Start of a possibly healthy relationship...

Old 07-14-2010, 02:54 PM
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Start of a possibly healthy relationship...

I tried to find my other thread, but I think it was lost in the server crash...

So I just wanted to post a short update on how it's going with my new guy.

I know many of you here advised me to run for the hills after discovering that he is a Recovering Alcoholic/Addict and has been clean/sober for 14 months now. I really thought long and hard if I wanted to do this. Would it be worth the possible turmoil it will add to my life? Would it be worth the risk? Both to him and to me?

I decided it would be. So we have been "dating" for a little over a month now, and all seems to be going very well. We talk about everything... he really surprises me with his attitude towards honesty, and tells me EVERYTHING that he is thinking LOL! I am not sure if I mentioned this before, but he is also almost 21 years older than me... which also added another dimension of confusion to the situation, but so far that really hasn't been an issue. We really do seem very compatible in almost every regard.

He is very open about his past and says I can feel free to ask him anything. He was absolutely elated when I told him I had gone to an Al-anon meeting and he really encouraged me to keep going if I wanted to. He got me a copy of the Narcotics Anonymous book which I am currently reading.

I truly think that since we are both coming into this from a position of knowing about him and where he is at in his recovery that it can only be a positive thing. My earlier fears that I wouldn't ever want to be the cause of his relapse have been somewhat eased when he told me that even if we broke up right now he has been given the tools to be able to handle it. He even said that he was drawn to me from the first moment he saw me in the kitchen over a year ago, and when he finally started letting me know it (around Oct/Nov of last year - AFTER he had graduated the recovery program) and I initially brushed him off repeatedly, he said his old self would have just said well screw her, I don't need this, if she doesn't like me then I'm just going to move on. Instead he was really patient and waited until I reciprocated. He says now that it was definitely worth the wait LOL!

I am also glad we waited until now to start any type of a relationship, and I told him that as well... any sooner and it likely wouldn't have worked.

Anyway I just thought I would post and share that hopefully this thing will actually work out well in the long run. I will keep you posted periodically on how things are going...

Big Hugs,
T
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Old 07-14-2010, 06:59 PM
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Anyway I just thought I would post and share that hopefully this thing will actually work out well in the long run. I will keep you posted periodically on how things are going...

Big Hugs,
T

Best Wishes to both of you Tatertot.
I am glad it is working out.

Beth
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Old 07-14-2010, 07:17 PM
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I love Tatertots.

You sound like you have a good grasp of the situation, and all you can do is take it one day at a time.
I think it sounds great, and it is true that people do turn their lives around with hard work. If he's willing to do it, then he deserves happiness too. I hope he continues to be open and honest with you....good signs.
Wish you both the best and hope it works out!
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Old 07-15-2010, 09:44 AM
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Thanks both of you!

Sometimes it's just nice to spread a little cheer around here and post some good news!

Thanks for the encouragement... and I definitely agree that anyone who is willing to turn their lives around and put in the hard work to maintain a clean/sober life is definitely worthy of some love and happiness in their lives!
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Old 07-15-2010, 09:45 AM
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PS... oddly enough I love Tatertots too
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Old 09-13-2010, 04:23 PM
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Anyway, quick update here...

It is now mid-September and we have been dating for about 3 months now. Everything is still going very, very well. I must say it is so very refreshing to have someone who is so completely willing to talk about anything and everything so honestly! We have had maybe 2 little "disagreements" but we talked about them immediately and discussed our feelings about it and realized that they were just misunderstandings and we cleared the air right away. Again... so refreshing

He is still just as dedicated to his continued recovery and has passed the 16 month mark on his journey. He still goes to 2 different AA meetings every week along with 2 different Bible Studies. I am still attending my 1 Al-anon meeting every week.

We have even gone on a short weekend trip away together and managed to get along very well the entire time and even have huge amounts of FUN along the way (I took him zip-lining for the first time in his life... it was a huge thrill for him!)

The one... downside, sort-of... is that I have had to suspend my volunteering for the time being. Once the shelter/recovery center found out that we were dating (we weren't trying to hide it at all, we just weren't making any public announcements either...) I was asked to step back for a few months as are all volunteers who have family or loved ones going through treatment (granted he wasn't exactly actively going through treatment, but they still wanted to set the example that it is not a good idea to date volunteers, which I totally and completely agree with). So I am able to go back in November and the volunteer co-ordinator has assured me that this in no way impacts my impeccable record with the shelter over the past 6.5 years. She also said that she has enjoyed watching me act in a "friendly and appropriate manner with the guys" over the years. So I am happy about that.

Anyway long story short is I hope that this will be just the beginning of what could be a long term, happy relationship for us both.

Wishing all of you health and happiness as well...

T
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Old 09-13-2010, 04:32 PM
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Great, I am happy for you!
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Old 09-13-2010, 05:33 PM
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I always think about Ron "Tatersalad" White, and his little boy. Good luck.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
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Old 09-13-2010, 07:34 PM
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Wow, glad it is going so well for you Tater. Sounds like you are doing everything you should be doing. I've heard that the honesty is part of their growth process in recovery meaning they have to continue to live by the AA principles. Sounds like you guy has taken all this to heart.

I was pretty hopeful with the person I started a relationship with earlier this year but he has relapsed It has been a hard road and I was so optimistic but he didn't have the amount of recovery your guy does so I wish you both blessings and well wishes!!
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Old 09-13-2010, 10:50 PM
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Do you know what? I find people with solid recovery some of the most refreshing, honest and great people to be around!
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Old 02-13-2012, 10:26 AM
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Happy Update!

UPDATE!

Lol.. ok I guess I'm long overdue for an update, but here it is...

After almost 2 years of dating (and thank all of you for being here helping me through it from the beginning) we are still going very strong!

In fact we have even discussed the possibility of eventual marriage as well as starting a family (if we can). So things are definitely looking positive for us!

We have still maintained an attitude of honesty above all and we always tell each other everything about how we're feeling and what we're thinking. He is still living in his sober-living bachelor pad and is still very involved at the mission/shelter where he is an active member of the alumni. He is unfortunately at the point where he has to turn down sponsees because he knows his limits and realizes he can't take on any more (He has 4 already... two quite low maintenance and two that require a little more time from him). But the positive aspect of that is that he really is a role model to others by the way he lives his life.

I am still also volunteering there however I have decided to move out of the kitchen environment and I am now volunteering with the Outreach department. It is a lot more hands on with the homeless/street line. It's actually pretty fun and is much more worthwhile to me. I love it there.

Anyway other than a few minor bumps along the road (which you can probably read about in some of my other threads) this has still been the most honest, loving, caring, and passionate relationship I've ever had. It's been an amazing journey thus far and I'm looking forward to spending many, many more years with this amazing man.

Recovery can and does work! And once again thank you for your heartfelt and truthful replies and for your honest caring. This community is amazing

Hugs to all,

T
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Old 02-13-2012, 10:58 AM
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I am so pleased for you. It is lovely to hear such good news. All the best to both of you.
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Old 02-13-2012, 11:34 AM
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I really appreciate your updates so thank you! I'm happy for you that things are going so well.
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