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Thank you for your honesty...

Old 06-28-2010, 08:48 AM
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Thank you for your honesty...

I was reading some responses to a post I made the other day...where some mentioned that what everyone was saying was falling on deaf ears. Very true in a way....because I have made no signifigant changes regarding my relationship with my AH. However, today while I was out exercising and talking to my HP I had a realization. I am no longer going to post about what AH is or isn't doing....because quite frankly it just doesn't matter. I am going to stop feeling like he is doing "this" to me, and start focusing on myself and who I am. In this entire situation I lost that person...and "she" is who I am going to find, not worry about him. So today I decided that I would start my own personal journal only about me...what I think, what I feel....I decided that I needed to accept how I feel about the situation and that what I feel is ok. I guess I just felt an extreme awareness of how much I have been focusing on him and not on myself or my children. I know I have heard people say this to me many times over the last year....somehow it just sunk in after the posts yesterday and my run this morning! SO.....here is to starting a new focus on me and my recovery!
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Old 06-28-2010, 08:50 AM
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good 4 u!
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Old 06-28-2010, 08:51 AM
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Old 06-28-2010, 08:55 AM
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WAY TO GO!!! This is a great milestone! See? We all get to it when we get to it. I am so excited for you! THIS is when the rubber really hits the road - you will begin to see things you have never seen before. It's kinda like when The Wizard of Oz turns to color
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Old 06-28-2010, 09:02 AM
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The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step!

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Old 06-28-2010, 09:07 AM
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Old 06-28-2010, 09:08 AM
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I guess I just felt an extreme awareness of how much I have been focusing on him and not on myself or my children.
This is great news, awareness is the first step in change. Congratulations!
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Old 06-28-2010, 09:10 AM
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Good for you! That is great!
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Old 06-28-2010, 02:46 PM
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That's it, I am glad that you are refinding you!
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Old 06-28-2010, 03:03 PM
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The rain has stopped... the clouds have parted... the sun IS shining! Watch for rainbows.

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Old 06-28-2010, 06:38 PM
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Good for you mentallyexh! I'm in the same boat with you. I kind of bumped along the bottom for a while but lately I've decided that the rest of my life is not going to be determine by anyone but me. His alcoholism has lost it's control over me. I've been doing lots of reading and trying to work on my recovery and I feel like I've got my soul back. Once I started it kind of snowballed uphill.
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Old 06-28-2010, 06:40 PM
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Good for you..Keep it up and only good things will happen. I have been there. When u truly let go..the miracle starts!!
Hugs
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Old 06-29-2010, 07:52 AM
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That is fantastic news: I had that moment too, and my sponsor helped me get there.

I told her about a year ago that it was "my lot in life" to "have alcoholic family members who manipulate me" and that I have to just put up with it.

Well, you can imagine what I heard on the other end of that phone line:

NOOOOO! YOU DO NOT have to suffer! It is not your destiny or your job to have a bad life and be abused and unloved. No, you are not supposed to have all that **** on your plate...because of fate.
It's okay to want to be happy!
Demand to be happy.....thats even better!
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