So Frustrated
 

I work with a young girl (30ish) who has confided in me that she thinks she has a drinking problem. She can't stop drinking when she starts and has the shakes when she stops. She has increasingly become more and more beligerent at work. Everything at work upsets her. She used to have a sense of humor and that has been sadly lacking for a long time. Unfortunately, her anger has now become directed at me. She sees insults that don't exist. I am concerned about her but don't know what to do. I would hate to see her lose her job because of her behavior but at the same time working with her is miserable. She is uncooperatice, argumentative, complains about everything, etc. She is underwater financially but doesn't do anything to fix the situation. I wonder if it is because she would have to stop drinking in the evenings to look for a higher paying job.

My question is, how do I remain compassionate and yet at the same time not be a victim of her tirades and irrational behavior?

I read over some of your other posts concerning this co-worker. It appears that her condition is not improving. Alcoholism is progressive. It will get worse.

I recommend you take steps to detach from your co-worker. There are some excellent posts in our stickies (permanent posts at the top of this forum) on the subject of detachment. There are also some posts on setting boundaries to protect yourself from someone else's addiction.

You can offer your co-worker the number for AA.
You can offer your co-worker the location for AA meetings.
You can offer your co-worker the schedule for AA meetings.

The rest is up to your co-worker.

Well if she reached out then maybe just help her with info. Does the company provide insurance and if so they often offer a few weeks in rehab.

I would add to Pelicans answer and offer to drive her there. Maybe attend an open meeting with her IF you would like. I say attend meaning supporting her in a time when she needs a friend.

If you aren't that close then a printed out AA list and an offer to give her a ride. Even strangers help out people in need..

AG

I think if I gave her AA literature she will shoot me. I don't know why I have become the focus of her agression but I have. I did begin to distance myself from her at work (we were work buddies) because she was loudly swearing about her effing boss and I can't be associated with that type of behavior. I didn't want someone seeing her behavior and thinking that I condoned her recent behavioral changes in the office. I care for her, yet at the same time have to protect my job and income. I would also like to see that she gets help but realize that there is little that I can do. She has to help herself. She is becoming increasingly hostile towards me and I know I should go to management about it but ... I don't want to feel responsible if she loses her job. Unfortunately, it is a small office and there are times when I have to discuss office related issues. She looks like she is ready to explode every time I am near her.

Maybe it will take being fired, and her being officially told she is out of order, and her attitude and remarks etc, are not acceptable in the workplace, to get her to go for help.

I suppose she is capable of using a phone to contact AA, and all that is needed is the willingness to do so.

It is her life, her problem and her choice, so it is up to her to get help, not bleat about her " I think I may have a drinking problem" to you.....you are not AA or a rehab.

I would avoid her or if desperate, go see management......she is there to work, not terrorise you all.

God bless

I am doing my best to avoid her. I love my job but there are times when the tension she creates is enough to make me consider working elsewhere. If she does anything else hostile towards me, I will document th incident and go to management. I (and this is sometimes an unfortunate thing) see good in everyone. I would make a terrible juror as I give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I sincerely wish that there was some way that I could help her but being involved in her misery only makes me miserable. I do like the idea of giving her AA literature. Does anyone have any ideas how this might be done anonomously?

Sometimes it helps me to break things down. I take simple equations and add all kinds of complicating factors and breaking it down helps me.

Problem: You a have a co-worker that is making the work environment unbearable.

Solution: Step one - Try to handle the problem yourself - check. You've done that.
Step two - Go to management with your concern.

Simple equation.

I understand the complications but simple solutions are usually the only ones that work.

If she loses her job, that is her responsibility, not yours. Job loss would be a consequence of HER behavior, not yours.

RE: AA Literature. There are dozens of ways to get help if she wants it. Any half way cognizant person can find it in this day and age. She's hostile. I wouldn't worry about giving her anything personally.

You've tried being compassionate and she rejects the attempt. I say stop worrying about her situation and just do your job to the best of your ability. If she continues to be hostile, go to management. Why would you consider quitting your job just because she is being a jerk?

I'd also be setting some clear boundaries about what I'd consider acceptable behavior from her toward you. Drinking aside, you have the right to expect to be treated respectfully and professionally. If she, for whatever reason, cannot uphold this standard, you have the right to discuss it with her, her supervisor, and your supervisor.

Just because SHE has a drinking problem spiraling out of control doesn't mean YOUR life at work has to be miserable.

CLMI