KeepPedaling

So, I went NC a long time ago (around Valentine's Day). I've contacted him once since then, a few weeks ago, to let him know it was definitely over and I'd moved on. This was via email and in response to letters he'd been sending me in the mail.

He's still trying to make contact with me. This week has been much worse. He knows I blocked his email address, so he's created two new ones that he's sending me emails from. I've blocked those too now.

So my question is for those of you brave ones who went no contact and have successfully moved on,

How long did it take before your xa gave up and quit attempting contact?

Impurrfect

(((KP))) - I don't know about the "how long" question. My ex's were too messed up to even THINK about contacting me (except from jail).

I did want to say BRAVO for you to continue to block him. Hopefully, he'll give up soon?

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

sandrawg

It'll probably continue until he finds another one.

mermaidgirl

KP-I went NC around the same time after I asked him to leave in January. He finally stopped contacting me after he figured out my boundary was a brick wall-immovable!

tjp613

Not necessarily true, I'm afraid. Mine continued for about 3 years, even after I was married. Knowing his track record, in that time he'd probably had a dozen "other ones".

Lola1024

A couple of years ago I was no contact with my Abf for 6 months. Didn't hear a peep then ... phone rang... I answered and back I went. I had not moved on emotionally so I was vulerable to jumping back in at any time. Back to the drawing board.

chrisea

mine tried a hook after 4+ years, but gave him another final ~ this is it for me - click on the phone. I could change my number, & would - if it got worse. I fumed about it for awhile, then left it go & went back to my life. There are so many other things to be concerned about, like how my family is doing...

Maybe it's time to change your email address. I know that would be a pain. Or just be on the look out for his emails & block it. Either alternative sucks.

It's 5+ Years post ~ For Anybody, that's some kind of anniversary for me

I sometimes use music, there are all kinds online, to unwind, relate to, & enjoy by myself & my cat

She's Gonna Make It (he never will) - Garth Brooks ~ Sevens album (courtesy of Pandora, thanks)

URMYEVERYTHING

I have to give the addict some credit here...as most people who break up contact each other at some point. It may be 10 years later...but somehow contact is made or not. I'm just making a general statement because when it's the addict we get all freaked out.

Why is that I wonder?

I've had past BF's contact me and not get so worked up and filled with anxiety. I was able to move on from the things they did in the relationship (cheat, etc.), however, with the addict it's so much different. I am still baffled by this phenomenon (if you want to call it that).

nodaybut2day

Yep, it seems the calls are there to remind me that I still need to work on being assertive and clearly enforcing my boundaries, whether with XAH or anyone else.

KeepPedaling

It always seems like a's behave so similarly when in relationships with their codies, but based on your responses, it seems like they're all pretty unique when they've lost their codies. I think when they're in the process of losing them they're all pretty similar though.

It's nice to not be so affected by his attempts anymore. I guess I can learn to reflex block, hang-up, ignore....

coffeedrinker

yeah, kp, i think they are across the map on this one.

i knew that if i officially broke up w/mine, he would completely disappear. just knew he would shut down for at least a time. it is one of the reasons that i exited the relationship so slowly - i just couldn't bear the thought of absolutely no contact.

sure as heck, when i stopped, he did too. now i never hear from him. it makes me sad, but the sadness is really about that ol' lost dream thing.

when i think about how flippin long it took me to make that eventual exit, it doesn't surprise me that yours still contacts. letting go and facing reality are just harder for some of us.

anvil gave good advice.

TakingCharge999

Get a new email. Once you got it make sure none of the email contacts is toxic. Also you can open one email and select "Mark as Junk" that is what I am doing with all the emails where I mentioned XABF. And giving away all the stuff with even the slightest of triggers.

I am not that person anymore, the new me feeds off beautiful objects and memories and plans.

ItsmeAlice

It'll probably continue until he finds another one.

I think this is true for my XABF. I blocked his calls after I got through the initial physical separation and finally the separation of our shared accounts. I got a couple calls around the holidays from him from locations within walking distance of his parents' houses so I felt certain it was him. I didn't answer and he didn't leave messages.

He had returned to the enabling care of his mother after we separated. I feel pretty sure that if he didn't have her to turn to, he would have been more focused on trying to contact me. I also feel sure that if she turns him out at any point and he has noone else to catch his fall, he will try to reach out to me.

I agree with what others have said. You can block him and change your contact info but the real assurance of no contact comes from within you.

The power to just let that phone ring, delete those messages and emails before reading them, and to discard letters outright without opening them takes strength. Recovery brought me there.

Good for you for not responding and blocking him. It will get easier to do whether he persists or not.

Alice

tchappy

I believe it ends when they find their next codie. Or I also think they eventually stop once they realize they can't get anymore from you.

Once mine realized I was finally done and had nothing more to offer him he stopped. Once he realized that he could not control me anymore and I did not believe his games or lies anymore and that I was basically not playing the game anymore he moved on.

I am very thankful that I am out of that crazy making situation and moved on to a better life.

Lilly Burn

A year or thereabouts.. he still manages to tell me hes back in the country etc through my solicitor but she knows...he used to try me then my sister via email...he rang a bit in the beginning but never ever got an answer...i still dont answer my phone til i know who it is....he needs to be able to manipulate anyway, harder by phone. everytime he contacted me, the reason was different even when topics had been really important, he just never re-addressed them, tried something different. believe me the moment you contact you open the flood gates, your vulnerable,theres a reason everyone says no contact...it saves you so much grief......ive changed my emails so many times my friends complained but not that much...friends..stay no contact, dont be tempted...of course my stbexah likes to think its because im so distressed that i dont talk to him, after a year and a half i would hope he would know better, but he has a large ego....anyway im not going to put him right...let sleeping dogs lie..Lillyx

NYC_Chick

Mine gave up after a year BUT I was very commited to no contact. I did not give him a foot in the door by telling him it was over. You inadvertently invited him back in with just an ounce of contact. STOP! Hugs!