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Being bullied by an alcoholic!!!!!!

Old 07-05-2010, 09:26 AM
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Being bullied by an alcoholic!!!!!!

Hey everyone....Hope everyone had a great weekend....Mine was mostly good, except for a few hours yesterday...I was planning on letting my son go to his dads house yesterday...His dad had him Friday night...If my son wants to go see his dad, I don't have a problem with that as long as he is sober. When he is drinking he doesnt try to be around anyway...Well, this was working just fine until yesterday...The kids and I spent the day fishing and swimming..My ex called and wanted to know what time he could pick up our son...Well there were cousins here and my son was having a great and he didn't want to go see his dad. So, I told my ex that if our son changed his mind that I would call him...

Well he got really angry...Left me nasty voicemails....Saying how selfish I was..And how I should have made our son go to his house..Earlier, I had told him he could come over and spend some time with the kids. The cousins that were here were his sisters kids, so it was his family too....But he chose to throw a fit about how unfair I was being to him.....The last voicemail I listened to said that he shouldn't have to deal with my attitude....So, I sent him a text message saying that we will go to court and they could decide his visitation....So, that's what I'm going to do tomorrow morning....

Was this the wrong thing to do? I want my son to spend time with his father, but he was being so mean and nasty....That's why I kicked him out...I don't want to have to deal with that anymore...Is that selfish of me? I only want the best for this child....I want to be fair...without feeling like a doormat
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Old 07-05-2010, 10:01 AM
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Well there were cousins here and my son was having a great and he didn't want to go see his dad. So, I told my ex that if our son changed his mind that I would call him...
Erica, in my experience it doesnt matter to the alcoholic what their children's feelings are and what they enjoy doing. He wants him now, he thinks you should do what he wants.

Saying how selfish I was..And how I should have made our son go to his house..Earlier, I had told him he could come over and spend some time with the kids. The cousins that were here were his sisters kids, so it was his family too
Ah, you tried a rational compromise. With a normal person this would be great. Sadly with a king baby alcoholic, he sees it as another one of your "evil" tactics to control time with "his" son. He responds with nasty emails and undeserved name calling.
You are not selfish, your alcoholic is the selfish one, and the one who sees his own son as property to be thrown from pole to post at his convenience.
stand your ground mama bear, go to court and get it in black and white, then you can end all foolish conversations with "read the schedule".

I want to add that I , too, was bullied like this. I was raised by an alcoholic father and then married an alcoholic. He found out quickly that if he got loud, I would immediately retreat. to me, loud meant danger, and i was unsafe. I later found out it was just his way of having a tantrum. A big baby.

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Old 07-05-2010, 10:07 AM
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In my opinion, this isn't about fair. This is about acting in your son's best interest.

Court-ordered visitation pretty well spells it out in black and white for a bullying alcoholic.

Kudos to you for letting your son continue to enjoy his day with his cousins!
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Old 07-05-2010, 01:22 PM
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You're not being selfish at all.

HE is the one being selfish.

Someone who was truly thinking of your son's benefit wouldn't have had a problem with your son enjoying the day with his family. And indeed, he always had the option to come over there and be with the whole family. I'm sure he knows, however, that he can't come there and get wasted.

For all you know he could've already been wasted and unable to drive.

Alcoholics don't have relationships; they take hostages. And I think a custody hearing is not a bad idea.
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Old 07-05-2010, 03:04 PM
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it would seem reasonable that if he wanted to see his son, he could have come on over and joined in. however, maybe he already had a drink and therefore couldn't drive. or, maybe he wanted to have some drinks, and felt uncomfortable doing it with you and/or his familly there. plus, if he had a few, how would he drive himself and son home?

i feel you did the right thing honoring your sons request to stay where he wished. it's not as if you excluded your ex from seeing his son.

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Old 07-05-2010, 04:47 PM
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I love that term "King Baby"...How fitting...

He probably wasn't drunk or drinking yesterday...He's a binger...Once or twice a week, but he wasn't all that hard to deal with when he was drinking...It was after that was hell.....So, I think that's what happened yesterday...The aftermath....I know he often does cocaine while he's out partying though...

At least he isnt coming home to my house anymore....Thats a wonderful thing. So, if the worst I have to deal with are some nasty voicemails...I can handle that....It's just sometimes hard to remember their skewed view of the world isn't how most people see things......King Baby....sums it up perfectly
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Old 07-05-2010, 06:36 PM
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Sounds like my XABF.

He used to do cocaine so he could stay up drinking later.

Yuk, gives me a stomachache just to think about that.

Originally Posted by Erica1972 View Post
I love that term "King Baby"...How fitting...

He probably wasn't drunk or drinking yesterday...He's a binger...Once or twice a week, but he wasn't all that hard to deal with when he was drinking...It was after that was hell.....So, I think that's what happened yesterday...The aftermath....I know he often does cocaine while he's out partying though...

At least he isnt coming home to my house anymore....Thats a wonderful thing. So, if the worst I have to deal with are some nasty voicemails...I can handle that....It's just sometimes hard to remember their skewed view of the world isn't how most people see things......King Baby....sums it up perfectly
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Old 07-07-2010, 08:00 AM
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"Alcoholics don't have relationships; they take hostages"

OMG!! i've never agreed more w/ anyone! what a terrific statement!
i've always told my husband i have my own private terrorist in the house.
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Old 07-07-2010, 10:18 AM
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I originally heard that saying on this very forum, and it REALLY stuck with me!!

Originally Posted by sodrained View Post
"Alcoholics don't have relationships; they take hostages"

OMG!! i've never agreed more w/ anyone! what a terrific statement!
i've always told my husband i have my own private terrorist in the house.
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