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How do I help her?

Old 07-05-2010, 09:17 AM
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How do I help her?

Hi all, new to Al Anon,
Long story Short.......my neice lives in another state very far from me. She is an Alcoholic and has attended AA and has fallen several times. (Currently)
I lost my Sister, (Her Mother) about 5 yrs ago to alcohol and want help to learn what to do to help her so I don't lose her. She has asked me for $$$ again, and I refuse to send directly, I want to help her Indirectly. Where do i start? I Love her dearly and need help please.
AuntieAngel
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Old 07-05-2010, 09:57 AM
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Welcome Auntie,
I think you are on the right track by not giving her money directly. That would be Enabling behavior.
In my experience, the BEST thing you can do for your niece (for any loved one for that matter) is to take the BEST care of YOURSELF as you can. Try not to focus on them and their problems, but focus on you and your life and behaviors. Make the healthiest decisions for you as you can. I strongly recommend learning as much as you can by reading and by attending Al-Anon.
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AuntieAngel (07-10-2010)
Old 07-05-2010, 11:52 AM
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Welcome to the SR family!

Do you have a local Alanon group for face to face support? I find that hour of calm at a meeting helps keep me grounded.

You are right that giving an active alcoholic money is never a good idea. Active alcoholics are masters of manipulation, deceit, drama, and denial.

By sending her money, you would be preventing her from experiencing the consequences of whatever drinking has caused lately. By helping her indirectly and paying her power bill or buying a grocery store gift card, you are still preventing her from experiencing her consequences.

Her poor choices = Her consequences.

Sometimes by trying to help the active alcoholic, we are getting in the way of them reaching their bottom and finally reaching out for real recovery from their addiction.

I know how it feels to have a loved one addicted to alcohol. You are not alone.

The three C's of addiction help me keep my perspective about where my responsibility ends:

I did not cause it
I can not control it
I will not cure it

Your neice has been to AA. She knows where to get real help when she is ready.
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Old 07-10-2010, 08:18 PM
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Helping my Neice

Thanks so much for responding to my post. Yes, I am sure we have Alanon groups here, but unfortunately, unable to attend right now. I just had back surgery and am recovering which has limited by outings temporarily. I will be contacting them and hopefully be able to go soon.
I appreciate your post and it has just confirmed what I am thinking about helping her, etc.
Again thanks,
AuntieAngel
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Old 07-10-2010, 08:35 PM
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I wish you a speedy recovery!

This is from one of our sticky (permanent) posts at the top of this forum:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html

Let us know how we can help you.
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