Friend's bf-need help ASAP!
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,103
Friend's bf-need help ASAP!
I posted this on the other forum, but I guess there are technical problems?
Hi, I'm not new here, but it's been a while since I've posted.
A friend of mine's alcoholic bf was all fired up to get into treatment the other day, but the treatment center could not accept him until Tuesday. He started going to meetings yesterday. Well, my friend told me today that now he's trying to claim his AA sponsor is talking him out of formal treatment.
People, this guy is SO bad-you should see how much he drinks every day. I suspect he CANNOT stop drinking w/out a medical detox, and I also cannot imagine an AA sponsor doling out what essentially amounts to medical advice like this.
I have a lot of experience w/AA, and knowing how dishonest and manipulative alcoholics can be, I'm thinking, her bf is scared and lying about this.
My friend left a message w/her bf's sponsor to check up on this story. In the meantime, I wasn't sure what to tell her to do.
Knowing that she can only control her own behavior, I said, what i would do is, tell him "ok, that's fine that you don't want to go to treatment, but if you don't, you can no longer live here."
I'm not sure what else she can do? Anybody have any advice??
Hi, I'm not new here, but it's been a while since I've posted.
A friend of mine's alcoholic bf was all fired up to get into treatment the other day, but the treatment center could not accept him until Tuesday. He started going to meetings yesterday. Well, my friend told me today that now he's trying to claim his AA sponsor is talking him out of formal treatment.
People, this guy is SO bad-you should see how much he drinks every day. I suspect he CANNOT stop drinking w/out a medical detox, and I also cannot imagine an AA sponsor doling out what essentially amounts to medical advice like this.
I have a lot of experience w/AA, and knowing how dishonest and manipulative alcoholics can be, I'm thinking, her bf is scared and lying about this.
My friend left a message w/her bf's sponsor to check up on this story. In the meantime, I wasn't sure what to tell her to do.
Knowing that she can only control her own behavior, I said, what i would do is, tell him "ok, that's fine that you don't want to go to treatment, but if you don't, you can no longer live here."
I'm not sure what else she can do? Anybody have any advice??
I'm growing
Join Date: Feb 2007
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Nice to see you back!
Really she can do nothing. This isn't hers to control. If he is ready he will go. If he isn't he won't.
Personally the best thing she can do IMO is drop the subject all together. Ultimatums rarely work. And if she says she is leaving she needs to really do it. BUT she should do it for herself, yah know.
Really she can do nothing. This isn't hers to control. If he is ready he will go. If he isn't he won't.
Personally the best thing she can do IMO is drop the subject all together. Ultimatums rarely work. And if she says she is leaving she needs to really do it. BUT she should do it for herself, yah know.
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,103
Thanks. her concern is, she doesn't want him living there and doing what basically amounts to a non-medical detox.
My question is also, would an AA sponsor really say something like this? From what I know of AA, people know not to give medical advice. Telling someone to skip detox, is like giving medical advice.
This guy has drank heavily for 10+ yrs. He probably needs a physical. He probably has all kinds of physical issues.
My question is also, would an AA sponsor really say something like this? From what I know of AA, people know not to give medical advice. Telling someone to skip detox, is like giving medical advice.
This guy has drank heavily for 10+ yrs. He probably needs a physical. He probably has all kinds of physical issues.
Originally Posted by Daisy30 
Nice to see you back!
Really she can do nothing. This isn't hers to control. If he is ready he will go. If he isn't he won't.
Personally the best thing she can do IMO is drop the subject all together. Ultimatums rarely work. And if she says she is leaving she needs to really do it. BUT she should do it for herself, yah know.
Really she can do nothing. This isn't hers to control. If he is ready he will go. If he isn't he won't.
Personally the best thing she can do IMO is drop the subject all together. Ultimatums rarely work. And if she says she is leaving she needs to really do it. BUT she should do it for herself, yah know.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
probably anyone would agree a medical detoxwould be optimal..i think your frien dshould only sayn what she means, means what she says, and don't say it mean. i am not a medical professioanl but do know that alcohol detox is one of the more serious dtoxes you can do. Seizures are a real concern..
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Join Date: May 2008
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She was meeting with her bf and his sponsor to discuss all this earlier. I haven't heard back from her, so I hope the meeting went ok.
I suspect her bf is scared of detox and having 2nd thoughts about treatment. He may have misrepresented what the sponsor said or just, heard what he wants to hear. Unfortunately, the treatment center admissions is closed for the holidays til Tuesday, so they can't admit him until then.
I suspect her bf is scared of detox and having 2nd thoughts about treatment. He may have misrepresented what the sponsor said or just, heard what he wants to hear. Unfortunately, the treatment center admissions is closed for the holidays til Tuesday, so they can't admit him until then.
Originally Posted by keepinon
probably anyone would agree a medical detoxwould be optimal..i think your frien dshould only sayn what she means, means what she says, and don't say it mean. i am not a medical professioanl but do know that alcohol detox is one of the more serious dtoxes you can do. Seizures are a real concern..
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
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Originally Posted by sandrawg
Thanks. her concern is, she doesn't want him living there and doing what basically amounts to a non-medical detox.
My question is also, would an AA sponsor really say something like this? From what I know of AA, people know not to give medical advice. Telling someone to skip detox, is like giving medical advice.
This guy has drank heavily for 10+ yrs. He probably needs a physical. He probably has all kinds of physical issues.
My question is also, would an AA sponsor really say something like this? From what I know of AA, people know not to give medical advice. Telling someone to skip detox, is like giving medical advice.
This guy has drank heavily for 10+ yrs. He probably needs a physical. He probably has all kinds of physical issues.
As for an AA sponsor saying something like that? I've been around the rooms of AA since 1986, and have never experienced that.
