freedom, I am sorry this is so hard.

I think your GD is very lucky that you have been there and are there to love, value and appreciate her. I really believe that makes all the difference in the world! You have helped make her strong in her core. She is so much more likely to value herself and make good decisions because of that.

Angelic17

Freedom, Your a good grandmother. The fact that your clean and sober, and her mom is not, sets a great example right there. Everything you put into your Grandaughter will pay off. Maybe not yet at 14, because most 14 year olds aren't capable of understanding alot of things, that us older people understand. But eventually your love and guidance will have an impact on her. What ever grievance your AD has, is her problem. It's not your problem or your Grandaughters problem. And if your AD tries to pull your Grandaughter away from you, eventually your Grandaughter will realize it, and believe me, she's not gonna like her mother because of it. Kids grow up and see things for what they really are. My Ex was horrible to me and my son. But, my son loved his father, and I never said a bad thing about his dad to him. Now that he is older, and all grown up, my son sees his father for what he really is. And I never said a thing.
He figured that one out for himself.