Learn2Live

WHO KNEW he was like that? I kept thinking, "I bet his ex-wife and all his 12+ kids know he is like that." It just goes to show you, it doesn't matter how much money and fame a person has, they can still be a dangerous a$$hole. I read an article that provided transcript of some of the conversations and threats, and no doubt that was SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS and SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT at their very worse. That dude's either got some SEVERE psychological issues or he's abusing plenty of substances. Or both. Good for Oksana for having the courage to give the tapes to someone who would help her put an end to this. I hope she has gotten to a place where she is physically safe.

sojourner

What drugs and alcohol does to a person is so ugly. Just because it's so public and just because it's coming from a well-known actor does not make it any more of an occasion to judge the man. Addiction/drugs/alcohol destroy the brain. While the woman who is the target of this needs to deal with it maturely, I'm not sure that she needed to make it available for the public to hear any more than I need to make my AS's rantings public. Unless i'm missing something.

tjp613

No, I don't think she NEEDED to make it public, but I think she was within her rights to do so. He gave up his right to fair treatment when he hit her in the mouth, threatened to bury her in the rose garden and to hit her in the head with a baseball bat.

sojourner

We all have rights we do not need to exercise. I question this woman's motive in making it public. Was it to help him, help her, hurt him, hurt her? I suspect she thought it was a combination of hurting him and helping her.

In the end, she is just as caught up in the drama of it and no one has been helped at all. If I got on here and said I wanted to make my AS's shenanigans public, everyone here, while showing compassion for my deep emotions, would encourage me to find an Alanon meeting and get help for myself which in turn would be the best help I could give my AS. And so with this woman and Mel Gibson.

Learn2Live

Now that the people who pay his bills (the movie-watching public) KNOW what he is doing, perhaps NOW he will think twice before busting out her teeth or threatening to kill her just because he "can do that" (in his own words). If there was some crazy man hitting me and threatening me, I would tell EVERYONE I possibly could to get it to stop.

Jenny1232

Is this any different then the woman who went on Oprah, along with the Author of "The Gift of Fear", to tell the story of how her husband nearly killed her, stuffing her in a trash can filled with snow, in a storage facility miles away from home?

I think what she did was brave, and it can help other troubled, abused women find the courage to come forward with the abuse.

sojourner

I don't know the details of the woman on Oprah.

In the end, what these two women need is their own recovery program. Going public without actually moving forward into a recovery program is only being a part of the ongoing problem and is the stuff of Jerry Springer.

I believe the woman on Oprah did get help with counseling, etc. Her writing the book and being on Oprah happened a long time after her own personal recovery was underway. Her motive was not to "out" or "shame" her ex-husband but to speak to other woman about finding their own recovery.

But I have red flags about the motivation of this woman with Mel Gibson.

Jenny1232

Who is to say they haven't gone forward into a program though? Maybe this is their first step...

sojourner

Time will tell if the woman with Mel Gibson is starting a personal recovery program by feeding the gossip mill with very juicy stuff.

Jenny1232

I completely see where you are coming from. I honestly though, don't see what she did as wrong. I believe as an abused woman, you should be able to come clean, to any and everyone, if that's what so helps you. Maybe she was seeking validation? We'll never know her reasons for doing so, but it very well could be for the right reason.

When my ex and I were 'breaking' up... I sought out all his ex girlfriends for a shred of insight into this maniac, to see that I wasn't 'crazy' as he lead me to believe. I think if she's putting it out there, it's making it very real...

Just my thoughts.

Jazzman

The sad thing is this, all he has to do is make a public apology and say he has a problem and he will be checking into a treatment center. Heck he could have a publicist say that. Next thing you know all the tabloid TV talk shows will have him being the victim of an abusive childhood and the general public will forgive him for going to the celebrity rehab du jour.

Tally

I feel she has every right to tell whoever she wants if it does anything to protect her. The reason abuse carries on is because of shame and fear and everyone thinking "he's such a nice guy". Isolation and control.

My Mum was severely beaten and tortured emotionally, physically and sexually by her first husband. He raped her. He killed her dog because she paid it attention. He tied her naked to a chair in winter and kept her there for days and would beat her if she fell asleep. He beat her so badly when she was 6 months pregnant that she went into premature labour and her twins where stillborn. He broke her arm with an iron bar and wouldn't let her go to the hospital for two weeks. He cut her hair off on one side of her head and made her wear it like that for weeks to humiliate her. She was a model, he was a psychopath and he got away with it for so long because she was terrified and didn't dare tell anyone for fear he would kill her. She was 17 years old and her parents thought he was wonderful. When she left him she ran away in the middle of the night and went into hiding for six months.

Abuse continues because people are afraid to speak out. If I was her I would scream it from the f**king roof tops. A punch in the face is just the beginning.

