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Old 06-30-2010, 10:14 PM
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are there ever any happy endings that don't involve leaving your alcoholic boyfriend, or is there no light at the end of this tunnel?
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Old 06-30-2010, 11:37 PM
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Welcome to SR, curlymems.

I personally can't tell you a happy ending in the style you're looking for. I left my STBXAH 2+ years ago; about a year ago he moved in with a GF, lied about it to me (told me he's just renting a room) and her (told her we're already divorced). I (finally) realized that our young son and I deserve to be treated better and filed for divorce yesterday. It's not the happy ending that I wanted when I first married him, but I am happy that I'm untangling myself from a very dysfunctional, emotionally abusive relationship.

There was an earlier thread on the Friends & Family forum with a similar discussion that you might find helpful until others arrive to offer support and info..... OK, I'm not sure if it's user error, or the fact that I have a reallllly old computer (maybe a bit of both), I can't get the link to work... Sorry. The title of the thread is "any success stories dont involve leaving" and the last comment to the thread was on 06/09/10.

Keep reading and posting here. SR is a wonderful place for support and information and I'm sure others will be along with more info.
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Old 06-30-2010, 11:39 PM
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It depends on how severe the situation is and how much recovery and work your ABF will do to get better. There is always a way, if the willing party is......willing.
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Old 07-01-2010, 12:41 AM
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Originally Posted by Jess01 View Post
There is always a way, if the willing party is......willing.
But remember, you're not powerful enough to make the willing party willing! The only person you have control over is YOU.

Welcome to SR. Take some time to read the stickied posts at the top of the forum - and I'd recommend getting a copy of Melody Beattie's Codependant No More. It was a real eye opener to me! I'd also recommend reading 'Under the Influence' for a factual look at alcoholism and its progression. Stick around. SR has changed my life - I hope it wil help you too!
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Old 07-01-2010, 05:52 AM
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There's always a happy ending for you if that's what you want. Happy endings aren't dependent on fulfilling expectations. A happy ending is in part proportional to your willingness to release those expectations and let go.
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Old 07-01-2010, 06:05 AM
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Curly - remember that the members of this board are struggling, or have struggled, with the effects of this dreadful disease in its many forms. Those people who have "happy endings" WITH their addict/alcoholic may not be as inclined to post here. Perhaps your local Alanon group would be a good place to ask that question, too.

Having said that, I'm 52 years old, and have a son in active addiction. I've been around the block a time or two and I've never seen anyone successfully recover from alcoholism or addiction. But that's MY experience. Your mileage may vary.

As SoloMio said, you are perfectly capable of crafting a happy ending in your life, but that is always dependent on your ability to accept reality as it is. It's when we have EXPECTATIONS about the way a thing will turn out that we get disappointed--almost every time.

Glad you found us! SR's a great place.
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Old 07-01-2010, 06:13 AM
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My story did not have a happy ending for our marriage but I am making my own happy ending for myself. I cannot control him. The best thing you can do for yourself is to educate yourself on the disease. By finding this forum no doubt you have already seen some of the insanity that so many of us have been through. Most likely you have only seen the beginning. Stay around and read and you'll learn a lot. And if you've never been to an AlAnon meeting then that would also be my suggestion.
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Old 07-01-2010, 06:50 AM
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Hello and welcome to SR Curly, happiness i think depends on how you wish to live, they will always have this addiction, some can control it, others can control it for 8 years like my H and then he relapsed, you will never know from one day to the next. Rather do what makes you happy, support your B, perhaps there is a happy ending, somewhere!
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