FarawayFromCars

....in this vivid dream, I was visiting my parents. AS was there and was very drunk and threatening, and no one was saying anything (i.e. they were going about business as usual). I was angry and tried to leave the situation, and my dad stopped me from leaving. Suddenly everyone else disappeared and it was just me and AS. AS collapsed and was choking; I tried to revive her and she suddenly threw up everywhere (sorry for gross details; it is something I have actually done in real life--I once saved her from choking to death on her own vomit). I left her there--breathing, but still drunk, and then exited the house / dream. I woke up feeling sad and unsettled.

A weird dream because in waking life I have felt otherwise very good about the boundaries I am setting and following through on. Maybe my subconscious is not feeling so good?

theuncertainty

FFC, Personally, I've found that when I'm really stressed, I have incredibly vivid dreams about the situation that I'm trying to deal with. It used to freak me out: "Don't I have to deal with this enough already - WHY do I have to deal with it while I sleep too?!" To be honest, I still get upset when my stressors take up my dream time. But, now I think that it's usually when I'm in such distress that I need additional outlets to let go of the emotions.

Kittyboo

Faraway- I have always been fascinated with dreams; I have very vivid dreams too. It actually comforted me to read about your dream as I had a very bad dream last night about my XA too.
Maybe our subconscious allows us to deal with certain feelings when we are asleep that we don't deal with when awake...or we are also taking what we are thinking about when awake into our sleep, which both are true.

I sent a text last night telling my XA that speaking with him is not something I can continue to do.
Side note: DO NOT BREAK NO CONTACT...no matter how far along you think you are, the slightest contact can really bring you back into the pain.
I saw pics of him and his gf at a family wedding they went to over the weekend and I didn't realize how much that would hurt me, she looked beautiful and he looked happy. Not like a drunk at all.... it made me question everything, that maybe he really is doing better like he said he was. And it was PAINFUL for me to see.

Last night in my dream I was at an event where her entire family was at. (I don't know them, i've just seen pictures) there were a lot of people around, and I saw my XA sitting on the floor completely wasted. My first thought was that he really is still drinking and he's not doing better.
There was a little girl in front of him and he pulled her into him to hug her, he was smoking a cigarette, and because he was so drunk, he didn't realize he was burning the little girl with the cig. I knew that in his state of mind he didn't think he was doing anything wrong, he was just hugging her.
The little girl started crying and her mother came and grabbed her from him. People just kept ignoring him like he was a waste just sitting there. His gf's father stepped over him and it's like no one wanted to be around him when he was drunk.

I saw his GF and her sister and I was with my friend, and walked up to her and said I need to talk to you. i'm studying human behavior and ....
then she interrupted and said yeah, I am too.
And I went on to say then the best thing you can do for him is leave him alone, you're not helping him by always being there for him.
We started to argue but I don't remember the words....I then just put my hand up to her throat and pushed her against a wall and screamed at her, STOP BEING HIS ENABLER.

I walked away from her and that was the end of that...the rest of the dream I was just looking for my missing handbag!

I didn't mean to hijack your thread!!!
But wow, writing that dream out really made it seem very significant. I can see little signs in there of how I may be feeling. Painful signs.

Thank you for sharing your dream.....it allowed me to share mine too, and I think that helped me a little. Last night was a sad night for me.

keepinon

There were many times I could control my obsessing on my daughter during the day but at night would dream that she was pregnant or some other fear I had been trying to control during the day. Just kinda bubbles up during the night. Not fun, but pretty normal I think.

LucyA

Maybe your subconcious is actually telling you that you've done all you can (saving her, reviving her and keeping her alive) and that you can actually walk away from the house/dream and she'll still keep on going doing whatever she is doing?
Everyone else has gone, so they must be detatched in some way or you've detatched from them or they'd still be in your dream doing something.
Maybe that's what your dream is trying to tell you, just my thoughts on it.

TakingCharge999

My mom says dreams and nightmares are like "therapy sessions" for the subconscious mind. So they are good.

I just went on a holiday and had dreams/nightmares abt XABF EVERY NIGHT. Oh well. Whatever it takes to let go of all that hellish package.

Yes, keep going NC or get as much NC as possible.



Kitty I feel your pain. But remember all the bad times. XABF used to say "shut up.. shut up" when we were 'intimate'. Today while it was 6 AM and I had to spend an hour at a bus station full of triggers to me, remembering how he treated me while drunk helped me come back to reality. That is who he is and now SHE is getting that or worse.

Is that something to envy? hardly. Just describing the facts here.



About the "happy couple" pictures: I remember the happy ones we took and all that happened afterwards . XABF zigzagging , insisting on driving, insisting on having sex, insisting on picking a fight, insulting me out of the blue, saying "he had to cut back on his drinking", playing dark metal for hours to no end- and I wonder what this young woman who likes peace, new age music and yoga, was doing there? certainly not fulfilling her dreams.


So who cares really. If a woman sees OK to be ignored, treated like dirt and as an entertainment object - I see nothing happy about it. In fact it is very very sad to witness such a thing. It is an awful, lonely place. That is the thing with alcoholism, the show with others is one thing, behind close doors its another damn story. What incredible loneliness I felt, like nothing I had ever experienced before.

I wish no women were up to that anymore and had a better opinion of themselves.




Go NC and keep doing your thing one breathe at a time.