get sucked into codie-fying?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Wild West, USA
Posts: 407
get sucked into codie-fying?
So, my aexh is getting around to dealing with his back taxes, under threat of wage garnishment. He needs the copies of my re-filed taxes in order to do his, his accountant says.
I emailed him a couple of weeks ago asking him if he wanted me to mail them or send copies to a secure fax. He did not reply.
This morning his girlfriend asked me to please talk to him about it, or give the copies directly to her. I responded that he was an adult and free to contact me at any time. According to her he has "a lot on his mind" and "doesn't want to bother me" but "it affects her too." Oh really, I thought... this is a man who's been on disability leave for a ligament injury for several months, and has had little to do but surf the net, according to dd. (K, if through some cosmically orchestrated coincidence you ever read this I apologize, but I sometimes need a 3rd party view regarding my former husband's non-coping skills, and I highly recommend this site.)
Honestly, I don't care. I'm obligated to deal with him; we have a child together. If he had taken me up on my offer of re-filing together I would have done that and it would have been no extra work for me. If he blows off dealing with his taxes, or doesn't want to talk with me, those are his choices and I'm fine with that too. I don't like interacting with her and I suspect the feeling is mutual, but as long as she's willing to do it, he'll cheerfully sit back and let her be responsible for ex-wifely communication.
Should I just shrug and give her the paperwork? Stand back and let him get in touch with me? Do nothing?
Oh, positive side note, I left this little chat (which involved more than the taxes) with my negative feelings about her considerably lightened. She doesn't deserve the stress that taking on my aexh's problems is bringing her... I'm not the person to point that out, though. The situation itself will teach her, when she's ready.
I emailed him a couple of weeks ago asking him if he wanted me to mail them or send copies to a secure fax. He did not reply.
This morning his girlfriend asked me to please talk to him about it, or give the copies directly to her. I responded that he was an adult and free to contact me at any time. According to her he has "a lot on his mind" and "doesn't want to bother me" but "it affects her too." Oh really, I thought... this is a man who's been on disability leave for a ligament injury for several months, and has had little to do but surf the net, according to dd. (K, if through some cosmically orchestrated coincidence you ever read this I apologize, but I sometimes need a 3rd party view regarding my former husband's non-coping skills, and I highly recommend this site.)
Honestly, I don't care. I'm obligated to deal with him; we have a child together. If he had taken me up on my offer of re-filing together I would have done that and it would have been no extra work for me. If he blows off dealing with his taxes, or doesn't want to talk with me, those are his choices and I'm fine with that too. I don't like interacting with her and I suspect the feeling is mutual, but as long as she's willing to do it, he'll cheerfully sit back and let her be responsible for ex-wifely communication.
Should I just shrug and give her the paperwork? Stand back and let him get in touch with me? Do nothing?
Oh, positive side note, I left this little chat (which involved more than the taxes) with my negative feelings about her considerably lightened. She doesn't deserve the stress that taking on my aexh's problems is bringing her... I'm not the person to point that out, though. The situation itself will teach her, when she's ready.
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
meh...I'd just sit back and do nothing. You already went way above and beyond by offering to mail him the copies. Now he can deal with his own crap and come running after you or your accountant, to get his paperwork in order(I say this as someone who did her XAH's taxes for years while he sat by, drinking beers).
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