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Feeling Off balance....need some encouragement Hi everyone...My name is Erica...I've had a busy week at work and haven't been able to go to alanon meetings...I feel myself getting a little crazy again...Here's my story.....I had been with my alcoholic husband for ten years...I kicked him out about two months ago...Things got really bad...He would stay out all night...Come home and pick fights....Anyway...we have a 4 year old son..He hadn't been much of a father with all the drinking and partying, but since I kicked him out, he has actually been a wonderful father...spends time with our son...takes him places...A few days ago, he told me that he hasn't drank since I kicked him out....Well...my first thought was...why now????Why couldn't you have quit a year ago? I didn't say that to him....This morning on my way to work, I saw his car at the bar...So much for not drinking....Why did it even bother me that he may have actually stopped drinking? I know that would have been a good thing...I've been going to alanon...I think I have been working on me...I don't want him back, but I can't seem to figure out what is troubling me so much...Maybe a part of me still wants him to want us...when I know he never really did... Did I think he would see the light??? I don't know....Someone tell me that if I just hang in there....I will be okay..Because I don't feel like it right now.... Erica |
You will be okay! I can get bats in my belfry if I don't make my meetings on a regular basis! :lmao Alanon has been a lifesaver for me. Your son needs one sane and emotionally healthy parent, and it sounds like you are doing the right things, hon! Keep posting, keep praying, and keep attending Alanon. Welcome to SR! :) :ghug3 |
All usual human emotions. The only thing you can control are your own thoughts beliefs and actions. You're doing great and more than deserve to feel good about yourself... It's healthy to reminisce about what could have been, and it still can be so, but with someone a little more sane. Just my take hope you're feeling better. |
Erica-I am with ya! I feel the exact same way. All I can say is keep posting/venting. Sometimes a pep talk can pull you out! |
Hang in there, Erica. I know it can be so hard dealing with the what-ifs (what if he had stopped drinking earlier, what if...). I left my STBXAH 2+ years ago; took our little boy who was 3 at the time and left. Leaving was hard, but it felt like it was even harder to deal with when he finally went into a rehab program and that was this spring. I've gone through all the same feelings you're describing quite recently (and they still raise their sad heads occasionally): He did it because he almost lost his job, why couldn't he do it for us? Why couldn't he do it 3, 5, 10 years ago? Why doesn't he want us/me?.... I've reached the point where I've realized I deserve so much more, our son deserves so much more. I can now honestly say that I believe my HP is looking out for us and has great plans for a safe, stable, calm home-life for us, even if it is a family with 2 rather than 3 members. Hang in there, keep working on your recovery from life with an A and finding the tools you need to help yourself and your son. It can be such a rough road, but you will be OK. Truly. :grouphug: |
Erica1972... I love this story... I hope it helps you feel a bit better about where you are. Good things are happening for you... keep your chin up! The Moth and the Cocoon Author Unknown A man found a cocoon of an emperor moth. He took it home so that he could watch the moth come out of the cocoon. On the day a small opening appeared, he sat and watched the moth for several hours as the moth struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and it could go no farther. It just seemed to be stuck. Then the man, in his kindness, decided to help the moth, so he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The moth then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. The man continued to watch the moth because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time. Neither happened! In fact, the little moth spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly. What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the moth to get through the tiny opening were God's way of forcing fluid from the body of the moth into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon. Freedom and flight would only come after the struggle. By depriving the moth of a struggle, he deprived the moth of health. Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If God allowed us to go through our life without any obstacles, He would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. |
thank you hammerhead.....that is a great story....Think that was just what I needed to hear....I will spend some time thinking about it..... |
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