TODAY is the DAY...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 347
TODAY is the DAY...
Today is the day I decided that no matter what the consequences, I can not stay in this relationship 1 second longer! My AH woke up this morning and said you are never going to change are you? He told me I was cold toward him (this part is true). He got angry....and started his usual tyrade of how I am a B, I am a "hooker", how I must be cheating, he kept invading my space and touching my arm, telling me we're married so I am his as I asked him to please stop. Then............he turned to my daughter eating her breakfast in her high chair and starting spewing nasty things about me to her. This was it for me. Divorce is never pretty.....but this marriage is UGLY! So I told him that we need to time apart and decide what we want for our future. I already know what I want, but I am NOT prepared for the ourburst that will cause yet.....but I AM DONE WITH THIS!!!!!!
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,866
Glad to hear it, but the most important thing is to make sure you and your children are safe. If you fear that he might become violent, please don't be alone with him when you tell him. Make sure you have at least one other person (preferably a large male) with you. Do not leave him alone with your children. This may all sound like over reaction, but trust me, when they see their world falling apart and feel the loss of control, they can become quite volatile.
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Just do it one minute at a time. Mike, DesertEyes, reminded me recently that as long as I'm thinking I have to get away and stay away forever from my AH, it will make me afraid. Afraid that I can't do it.
But the minute I start living in the present moment, something magical happens. I only have to do this right now. That empowers me, makes me feel hope actually.
I'm thrilled to hear this from you. I can't remember if you've already talked to a domestic violence shelter? What you write about this man pegs him squarely as an abuser, and a scary one that might seriously hurt you or your daughter when you leave.
Have you started gathering important documents? Secretly packing so you can flee at a moments notice? Or better yet, disappear in the night perhaps, with the car, while he's passed out? Or during the day while he's at work?
But the minute I start living in the present moment, something magical happens. I only have to do this right now. That empowers me, makes me feel hope actually.
I'm thrilled to hear this from you. I can't remember if you've already talked to a domestic violence shelter? What you write about this man pegs him squarely as an abuser, and a scary one that might seriously hurt you or your daughter when you leave.
Have you started gathering important documents? Secretly packing so you can flee at a moments notice? Or better yet, disappear in the night perhaps, with the car, while he's passed out? Or during the day while he's at work?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 436
Good for you! Stay strong, take one day at a time and plan your escape - peace and happiness for you and your daughter awaits.
Do these men know no bounds!
I have just posted a very similar thread this evening whereby my AH was verbally abusive to me and our 19yr old daughter. I was gobsmacked and couldn't believe how low he could go. I have put up with it for 22 years but to attack our 19yr old (again) and discuss our lack of sex life in front of her, he has completely lost the plot. I am done with this too!
he turned to my daughter eating her breakfast in her high chair and starting spewing nasty things about me to her
I have just posted a very similar thread this evening whereby my AH was verbally abusive to me and our 19yr old daughter. I was gobsmacked and couldn't believe how low he could go. I have put up with it for 22 years but to attack our 19yr old (again) and discuss our lack of sex life in front of her, he has completely lost the plot. I am done with this too!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 436
I came across the following website yesterday evening - How to leave your husband in 10 steps.
Google Answers: divorce, related to being married to an alcoholic and me being a wuss!
Although it is a bit extreme in nature, it does have some useful suggestions which you may find helpful.
Google Answers: divorce, related to being married to an alcoholic and me being a wuss!
Although it is a bit extreme in nature, it does have some useful suggestions which you may find helpful.
Occasional poor taste poster
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,542
ME good for you. The moment M began focusing her anger in the direction of my own children was the last straw for me. Something in me snapped and she went right to the bottom of my priorities.
BTW that how to leave list has been here before, great to see it put to good use again.
BTW that how to leave list has been here before, great to see it put to good use again.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Really, how bloody dumbo can a drunk get? Being offensive at a 19 month old child....duh!
Of course she understood every foul word he used, I don't think, so what an exercise in futility....but then expecting intelligent behavior from him is rather futile.
I am relieved you are through with this abusive and harrowing existence for you and your kids, and join all here in prayers and best wishes for a peaceful and wonderful life away from him.
God bless
Of course she understood every foul word he used, I don't think, so what an exercise in futility....but then expecting intelligent behavior from him is rather futile.
I am relieved you are through with this abusive and harrowing existence for you and your kids, and join all here in prayers and best wishes for a peaceful and wonderful life away from him.
God bless
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 347
Thanks again for all of your well wishes....Jazzman - yes, something changes when that anger and hatred is directed at an innocent child....somehow I saw how difficult it would be in the future with him in her face all the time degrading her....and I know that I don't want that for her...or for me quite frankly. I am going to just take it day by day for now...but I feel VERY VERY VERY steadfast in my decision that this is the way it has to be.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
stbxah did the same to our kids and that was the day life became crystal clear to me. Once I decided I would no longer take his abuse he needed a new target. That is when I read the post on how to leave and started to make my plan. I was so thankful for that post because I was overwhelmed. It helped me focus on what was important. There was no way I was going to let him start his garbage with our sons.
I am happy to read your post. Be safe--it is scary when you leave--predictable or not, some times I would try to convince myself that he would not hurt me or the kids. I am happy I did not stick around to find out.
I am happy to read your post. Be safe--it is scary when you leave--predictable or not, some times I would try to convince myself that he would not hurt me or the kids. I am happy I did not stick around to find out.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
hi mentally exh-
once i had decided to leave, i was a bit overwhelmed. someone here recommended that i make a list of what needed to be done (and keep it in my possession) so that i could tick off things and focus myself. it was very helpful. when i ran into issues or problems with accomplishing things on my list, i would post my issue here and someone always had some good ideas i could implement.
some days, i was so exhausted with it all i couldn't move. then, i would look at my list and summon up the energy to do the next thing on the list. i remember dragging myself to the homeless office one day, which was next on the list. once i got there, i felt much better as at least i was moving in a good direction.
if it wasn't on the list, i might have just laid down in my bed.
sometimes, i'd run into something on my list and in my head, i had already figured out how it wasn't possible with no funds. then, i would post here all my reasons why something was impossible, yet, someone here would come up with something i hadn't considered.
i learned that there isn't one or two solutions to a problem, there are one hundred! all of these good minds here working together to help each other creates openings and opportunities.
naive
once i had decided to leave, i was a bit overwhelmed. someone here recommended that i make a list of what needed to be done (and keep it in my possession) so that i could tick off things and focus myself. it was very helpful. when i ran into issues or problems with accomplishing things on my list, i would post my issue here and someone always had some good ideas i could implement.
some days, i was so exhausted with it all i couldn't move. then, i would look at my list and summon up the energy to do the next thing on the list. i remember dragging myself to the homeless office one day, which was next on the list. once i got there, i felt much better as at least i was moving in a good direction.
if it wasn't on the list, i might have just laid down in my bed.
sometimes, i'd run into something on my list and in my head, i had already figured out how it wasn't possible with no funds. then, i would post here all my reasons why something was impossible, yet, someone here would come up with something i hadn't considered.
i learned that there isn't one or two solutions to a problem, there are one hundred! all of these good minds here working together to help each other creates openings and opportunities.
naive
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