What a Weekend
 

I let my boundaries slip for the last time. The law is going to help me now. I was on vacation this weekend, and guess who showed up at my hotel room door. You guessed it, my AXBF. I still can't figure out how he got my room number... He's just so good at manipulation, he must have smooth talked the front desk or the concierge.

For some stupid reason, I let him in. He was drunk, he started yelling, then screaming. I took the ring that he had brought back to me, and threw it off of the balcony into the street. I then told him to leave, and never come back. Then he began to throw things and actually caused damage to my hotel room. I had security remove him from the premises, and he almost got thrown in jail for domestic abuse. To show you how sneaky he is when he is drunk, he actually talked the hotel manager and the police to let him go if he just paid for the damages! It amazes me how someone who is so thoughtless towards me, can put so much thought into getting out of a sticky situation.

Anyways, the restraining order I am getting today will definately help with the boundaries. It's my time to heal now, It's my time to move on.

I let mine in a time or 2 as well. He knew all the right things to say and do to push just the right vulnerable buttons for me. And you know, it was a BAD thing each time. I remember the last time, after the police took him away. I went to the bathroom mirror, looked at myself and said "OK, who in there opened that door???"

My counselor told me that was a good thing to ask: which part of myself was still so small, afraid, wounded etc that it would make a decision to let an unhealthy and dangerous person into my home. She recommended some good strong self-talk so that my stronger, healthier thoughts would have a louder voice. She also suggested putting yellow sticky notes by the places that were troublesome for me - in my case that was near the computer, near the phone and near the front door. I wrote notes to myself so I'd remember what to say when he called/emailed/texted or came by. Which he did, in violation of the protective order - because, like so many others, the rules just didn't apply to him.

I understand completely, and I strongly recommend you take steps to protect yourself. The man you love might be in there, somewhere, but until he gets help and LOTS of it, he's dangerous to you.