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TODAY is the DAY...

Old 07-12-2010, 07:10 AM
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TODAY is the DAY...

Today is the day I decided that no matter what the consequences, I can not stay in this relationship 1 second longer! My AH woke up this morning and said you are never going to change are you? He told me I was cold toward him (this part is true). He got angry....and started his usual tyrade of how I am a B, I am a "hooker", how I must be cheating, he kept invading my space and touching my arm, telling me we're married so I am his as I asked him to please stop. Then............he turned to my daughter eating her breakfast in her high chair and starting spewing nasty things about me to her. This was it for me. Divorce is never pretty.....but this marriage is UGLY! So I told him that we need to time apart and decide what we want for our future. I already know what I want, but I am NOT prepared for the ourburst that will cause yet.....but I AM DONE WITH THIS!!!!!!
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Old 07-12-2010, 07:40 AM
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Glad to hear it, but the most important thing is to make sure you and your children are safe. If you fear that he might become violent, please don't be alone with him when you tell him. Make sure you have at least one other person (preferably a large male) with you. Do not leave him alone with your children. This may all sound like over reaction, but trust me, when they see their world falling apart and feel the loss of control, they can become quite volatile.
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Old 07-12-2010, 07:44 AM
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Just do it one minute at a time. Mike, DesertEyes, reminded me recently that as long as I'm thinking I have to get away and stay away forever from my AH, it will make me afraid. Afraid that I can't do it.

But the minute I start living in the present moment, something magical happens. I only have to do this right now. That empowers me, makes me feel hope actually.

I'm thrilled to hear this from you. I can't remember if you've already talked to a domestic violence shelter? What you write about this man pegs him squarely as an abuser, and a scary one that might seriously hurt you or your daughter when you leave.

Have you started gathering important documents? Secretly packing so you can flee at a moments notice? Or better yet, disappear in the night perhaps, with the car, while he's passed out? Or during the day while he's at work?
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Old 07-12-2010, 07:48 AM
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Good for you! Stay strong, take one day at a time and plan your escape - peace and happiness for you and your daughter awaits.

he turned to my daughter eating her breakfast in her high chair and starting spewing nasty things about me to her
Do these men know no bounds!

I have just posted a very similar thread this evening whereby my AH was verbally abusive to me and our 19yr old daughter. I was gobsmacked and couldn't believe how low he could go. I have put up with it for 22 years but to attack our 19yr old (again) and discuss our lack of sex life in front of her, he has completely lost the plot. I am done with this too!
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Old 07-12-2010, 07:53 AM
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I came across the following website yesterday evening - How to leave your husband in 10 steps.
Google Answers: divorce, related to being married to an alcoholic and me being a wuss!
Although it is a bit extreme in nature, it does have some useful suggestions which you may find helpful.
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Old 07-12-2010, 08:31 AM
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Man, that is the most complete "How to leave your abusive husband" post I've ever seen. It's fantastic! Thanks for posting it.
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Old 07-12-2010, 08:46 AM
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Good for you mentally! You and your child do not deserve this toxicity in your lives!
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Old 07-12-2010, 08:51 AM
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Thank you all for your support.....single mother w/ six children....sounds alittle scary still....but I did it with 4 before...I can do this!
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Old 07-12-2010, 08:54 AM
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Thats amazing stuff about how to leave. I printed it and will keep for my list of things to do. you are not alone there menatllyexh
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Old 07-12-2010, 10:38 AM
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ME good for you. The moment M began focusing her anger in the direction of my own children was the last straw for me. Something in me snapped and she went right to the bottom of my priorities.

BTW that how to leave list has been here before, great to see it put to good use again.
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Old 07-12-2010, 12:35 PM
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Yes, you can do it. Keep believing in yourself and you will make it!
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Old 07-12-2010, 12:52 PM
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You go, ME! We are here for you! I do recommend going somewhere away from him where you can think clearly without his nasty behavior in your face all the time.
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Old 07-12-2010, 01:24 PM
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I've wanted to read this post from you for a while. Be safe, be strong.
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Old 07-12-2010, 08:45 PM
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Really, how bloody dumbo can a drunk get? Being offensive at a 19 month old child....duh!
Of course she understood every foul word he used, I don't think, so what an exercise in futility....but then expecting intelligent behavior from him is rather futile.

I am relieved you are through with this abusive and harrowing existence for you and your kids, and join all here in prayers and best wishes for a peaceful and wonderful life away from him.

God bless
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Old 07-12-2010, 08:50 PM
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Thanks again for all of your well wishes....Jazzman - yes, something changes when that anger and hatred is directed at an innocent child....somehow I saw how difficult it would be in the future with him in her face all the time degrading her....and I know that I don't want that for her...or for me quite frankly. I am going to just take it day by day for now...but I feel VERY VERY VERY steadfast in my decision that this is the way it has to be.
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Old 07-12-2010, 10:07 PM
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stbxah did the same to our kids and that was the day life became crystal clear to me. Once I decided I would no longer take his abuse he needed a new target. That is when I read the post on how to leave and started to make my plan. I was so thankful for that post because I was overwhelmed. It helped me focus on what was important. There was no way I was going to let him start his garbage with our sons.
I am happy to read your post. Be safe--it is scary when you leave--predictable or not, some times I would try to convince myself that he would not hurt me or the kids. I am happy I did not stick around to find out.
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Old 07-13-2010, 02:57 AM
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Someone really smart on SR, I think it was LTD, once told me, all you need to do is the next right thing.
No more, no less.
I wish you well.
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Old 07-13-2010, 09:32 AM
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hi mentally exh-

once i had decided to leave, i was a bit overwhelmed. someone here recommended that i make a list of what needed to be done (and keep it in my possession) so that i could tick off things and focus myself. it was very helpful. when i ran into issues or problems with accomplishing things on my list, i would post my issue here and someone always had some good ideas i could implement.

some days, i was so exhausted with it all i couldn't move. then, i would look at my list and summon up the energy to do the next thing on the list. i remember dragging myself to the homeless office one day, which was next on the list. once i got there, i felt much better as at least i was moving in a good direction.

if it wasn't on the list, i might have just laid down in my bed.

sometimes, i'd run into something on my list and in my head, i had already figured out how it wasn't possible with no funds. then, i would post here all my reasons why something was impossible, yet, someone here would come up with something i hadn't considered.

i learned that there isn't one or two solutions to a problem, there are one hundred! all of these good minds here working together to help each other creates openings and opportunities.

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Old 07-13-2010, 11:29 AM
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Hugs, mentallyexh. Hang in there.
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