Learn2Live

Wow Tally, thank you for the share about your Mom. I hope she was able to recover from that relationship and go on to live a good life.

sandrawg

I TOTALLY agree with Jenny and Tally.

I had an abusive bf who yelled and screamed at me like he did to her. I did a consultation w/this therapist and writer, Pat Evans, who writes a lot about verbal abuse. She said that had I stayed in the rel'ship, he would've eventually gotten physical. I have no doubt he would have.

Mel actually HAS gotten physical with her, and even admits it on one of the tapes. He tells her "she deserved it."

NO ONE deserves to be hit! The woman had a baby in her hand, for goodness sake.

I don't care what her motives are...it's obvious this guy is an out of control abuser. Hopefully these tapes will help her case, and the judge will force him into treatment, both for his alcoholism and his abusive tendencies.

sojourner

Making this conversation available to the public is not an indication that she is ready to get out of it. To the contrary, I see red flags that this is part of the cycle of abuse.

If she were ready to get out of the cycle and get some help, she would have made phone calls for a counselor, police report, etc. - not making arrangements to get the conversation to the public. Making this phone call available to the public is not necessary in order to build a case against him in court.

Maybe this event is a dealbreaker for her, maybe not. Maybe Mel will hit some kind of wall and get some help. But this is not the best way for this woman to handle this situation. Having said that, all roads hopefully lead to Rome; and if these events lead her, him, or both of them into recovery then it will have turned out to be a great blessing.

Kittyboo

This whole thing makes me sick. (Not this thread, but the situation)

Sojourner, though I believe you have good points....we honestly have NO IDEA what steps she has taken in her life to protect herself. We know what the media reports and that's about it.

I am now seeing reports from a man speaking out against HER. Saying that she's a gold digger and dates celebrities and knows how to get money....
SO WHAT??????
These tapes speak for themselves. I don't care what she does.... Mel Gibson is clearly phsyically and mentally abusive... threatening to hurt himself or her and it will be "HER FAULT because she drove him to it...."
Are you kidding me????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!
These tapes say it all.

Kittyboo

And I also feel that a part of these tapes being "leaked" is motivated by self-preservation....
psychologically one can think that the more people who know that they are being threatened, the less likely something will actually happen. People who abuse don't typically want everyone to know they are an abuser. The last thing that he would want now is for something to physically happen to her...why? Because then he is the one to blame.
The motivation may not be right, but it makes sense. And it's a theory.

ItsmeAlice

Celebrities and public officials of all people know that what they do and say to others can become fodder for public consumption in the click of a mouse. A valid case for why so many have privacy clauses in their employment contracts and even in prenuptual agreements, which gives them the right to sue if their personal affairs are leaked to the press.

My X's strongest supporters were his family. I would have loved to have had a recording of him at his worst to present to them. (not that it would have mattered, I understand the power of denial now) Maybe I wouldn't have feared backlash from them for leaving him if I had that in my pocket to argue my case. I can't imagine how I would have felt if he was known and beloved by millions and those same staunch supporters were ready to advocate against me for leaving him. I'd be splashing his abuse on the front page if I was afraid someone would lash out at me. There are some crazy folks out there who would drag her down for lovin' and leavin' their favorite actor.

Just my thought on it.

I don't have pity for someone who should darn well know better and Mel knows better, I'm certain.

Alice

Jenny1232

This actually reminded me of the story I read here.. from Jadmack, maybe? about how she WITNESSED a baby killed, from a single blow, DIRECTED at the mother. Mel could have easily missed, and hit and killed this child. He is DANGEROUS.

and this, I have to disagree from a personal standpoint. I was ready to leave my xabf for a long, long time - I just never found the courage. I even put him on speakphone during a fit, where my mother heard him screaming at me to get down on my knees and beg for him (she'd NEVER seen this side of him). Did I leave? Nope. I was too scared to be alone, I was too weak... he'd beat down my self-worth, I didn't know how to live on my own without him.

Who is to say this woman doesn't feel the same way? Maybe she isn't strong enough, and she needs the support and vaildation from everyone. Lots of women stay in abusive relationships, and many don't leave, until they are murdered. If it were that simple, we wouldn't have a problem with domestic violence cases. These men are extremely manipulative and know how to 'keep' you... Even if she's ready, maybe she's not mentally ready.

Also, making it public might not have been a way to build a case - just simple validation like I said before. The more people that know, the more embarrassment she feels staying with him - the easier it will be to talk away.

Again, we'll never know the entire truth behind this story.

steve11694

AMEN....

Alcoholics should certainly feel the consequences as it may lead to sobriety.

We should crucify and hate Mel as much as we do the alcoholics in our own lives. Detach with love, boundaries.

His movies remain good. What alcohol does to his brain certainly very sad.

If I watch one of his movies I perhaps will be saddened if I remember the "audio tape"