I was caught red handed in two years of lies
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
This money is CHILD SUPPORT and was paid by your XH for benefit of his children, and you were only the legal agent for it. Your (I can barely call him this) husband, had nothing to do with it, and his taking it early on, (before you kept quiet about it) is stealing. He, not you, is the thief.
Thank God, you must have had an inner knowledge of trouble coming, and have taken some precautions just in case. Now finish the job.
Change accounts at your bank, even change banks if you must.
Have this ignorant, brutal bully charged on every count the cops can charge him with, and do not let him talk you round to letting him get away with his violent actions. Please point out to cops that you had to hide the support money as he had taken it before. Maybe he can be done for theft as well.
You supported the family financially as well as coping with caring for this mongrel, the children and the housework......did he do any housework as soon as he got home from work? SLAVERY HAS BEEN ABOLISHED.
The only error you made, was staying with him after he hit you and not leaving him to play his games on his own. You and your children are safe.
I am now in the right mood to tear down some old paling fence, by imagining it is this wacko I am pulling to bits. Wonderful therapy.
God bless
Thank God, you must have had an inner knowledge of trouble coming, and have taken some precautions just in case. Now finish the job.
Change accounts at your bank, even change banks if you must.
Have this ignorant, brutal bully charged on every count the cops can charge him with, and do not let him talk you round to letting him get away with his violent actions. Please point out to cops that you had to hide the support money as he had taken it before. Maybe he can be done for theft as well.
You supported the family financially as well as coping with caring for this mongrel, the children and the housework......did he do any housework as soon as he got home from work? SLAVERY HAS BEEN ABOLISHED.
The only error you made, was staying with him after he hit you and not leaving him to play his games on his own. You and your children are safe.
I am now in the right mood to tear down some old paling fence, by imagining it is this wacko I am pulling to bits. Wonderful therapy.
God bless
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
casey-
i am glad you are taking steps to take care of yourself. i lived in a physically abusive relationship and it's scary and exhausting.
i would like to address your lying about the money. it is a decision that i had to make also: to lie to xABF.
i feel that if your AH was paying for the support of your children, then he was indeed entitled to know about the money.
so, you lied. i lied too. i feel ok about lying, because i was trapped, tricked, and impoverished by my xABF. i had to lie to get enough money for food or to pay the bills.
i didn't lie in the beginning and it resulted in so many heated, volatile arguments with my xABF that i made a deliberate decision to lie and get out.
i feel ok about lying. i lied so i didn't get attacked by a big drunk man who wanted that 10 dollars for another drink. and it was my 10 dollars, but that didn't matter. i had to lie so that i could make my escape. it sounds asif that is what you have chosen to do also.
naive
i am glad you are taking steps to take care of yourself. i lived in a physically abusive relationship and it's scary and exhausting.
i would like to address your lying about the money. it is a decision that i had to make also: to lie to xABF.
i feel that if your AH was paying for the support of your children, then he was indeed entitled to know about the money.
so, you lied. i lied too. i feel ok about lying, because i was trapped, tricked, and impoverished by my xABF. i had to lie to get enough money for food or to pay the bills.
i didn't lie in the beginning and it resulted in so many heated, volatile arguments with my xABF that i made a deliberate decision to lie and get out.
i feel ok about lying. i lied so i didn't get attacked by a big drunk man who wanted that 10 dollars for another drink. and it was my 10 dollars, but that didn't matter. i had to lie so that i could make my escape. it sounds asif that is what you have chosen to do also.
naive
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 223
It's CHILD support, not step-father support.
I am a little concerned that he did all that horrible stuff to you, and yet, YOU are most concerned with lying. You've paid for whatever crime you feel you've committed. I am reassured at your resolve never to return. Go YOU!.
My X also wanted my CS. And he wanted my 18 year old who was still in HS to pay him money for rent. Even if I had decided to make my kid pay rent, the money would have gone to ME not to the X. I don't think kids who are still in school should have to pay rent to their parents. However, X has parents who abandoned him when he was 18 and stopped all financial support and left him on his own (although I don't think they ever required him to pay rent), so since his parents were neglectful and selfish to him, I guess he thought he had the right to be money-grubbing off my kid. I'm guessing he won't make his kids pay rent if they are still in school after 18.
He also got reduced hours/pay at work, and this caused a money crunch for him. But even though I was working 40 hours a week and he was only working 32, he seriously thought **I** should be the one to get a second job. He also thought he shouldn't have to pay for the lease on his car that was in my name. I was supposed to put the $300 a month on a credit card and go into debt so he could drive a convertible. When I suggested he put it on HIS credit card since he was the one driving it, he was outraged, and I took the car away from him. Well, he was never going to forgive me for that. I told him when he paid he could get it back. He tried to be an ass; well, if he couldn't drive it, then my 18 year old wasn't allowed to drive it; wrong, my car, I decide who drives it. My 18 year old drove it. Well, this was his house too, and he was going to forbid me to park a car he couldn't drive at our house. I just rolled my eyes. I was going to park my car where I lived and he could go eff himself. He backed off that pretty quick though when he realized he had TWO undrivable, nonfunctioning cars parked on my property and if I just might say he couldn't have those cars on the property either. It never crossed my mind. I wasn't going to pay any attention to his drunken demand I move my car anyway, and I figured it was just another one of those stupid drunken things he said that he wouldn't remember in the morning, so I was just going to ignore it.
These alkies are so effed up. And yet, they think they are so powerful, clever, and in control. And they are pitifully obviously effed up.
I am a little concerned that he did all that horrible stuff to you, and yet, YOU are most concerned with lying. You've paid for whatever crime you feel you've committed. I am reassured at your resolve never to return. Go YOU!.
My X also wanted my CS. And he wanted my 18 year old who was still in HS to pay him money for rent. Even if I had decided to make my kid pay rent, the money would have gone to ME not to the X. I don't think kids who are still in school should have to pay rent to their parents. However, X has parents who abandoned him when he was 18 and stopped all financial support and left him on his own (although I don't think they ever required him to pay rent), so since his parents were neglectful and selfish to him, I guess he thought he had the right to be money-grubbing off my kid. I'm guessing he won't make his kids pay rent if they are still in school after 18.
He also got reduced hours/pay at work, and this caused a money crunch for him. But even though I was working 40 hours a week and he was only working 32, he seriously thought **I** should be the one to get a second job. He also thought he shouldn't have to pay for the lease on his car that was in my name. I was supposed to put the $300 a month on a credit card and go into debt so he could drive a convertible. When I suggested he put it on HIS credit card since he was the one driving it, he was outraged, and I took the car away from him. Well, he was never going to forgive me for that. I told him when he paid he could get it back. He tried to be an ass; well, if he couldn't drive it, then my 18 year old wasn't allowed to drive it; wrong, my car, I decide who drives it. My 18 year old drove it. Well, this was his house too, and he was going to forbid me to park a car he couldn't drive at our house. I just rolled my eyes. I was going to park my car where I lived and he could go eff himself. He backed off that pretty quick though when he realized he had TWO undrivable, nonfunctioning cars parked on my property and if I just might say he couldn't have those cars on the property either. It never crossed my mind. I wasn't going to pay any attention to his drunken demand I move my car anyway, and I figured it was just another one of those stupid drunken things he said that he wouldn't remember in the morning, so I was just going to ignore it.
These alkies are so effed up. And yet, they think they are so powerful, clever, and in control. And they are pitifully obviously effed up.
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