luvmyfurbabies

Had a "talk" with AH tonight. I do most of the talking of course. Told him how much it bothers me that he won't go anywhere with me, won't take me to dinner, won't go on vacation and so on. Said how our marriage is on the rocks (no pun intended) and this is serious, our marriage needs help, blah blah blah. He says "I bring home my check, I don't go to bars or any of that stuff, I thought I was doing good". Does he just not get the fact that a marriage needs more than that? He's turning into a recluse. We have a house on 2 acres in the woods and if he didn't have a job, he'd never leave. I have started going places on my own with friends but it's really sad to hear people at work saying all the things they did over the weekend with their spouse. I am so sick of it. I feel so stuck......I'm glad I see my counselor tomorrow. I will probably be calling a lawyer for a free consultation after that.

Pelican

Is it him or the alcohol?

I don't know.

You say you are sick of it, you feel stuck. These are the things that you have control over. Yourself, your life, your future plan.

I hope you are able to get some answers with your counselor.

ItsmeAlice

Now is a great time to see your counsellor. You've got some hurt over his behavior and rightfully so. I was hurt when I spent near a decade with my XABF and found myself being a single parent to our furbabies and having been isolated bit by bit from my family and friends.
I'm glad to hear that you are venturing out on your own since he has chosen to hide away from the world aside from work. It is a mixed bag, I know from experience. You want to be out and interact with others and feel like a real person but you are supposed to be part of couple and half of you is missing.

Like Pelican says, you cannot change him and the only person you can control is you, but accepting these things don't make those lonely frustrated feelings any better.

Hang in there and keep working through it.

Alice

Learn2Live

Yes, he just does not get it.

Oh gosh, this is MY DAD! He has no friends left, does not associate with anyone. He hardly associates with his own family and only does so when we go there. Even then, he stays in a separate room and hardly interacts with us. He has been sitting in his chair, drinking, continuously for 20 (Yes, TWENTY) years straight and is now 72 years old. Alcoholism is a progressive, fatal disease for which there is no cure.

Yup. My Mom lives her own life, completely alone. She basically has NEVER had a marriage partner, never had a relationship to speak of. It makes her so sad to see other couples holding hands or on vacation together, or do ANYTHING together.

FreeingMyself

I've asked the same question many, many times....and it seems to me at least in my situation it was hust who he is. The only place we really went when we dated was the bar - never to movies or out to do fun things. He doesn't visit his family or talk to them often, and he refuses to go to my family functions. I like you have felt stuck for a long long time - however I am every so slowly starting to realize that this relationship is not the relationship I would want for anyone - especially my children. So, I am trying to take the steps necessary to make sure I don't give them that example to follow....I personally didn't make a good choice in my partner....we are extreme opposites! I think we have to find happiness in our selves first and remember that our happiness does matter.