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: litchfield hills ct
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To be completly honest, wash your hands of it. It seems to me that you are a bit too involved. You don’t realize it, you are just trying to be a friend to her, that’s all. But u can still do that in a more healthy and non obtrusive way. Noone...not u, your friend or his sponsor will do or say anything to make him go to treatment and start his recovery. If he’s been to inpatient before than there is no new medical cure he will gain by going back to treatment over and over again. He has to wait for the “I want to be sober more than anything else, and I will do anything to get to that place of sobriety.” After treatment it will b up to him and his HP He will gain and learn the tools he needs in early recovery and it is up to him as to what he will do with that knowledge....If he hasn’t been in treatment before, sit back and just be a rock for your friend bc she will need it.
Also remember that it is treatment....is not sobriety, that comes much later and its very gradual.
What u think his sponsor is saying or doing, as well as your friend, really doesn’t have any relevance to his sobriety...good luck
dani
Also remember that it is treatment....is not sobriety, that comes much later and its very gradual.
What u think his sponsor is saying or doing, as well as your friend, really doesn’t have any relevance to his sobriety...good luck
dani
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,103
Yes, I can see where I might be getting too involved, but my friend has no experience dealing with this and has been very confused.
I know a little more about how much alcoholics lie, and having been in AA, I was concerned the sponsor was giving advice that could jeopardize her bf's health.
I heard back from her tonight, and he's not going into treatment. He says he's going to just keep going to AA. **{shrug}}
I know a little more about how much alcoholics lie, and having been in AA, I was concerned the sponsor was giving advice that could jeopardize her bf's health.
I heard back from her tonight, and he's not going into treatment. He says he's going to just keep going to AA. **{shrug}}
Originally Posted by danielleg
To be completly honest, wash your hands of it. It seems to me that you are a bit too involved. You don’t realize it, you are just trying to be a friend to her, that’s all. But u can still do that in a more healthy and non obtrusive way. Noone...not u, your friend or his sponsor will do or say anything to make him go to treatment and start his recovery. If he’s been to inpatient before than there is no new medical cure he will gain by going back to treatment over and over again. He has to wait for the “I want to be sober more than anything else, and I will do anything to get to that place of sobriety.” After treatment it will b up to him and his HP He will gain and learn the tools he needs in early recovery and it is up to him as to what he will do with that knowledge....If he hasn’t been in treatment before, sit back and just be a rock for your friend bc she will need it.
Also remember that it is treatment....is not sobriety, that comes much later and its very gradual.
What u think his sponsor is saying or doing, as well as your friend, really doesn’t have any relevance to his sobriety...good luck
dani
Also remember that it is treatment....is not sobriety, that comes much later and its very gradual.
What u think his sponsor is saying or doing, as well as your friend, really doesn’t have any relevance to his sobriety...good luck
dani
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: litchfield hills ct
Posts: 16
To be completly honest, wash your hands of it. It seems to me that you are a bit too involved. You don’t realize it, you are just trying to be a friend to her, that’s all. But u can still do that in a more healthy and non obtrusive way. Noone...not u, your friend or his sponsor will do or say anything to make him go to treatment and start his recovery. If he’s been to inpatient before than there is no new medical cure he will gain by going back to treatment over and over again. He has to wait for the “I want to be sober more than anything else, and I will do anything to get to that place of sobriety.” After treatment it will b up to him and his HP He will gain and learn the tools he needs in early recovery and it is up to him as to what he will do with that knowledge....If he hasn’t been in treatment before, sit back and just be a rock for your friend bc she will need it.
Also remember that it is treatment....is not sobriety, that comes much later and its very gradual.
What u think his sponsor is saying or doing, as well as your friend, really doesn’t have any relevance to his sobriety...good luck
dani
Also remember that it is treatment....is not sobriety, that comes much later and its very gradual.
What u think his sponsor is saying or doing, as well as your friend, really doesn’t have any relevance to his sobriety...good luck
dani
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: litchfield hills ct
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by danielleg
To be completly honest, wash your hands of it. It seems to me that you are a bit too involved. You don’t realize it, you are just trying to be a friend to her, that’s all. But u can still do that in a more healthy and non obtrusive way. Noone...not u, your friend or his sponsor will do or say anything to make him go to treatment and start his recovery. If he’s been to inpatient before than there is no new medical cure he will gain by going back to treatment over and over again. He has to wait for the “I want to be sober more than anything else, and I will do anything to get to that place of sobriety.” After treatment it will b up to him and his HP He will gain and learn the tools he needs in early recovery and it is up to him as to what he will do with that knowledge....If he hasn’t been in treatment before, sit back and just be a rock for your friend bc she will need it.
Also remember that it is treatment....is not sobriety, that comes much later and its very gradual.
What u think his sponsor is saying or doing, as well as your friend, really doesn’t have any relevance to his sobriety...good luck
dani
Also remember that it is treatment....is not sobriety, that comes much later and its very gradual.
What u think his sponsor is saying or doing, as well as your friend, really doesn’t have any relevance to his sobriety...good luck
dani
:rotfxko
SORRY I didnt mean to double post!!!!!!!!! uuugggghhhh
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Join Date: Mar 2010
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Posts: 16
i would love to go back to treatment...I loved it there. but they dont take people who are finally sober.
yes be there for her...that is the best thing esp. w no treatment. Keep an open mind...some times AA meetings are enough dor some!!!...not me, but others
danielle
ps...i love to play with these smiley people...they crack me up!
yes be there for her...that is the best thing esp. w no treatment. Keep an open mind...some times AA meetings are enough dor some!!!...not me, but others
danielle
ps...i love to play with these smiley people...they crack me up!
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